


Redemption: A Black Butler Story

by Sebastian_Michaelis_2017



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-28 21:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 85,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sebastian_Michaelis_2017/pseuds/Sebastian_Michaelis_2017
Summary: This story is a re-imagining of sorts. It incorporates elements of the manga and anime but follows its own story arc. It is told from Sebastian's point of view and delves into his past, which is something you don't get much of in the original series. He is a type of Demon called a Fallen, as in Fallen Angel. In this story he will have to confront and deal with his past, with the help of some original characters from his past, in addition to helping Ciel achieve his goal of revenge.





	1. His Butler, Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> Glossary of characters and terms:
> 
> Fallen - Demons who were once Angels
> 
> Types of Angels:  
> Healers - Angels who specialise in healing  
> Scholars - Angels who study and keep  
> records; librarians, teachers, etc.  
> Warriors - Angels who are protectors of  
> Heaven and Creation  
> Hunters - A specialty Warrior class who hunt  
> down and Banish dangerous Fallen  
> Guardians - extremely rare class with an  
> evenly spread skill set of the top  
> three classes. They show up  
> when needed to protect specific  
> humans who are instrumental in  
> the fight against evil.
> 
> In addition to the Black Butler characters you are likely already familiar with, there are additional original characters.
> 
> Katrina Gabrielis  
> Danyael Leonidis  
> Nathan Jacobius  
> Alexander Matthias  
> Simeon Paulus
> 
> There will be other characters added as the story unfolds...

Chapter 1: His Butler, Dreaming

  I don't usually dream.

  I don't usually fall completely to sleep, for that matter. My “kind” tend to enter a deep state of meditation - a trance-like state that allows part of our minds to stay alert for danger - when we reach the point where rest is needed.

  But for some reason this night, after looking in on my young master and making a final check of the manor's security, I went to my quarters and fell asleep.

  And I did dream.

  My memories aren't always clear. When one lives as long as I have, certain details fade slightly, like a photograph exposed to too much light over time. But the memory in this dream wasn't far enough removed to have done so, thus it was quite sharp and clear in both detail and content…

                *       *       *       *       *       *

  I had been inactive just long enough to become bored. Bored and slightly hungry. I was taking a bit of a break - my last Contract had been taxing and not entirely pleasant. I was hesitant to enter into another after dealing with _**that**_. But this call - an actual "summoning" by the sound and feel of it in my mind - had a nearly irresistible _**pull**_. I opened my eyes and focused a bit harder on it. 

  The energy behind it was so _**clean**_. _**Pure**_. Young and innocent, but with a deep undertone of despair; grief. There was a painfully obvious desperation woven into its thread as well. An intoxicating combination, to say the least. It certainly aroused my curiosity. And my Hunger.

  Sighing, I uncurled myself and stretched. “Well,” I thought, “there's nothing for me to do but investigate, I suppose.” Breathing deep and steady, I allowed my mind, my consciousness, to align with the call. I closed my eyes and submitted to the sensation of being tugged by an invisible thread through space and time to...elsewhere… 

  With a sudden rush of air that ruffled what fur and feathers weren't covered by my ebony leather clothing and ink-black cloak, I found myself in a candle-lit room, possibly a wine cellar judging by the stone walls and floor and lack of windows. I quickly scanned the room, assessing it carefully. One way in or out - a stairwell - and one thing between me and that only avenue of escape.

  A child.

  _**A child?**_

  Curiosity thoroughly piqued now, I stood there, studying the tiny human before me. Male, possibly eight or nine years of age, porcelain skin and bluish nearly black hair...and the most intensely blue eyes I'd ever seen. Sapphires set in the ivory of his fair, innocent face.

  Both of us seemed a little shocked at seeing the other. We examined each other in silence for a moment before he spoke.

  “I don't think it worked properly,” he said, obviously confused and a bit...disappointed? He then consulted the book he was holding, the massive tome nearly too large for his delicate arms and hands to hold.

  I waited a moment while he scanned the page. In my initial inspection of the room, I hadn't failed to notice possibly the most important thing to a being such as myself. I was in the dead center of a circle. A protection circle, to be precise. Impeccably drawn and its outer ring reinforced with sea salt, I would be hard pressed to break through it. Which put both myself and this child in a bit of a predicament. One he obviously, in his inexperience, hadn't considered. Clearing my throat, I spoke softly to keep from inadvertently startling him.

  “Pardon me, but might I inquire as to what, exactly, you were attempting?”

  Without looking up from the page, he responded in an irritated tone. “A discernment spell. I don't understand what happened…”

  Oh, no.  _ **Not**_  good.An  _ **accidental**_ summoning. A thought connecting cats with curiosity and the consequences briefly ran through my mind. Damn.

  “You do realise what spell you cast instead?” I asked quietly. Heaving an exasperated sigh, he looked up at me.

  “What do you think I'm trying to figure out?” he snapped. There was a hint of the scent of fear coming off of him now. His accent was a proper, educated British, his clothing fine, well made. I was still trying to assemble the pieces of the puzzle and to do that, I needed for him to remain calm. The fact that he wasn't showing any outright fear of my appearance I took as a good sign. He didn't appear to scare easily.

  “Summoning,” I informed him. “You performed a summoning.”

  His eyes widened. “That's...that’s not…”

  “What you meant to do?” I replied softly. “Yet here I am.” I spread my hands in front of me. “Right here, stuck in your very well drawn circle.” A circle drawn with a skill completely at odds with his skill at spell-casting. “What was the purpose of your discernment spell?”

  Closing the book with a thump, he rose from his cross-legged position on the floor and walked over to set it down on a small table against the wall. The table also held the candelabra which was the room's only source of light. Shoulders slumped in defeat, he sniffed, obviously trying not to break down in front of a stranger he had just summoned by accident. Then he surprised me.

  Turning back to face me he straightened his posture and quickly wiped away any tears he had started to shed. By sheer effort of will, this child - by all appearances frail and delicate - summoned enough courage and pride to walk right up to the circle’s edge.

  “To discover who murdered my mum and dad...my parents...my family.”

  Ah. Now we were getting somewhere. The beginnings of a plan began to surface in my thoughts. If I tread very carefully, I might be able to salvage something out of the mess this poor, desperate soul had started with his well-intentioned but botched attempt at spell-casting. First, I needed to somehow gain a bit of his trust. How? By being honest with him.

  “Well,” I began, “as admirable as your effort was, I fear you may have created a small problem. I'd like to be able to assist you. However, my proverbial hands are tied until we can come to some sort of understanding.”

  “Such as?”

  “First, you need to have a grasp of how the mechanics of the spell you cast work. You need to have an understanding - a _ **thorough**_ understanding - of the consequences before you decide how you wish to proceed. I am essentially at your mercy, so-to-speak.”

  His eyes widened. The realisation that he bore responsibility for this situation was sinking in. Good. Smart lad.

  “Do you have any idea what I am?” I asked softly. After studying me for a moment he shook his head, at a loss. “But my appearance doesn't frighten you?” Again he shook his head. “Why not?” I couldn't help but be curious. He shrugged slightly.

  “I've read about and studied scarier looking creatures than you,” he explained in an almost nonchalant tone. “And I was drilled on drawing these,” he indicated the circle, “to protect myself and others if necessary. Father insisted I learn it and be able to draw it perfectly.”

  Very interesting, indeed. “Whatever for?” I queried.

  “He hunted things. For the Queen. It was his job. And his father's before him. And his before that, going back generations,” the boy explained. “Any time an unusual crime was reported in London, the Queen sent for Father. He knew things and could help people. Protect people.”

  Protect people. Probably from things like me, I thought, although my kind weren't as commonly encountered as most people would think. Reapers were more common than **_us_**.

  “I see,” I replied, thinking. “What kind of ‘things’ did he protect people from?”

  “Mostly other people involved in bad things,” he answered.

  “So he didn't really use spells himself,” I reasoned aloud, “he just knew how to defend against them.” That explained this boy's expertly drawn circle of protection/containment but complete lack of practical spell-casting experience.

  How desperate he must have been to have attempted such a thing. His absolute love of his parents and the devastation of their loss had fuelled his recklessness, and the combination of pure, innocent love and the sharply contrasting need for vengeance was absolutely intoxicating. Nursing that need for revenge, helping him attain that goal, all while maintaining that ability to love and be kind-hearted…

  A fine line to tread, keeping the pursuit of vengeance from tainting the purity of his soul. But the result in the end…

  I shivered under my cloak. That soul's energy would be a heady vintage indeed. Forcing myself to concentrate on the matter at hand, I attempted to explain to this child exactly what needed to be done.

  “Unfortunately, summonings are far easier than banishments. Inviting something  _ **in**_ is easier than forcing it _**out**_. Does that make sense?” He thought that over for a moment.

  “But, can't you just go back?” he asked. I shook my head.

  “It's not that simple, I'm afraid. See, you expended energy to bring me here. And you were prepared, which was very smart. This circle functions as both protection and containment. If your intended spell had worked you would likely have gotten a simple spirit or ghost who might have been able to give you some information before their energy gave out and they'd just fade back to where they came from. But you didn't. And that changes things.”

  “How so?” he asked.

  “For one thing, I am much older and stronger. It took more of your energy to bring me here. Tell me, did you feel tired and drained at the spell’s completion?” He nodded. “The energy you used in combination with this,” I indicated the circle, “holds me here.”

  “What if I erased the circle?”

  I visibly shuddered. “That would not be wise. It is not just holding me here. It’s containing the energy you put into it. Disturbing it without dispelling that energy first could seriously harm - even kill - one or both of us.”

  “And casting a banishment to send you back...home?” His hesitation before the word made me smile with a bit of amusement. He really had no idea what I was. Telling him was going to be an interesting experience.

  “That would very likely kill you,” I said in as gentle and and non-threatening a tone as possible. “Think about how much energy it took to cast that spell. Now multiply that several times over. Sending me back would totally drain you. And your death would be in vain. Meaningless.”

  I could see him processing the information. This child was intelligent, insightful and driven. Whatever he had experienced had made him a bit grim and with a grasp of mortality beyond his years. The need for justice for his family was in such contradiction to his innocence. There was no doubt in my mind that beneath that innocent vaneer, this boy would be capable of holding his own. He was strong willed and much tougher than he appeared. A wolf in the guise of a lamb.

  I shivered again. Whoever had killed his family should be afraid.

  Especially if he went with what I had in mind. But I needed for him to come to that decision on his own, well informed and well aware of the consequences. Otherwise, a Contract would be useless. I waited patiently for his response. When he gave it, he surprised me once again. Eyes narrowed with suspicion, he asked, “How do I know you're not lying?”

  “I never lie,” I answered quietly. Not outright, anyway. He needed to understand that as well. “However, if you ask a question in such a way as to leave a loophole, I can omit information. It's up to you to take care with how you phrase your questions. But a bold-faced lie? No. I will never lie to you.”

  His shoulders, which had been tense, relaxed a bit. He went quiet again, thinking. I remained quiet, allowing him the opportunity to further process all of the information I had given him thus far. After a few moments, he crossed his slender arms over his chest and looked up at me, obviously having come to some sort of conclusion.

  “In that case,” he began thoughtfully, “I have several questions.”

  “Ask away.”

  “You said earlier that disturbing the circle without dispelling the energy it contained wasn't advisable.” He listened and learned quickly. Impressive.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “How do we do that? Dispell the energy, I mean.”

  “It needs to be used for something,” I explained. “You bound it here. It won't just go away.”

“So it needs to be...channeled...used for another specific purpose?”

  This kid was smart. “Exactly.”

  “Like what?”

  Ah. Here was the crux of the matter. It took energy to bind a Contract. Even if someone summoned one of us with that purpose in mind. A simple handshake won't do where  ** _we_** are concerned. We have to be  _ **bound**_ to stay.

  “You could...and this is merely a suggestion...enter a binding Contract with me.”

  “What exactly does that mean, and what would it entail?”

  “I would be bound to you,” I explained. His clothing suggested noble birth. I tried to put things into terms he would understand. “A servant of sorts. You would dictate and hold the terms, of course. You would be in charge. Give the orders.” His eyes narrowed again. Here it comes…

  “What's the catch?”

  “There's a price to be paid.”

  “I see.”

  Silence. He was thinking again. I had a feeling I knew what he'd ask next. But he once again surprised me. Cocking his head slightly, he made a request first.

  “Remove your hood. So I can more clearly see your face.”

  Slowly, quietly, I reached up with both hands, slender fingers ending in deadly sharp, ebony claws grasping the edges of my cloak’s hood. I hesitated, gauging his reaction to seeing my hands more clearly. His eyes, which were following my movements, widened ever so slightly. I kept my eyes on his as I pushed the hood back from my face.

  Eyes widening even further, he gave a soft gasp, lips parted in an expression of shock. But he didn't move. He didn't run. He didn't scream. Instead, he swallowed, took a deep, shaky breath, and finally asked the question I had been expecting.

  “What  _ **are**_ you?” A breathless whisper, uttered with tones of awe, fear and frank curiosity all blended into one. Just when I thought he couldn't surprise me any more.

  “One of the Fallen,” I replied softly. His face now registered the additional expression of confusion.

  “Fallen?” So he wasn't familiar with our term for ourselves. His studies of the supernatural apparently hadn't covered us yet. At least not in detail.

  “Most humans refer to us simply as Demons.” I paused to let that sink in. He had composed himself a bit and had gone quiet again, obviously thinking. He was also studying me with great interest.

  My physical form as a Fallen is unique. No two of us are alike, and some of us are more frightening to look at than others. Apparently, this human child found my appearance fascinating. Vaguely cat-like features, covered in a disconcerting combination of soft black fur and sleek raven-like feathers; ruby red cat's eyes that shone with an iridescent glow in the semi-darkness of the room, and the sharp feline-like teeth of a predator…

  Grotesquely beautiful. Disturbing allure. Fiercely graceful. Lovely and terrifying at the same time. Humans with a lesser grasp on their sanity have lost their minds upon seeing one of us up close. And yet…

  This child, who had already faced the horror of murdered parents, was facing me from mere feet away. Shaken, but brave. And determined.

  “What is your name?” he asked softly.

  “I won't have one until you give it to me,” I replied just as quietly. “It's part of the process upon entering into the Contract.”

  “I even get to give you your name?”

  I nodded. “And I will take on a human form. To both blend in and to make you more comfortable.”

  “Can I choose what you look like as well?”

  I chuckled softly. “Yes and no. I can glance at your surface thoughts and adjust my appearance based on your memories, as long as it doesn't deviate too much from what I would look like as a human already. I didn't always look as I do now. This form is...well...punishment for something that happened in the  _ **very**_ distant past. But rest assured, my human form will be pleasing to the eye.” 

  “And the exact terms of this Contract?”

  “Those are up to you. Except for the price. That never changes.”

  “And I suppose that price would be my soul?” he asked in a worried tone.

  I sighed. “Common misconception based on stories and myths,” I explained. “Not far from the mark, but not entirely true.”

  He tilted his head again, confused. “I don't understand…”

  “Every soul has energy, accumulated over its lifetime. The fuller the life lived, the more experience gained, the more energy that soul has - how shall I put this - the more desirable it becomes. Your soul is **_yours_**. An intrinsic part of you that will live on after your death. But the energy it exudes -  ** _that_** is what we feed on.”

  “Meaning?”

  “That's the price of entering into a Contract with one of us. We get  _ **that**_ when the terms are met. Unless there is an extenuating circumstance that requires renegotiation. But that is practically unheard of.”

  “So let me get this straight,” he began. “If I form a Contract with you, you could help me find my parents’ killer, get my revenge, and in return you get my soul's energy as repayment.”

  “Yes.”

  “It sounds too simple.”

  “It's far from simple. Without its energy, your soul won't be able to immediately ‘move on’ when you die. Whether you're bound for Heaven or Hell, you'll be stuck between worlds - in limbo - until your soul recovers enough to complete the journey.  ** _That_** is your ‘punishment’ so-to-speak, for entering into a Contract with one of us. Recovery from having its energy devoured by a Fallen can take years...centuries, even. So no, it's not simple. It's a decision that should be made with all due consideration and the utmost comprehension of the consequences.”

  “I don't see that I have much of a choice,” he replied, a bit of resignation colouring his tone. “I summoned you by accident and trapped you here, since I can't send you back or release you from my circle without bringing about serious harm or death to both of us.”

  Remaining silent for a few moments, I allowed him the time to ponder over things. He seemed to me to be a kind, sensitive soul who had been subjected to terrible suffering in order to bring out this kind of thirst for vengeance. His inability to comprehend being willing to harm someone made the act that much more heinous - that much more deserving of his wrath. It had been my experience in the past that the most gentle of souls can become the most fierce when pushed to extremes. It either breaks them, or turns them into a force to be reckoned with - a champion of others like themselves who have been hurt and wronged.

  I had a distinct feeling that this boy was one of the latter, which would make helping him that much more interesting. Right now he was deep in thought, probably going over in his mind what he wished the terms of our Contract to be - making sure the details were covered with no loopholes. When he finally spoke, he proved my assumption to be correct.

  “Alright,” he stated decisively, looking me in the eye. “How do we go about sealing this Contract?”

  “Are you certain this is what you wish?” I asked. “Once the pact is made, it cannot be broken. Nothing sacrificed can be regained. It cannot be revoked or changed. It will be binding even if one of us were to perish before the terms are met. Do you understand?”

  “I understand,” he answered calmly.

  “What is your name?”

  “Ciel. Ciel Phantomhive.”

  Putting my right hand on my chest, I inclined my head in a slight bow. “Well, Ciel Phantomhive, shall we proceed, so that you will have a name to address me by when you give me my orders?”

  “Yes, of course,” he answered. “What do I need to do?”

  “First, try to clear your mind. Take a few deep breaths to calm your nerves. The experience can be a bit disconcerting; best to start by relaxing a bit. Take your time.”

  Ciel closed his eyes. I waited for a few moments, until his breathing was slow and steady and the tightness in his muscles visibly relaxed. Then I stepped a bit closer and spoke softly.

  “Alright, Ciel. Keep your eyes closed and concentrate on the exact terms you wish for our Contract, down to the last detail. Allow your mind to open, your memories to surface…”

  “Will it hurt?” he whispered, his voice quivering ever so slightly.

  I stopped, totally taken aback by the question. Unable to lie, I was forced to answer truthfully.

  “The recollection of certain memories may be painful…”

  “I know that,” he interrupted. “I mean physically...will it hurt?” He opened his eyes. Looking into those innocent sapphire orbs, I was temporarily robbed of my ability to speak. What was I thinking, entering into a Contract with a **_child_** …

  “It's alright if it will,” he said softly.“I just want to be prepared for it.”

  I swallowed before attempting to answer. “Only a little, and only at the site of the Seal.”

  “Seal?”

  “A mark, like a brand or tattoo, that represents the binding of the Contract. The more visible the location, the stronger the bond.” I paused. Usually, upon sealing a Contract, I had chosen the location of the mark, placing it somewhere prominent but easily covered. Something - instinct perhaps - told me this time needed to be different. Ciel had paled slightly upon hearing my explanation, obviously distressed. “Would you like to choose where it goes?” I asked softly. He nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. “Alright,” I said. “Now, close your eyes again, breathe...soft and steady…”

  I gave him a few more moments to be certain he was comfortable enough to proceed. No more second guessing myself. There was literally no good way out of this situation, so both of us were dealing with the hand we'd been dealt. That's what I kept telling myself as I gave him the time he needed before giving him further instructions.

  Speaking in a soft, soothing tone, I told him what to do next. “Extend your left hand, Ciel. You might feel a slight tingle or vibration when it passes through the circle’s barrier. Pay it no mind...it won't hurt and as long as the circle itself isn't disturbed, everything will be fine.”

  Doing as I asked he reached towards me with his left hand, shivering slightly as it passed through the barrier. With my left hand, I gently took hold of his.

  So delicate, like a bird. Warm and soft, no calluses. Innocent and trusting. I could just feel his pulse when I closed my fingers about his wrist. Fragile life, fluttering through his veins…

  The Hunger I'd been hiding flared to life in a sudden, painful spike. I clenched my teeth, forcing it away. Closing my eyes now, I used every ounce of discipline I possessed to maintain control. The first contact was always the hardest. I took several deep, calming breaths before continuing.

  “Are you ready, Ciel?” I whispered.

  “Yes.”

  Placing my right hand atop his, enfolding it between mine, I dropped to one knee…

  It was a bright, clear spring day with a brisk bit of wind. Beautiful. There was laughter coming from the garden. Two adults and a child of about five were walking through the neatly trimmed beds of freshly blooming flowers. The man was tall and slender, a graceful, athletic figure with bluish, almost black hair and delicately handsome features. His eyes were brown and kind. The woman was the picture of feminine grace, with long, wavy honey-coloured hair and ivory skin. But her eyes. Her eyes were a blue that shamed the sky and dulled the ocean.

  Ciel's parents. He so favoured his father, but had his mother's eyes.

  They were all laughing as Ciel chased a large butterfly through the rows of fragrant blossoms. They were joined shortly by a large, wire-haired, grey coloured dog, who joined Ciel in his carefree romp through the garden, delighting his parents with their antics.

  The memory shifted into another, several years later.

  It was a cloudy fall afternoon. Ciel's father was reading in a chair by the fireplace, his mother sitting across from him in another chair, putting the finishing touches on her piece of needlepoint. The dog was curled up in front of the hearth, and Ciel was reclined against the dog’s side, reading like his father. They were the picture of familial happiness; not speaking, but enjoying each other's company nonetheless. Peaceful. One could feel the love they shared for each other…

  Darkness. Followed by a feeling of _**wrong**_. That too quiet, calm before the storm feeling. Then the creak of a door opening into a hallway lit only by the moonlight streaming through the windows, followed shortly by the faint, distant sound of breaking glass and a soft thump.

  “Father? Mother?” Ciel, half asleep, was making his way down the hall. “I had a bad dream…” He stopped at another door and tapped on it softly. “Can I please come in and sleep with you?” He paused. “I woke up and Sebastian was gone.” I gathered from this that Sebastian must be the dog’s name. “I don't want to be alone…” Ciel turned the doorknob and pushed the door open...and began screaming.

  The struggle had been brief. Ciel's father had obviously attempted to shield his wife, to defend her, and had died trying. The only broken thing in the room was a lamp from the nightstand. The blood was still dripping from Ciel's father's fingers onto the carpet. Mere minutes before Ciel opened that door, the killer had struck...which meant they may still be in the house.

  Ciel fled down the hall, crying hysterically, calling for help. Blinded by his tears, he failed to see the object in his path and ran right into it, tripping and somersaulting over it to land on his back. Sitting up, gasping for breath, he looked to see what he'd tripped over…

  Sebastian. The poor creature lay in a pool of blood that was slowly soaking the surrounding carpet. The killer had silenced the household's most loyal defender before the dog could alert anyone. Cruelly efficient. Professional.

  Ciel cried out in anguish. The dog was family, too, and just as dead as his parents. In one fateful night, he'd lost them all.

  And it wasn't over yet.

  A black gloved hand wrapped around Ciel's face from behind, abruptly muffling his cries as a black clad arm wrapped around him from the opposite side, effectively pinning his arms and lifting him off the floor.

  At the same time, there came the acrid smell of smoke, followed by the panicked cries of the servants downstairs. A fire. The perfect distraction and an excellent cover for escape.

  The diversion worked. Concentrating on containing and putting out the fire, none of the Phantomhive staff noticed the killer leaving the house, abducting the young master. By the time they discovered the Lord and Lady of the house were dead and their only child missing, it would be too late…

  To give Ciel credit, he fought with the ferocity of a cornered feral cat, scratching and even biting his attacker. But the scoundrel’s gloves and long sleeves kept Ciel from doing much, if any, real harm.

  Out the front door they went to where a dark, nondescript carriage waited. The assassin was met by a second darkly clad person, who dosed Ciel with chloroform and had his partner in crime shove the boy into the carriage. The last thing Ciel saw before losing consciousness was the flickering of the flames through the windows, as the fire spread through the manor and the servants, unable to stop it, began to exit the house…

  Darkness again. And the sound of water dripping accompanied by a dank, musty scent. When Ciel regained consciousness and opened his eyes, he found himself in a cage of sorts, with iron bars, a wooden bottom and a padlocked door. As his eyesight adjusted to the dimness of the room, he discovered that he wasn't alone.

  There were other cages in the room, and most of them housed other children around the same age as Ciel. They were all sitting on the floors of their respective cages in similar positions of dejection - shoulders slumped, heads bowed - and none of them spoke. The room was eerily void of sound except for the distant dripping of water.

  Suddenly, the door swung open, hinges that desperately needed oiling making a harsh grating sound. All of the children except for Ciel collectively jumped in fright, shrinking back as far away from their cage’s doors as possible. Ciel, in unfamiliar surroundings and still groggy from the chloroform, froze, like a nocturnal animal caught in a beam of bright lantern light. Two men entered the room, cloaked head to toe in dark crimson robes with hoods.

  “I told you,” the first one said as the second one approached Ciel's cage. The second man chuckled softly, and the sound sent chills through even me.

  “The bidding will be high for this one,” he said. “Only son of the man who nearly brought us to ruin…” Turning to the first man, he gestured at Ciel. “Get him ready.”

  “It will be my honour and pleasure,” the other answered, producing a key from a pocket in his robe. He then proceeded to unlock the cage and grab Ciel's arm.

  The physical contact brought Ciel to his senses. Once again, he fought back as best he could, but to no avail. He was taken to another room with a wooden tub in the center. Two women in the same red robes as their male counterpart helped the man strip Ciel of his bloodstained nightshirt, forcibly bathe him, and dress him in a clean white shift with no trim or ornamentation.

  Exhausted, frightened, and numb with loss and grief, Ciel had withdrawn into himself. Sniffing, he was, nonetheless, making an attempt at bravery, stubbornly refusing to break down and cry. But he was on the edge, perilously close to breaking. Only his pride was keeping him on his feet.

  The women took places to either side of Ciel and the man opened the door and led them down a long, dimly lit corridor. They stopped outside another closed door and stood in silence as if waiting for something. After a moment the door opened just a fraction, and the man whispered something to whoever was on the other side. The door closed again and they resumed waiting in silence.

  It was then that I was able to discern a male voice on the other side of the door. It sounded as if he was addressing an audience of people. And the voice was familiar. The second man who came to see Ciel in his cage was apparently the leader of whatever kind of group this was.

  “My esteemed colleagues,” he began, his voice muffled but audible through the door. “Tonight's auction is a closed affair - members only - for a very special reason. You will find bidding slips under your seats. This is to be a private bidding as well, to prevent things from getting, shall we say, _**heated**_ , and to keep things fair.” What he considered “fair” about kidnapping and auctioning off a child after having his family brutally murdered was beyond my ability to comprehend. Humans. And they say  ** _we're_** evil. From what I'd gathered from Ciel's memories thus far, this was some sort of secret society or cult that his father must have been investigating and trying to shut down. That would explain a great deal. I decided right then that if I could help Ciel find and put an end to these charlatans, they would find out a thing or two about “evil.” 

  And that was before I saw what they did to him...

  There was a discreet tap on the door, which was apparently the signal to bring Ciel into the room.

  The chamber was round, with a stone table in the center, surrounded by arcane carvings on the floor. There was a group of thirty, perhaps forty people, seated in ornately carved chairs in a circle around the outer edge of the room. A collective gasp arose as Ciel was marched up to where the leader stood next to the table. Ciel was trembling, but still managing to remain standing.

  “A fortnight from now, we will hold a celebration ceremony,” the robed man continued. “Commemorating the end of the house that has, over the years, decimated our ranks and forced us into hiding. The House of Phantomhive. The winner of tonight's auction will have the honour of presenting the last of their accursed line for the ceremony.” The room was dead silent. Even hooded, one could feel the stares from the seated figures around the room. The hate was nearly a tangible thing.

  The only crime Ciel was guilty of was being born a Phantomhive. These people needed a scapegoat to appease their anger - their precious wounded pride - and Ciel was a bid away from becoming their sacrificial lamb.

  “You may commence placing your bids.” It was over in less than five minutes. Another robed woman collected all of the slips of paper, and the man who brought Ciel into the room took them and left through another door exactly opposite from the one they'd entered.

  Silence. Unnerving, nearly unnatural silence. Even Ciel had stopped sniffling. The atmosphere was oppressively heavy.

  When the man returned, it was with one slip of paper and a long iron rod with a disc of some sort on one end. He handed the slip of paper to the leader and waited. After glancing at the paper, he nodded to the other, who took the rod and walked across the room to the right to stand before one of the seated figures. He handed it to this new person - I couldn't tell if they were male or female - and stepped to the side, gesturing for them to stand and step forward.

  As they approached the head of the table, which I had guessed by now was actually an altar, the leader, the two women and the other robed man surrounded Ciel. He literally had nowhere to go. The leader grabbed Ciel's arms, his second grabbed Ciel's feet, and the two women moved to flank the sides of the altar.

  Understanding that something terrible was about to happen, Ciel panicked. He screamed, he kicked, he writhed, but these were grown men, and he was so petite and slender. He had no chance against them, but he continued fighting until they laid him on the altar and pinned him down as the women attached leather restraints to his wrists and ankles.

  There was, I now noticed, a brazier of hot coals at the foot of the altar. The new person - obviously the winner of the auction - moved to stand beside it. They reached into the collar of their robe and removed a necklace with an iron pendant on it. While Ciel was being restrained, they removed the pendant from the chain, attached it to the disc on the end of the iron rod, and placed that end into the coals.

  A brand. No wonder poor Ciel had gotten nervous when I explained about the Seal of our Contract. And why he had asked if it would hurt. He wanted to be prepared this time because he'd had no choice and hadn't been prepared for this…

  Ciel had nearly worn himself out struggling. Panting and whimpering, he was drenched in sweat and shaking all over. The leader drew a ceremonial dagger and proceeded to cut through the thin, white shift Ciel was wearing, opening it straight down the front. Afraid to move with the sharp blade so close to his skin, Ciel froze and started to cry again. The women attendants each grabbed the edges of the fabric to pull it apart as it was cut until they reached the bottom. Then they stepped back.

  Stripped and restrained; helpless and vulnerable. I felt something inside of me - deeply buried for years - snap at the sight. A feeling I had not felt in literally  _ **ages**_ came over me, rushing into my consciousness with a white-hot searing heat...

**_Righteous anger on someone else's behalf..._ **

  Ciel had done absolutely  ** _nothing_** to deserve this. Of all the humans over the years whom I had entered into Contracts with, his case for vengeance was the most thoroughly justified I had ever seen. Add to that the fact that all of my previous masters had willingly, deliberately summoned me, knowing full well what they were getting into - while Ciel's hand was forced, in a way, by the very helplessness I was, through his memories, witnessing. 

  What they were doing was - put simply - barbaric. I've seen plenty of human cruelty, and I've dealt out my share of vengeful acts on behalf of previous masters. It takes an incredible act of absolutely grievous cruelty to really get under my skin after all I've seen, and lived through myself, for that matter. But this…

  Nothing could have prepared me for what I knew was coming. Removing the brand - now glowing a bright shade of yellow-orange - from the brazier, the person moved around to the left side of the altar. Ciel saw them coming and jerked against the restraints, sobbing. The women grasped his arms, the other two men took hold of his legs, and with no hesitation, the other pressed that hot iron against Ciel's flesh - on his ribs about midway between his armpit and his waist.

  Ciel's screams are seared into my mind as surely as that brand is seared into his smooth, innocent skin. The sound...the hiss of the heat reacting to the moisture in one's flesh...the stench of burning skin…

  It never really goes away, the memory of such things. I should know. I've been there myself...a shared memory of a similar incident swam to the surface in the dark pool of my mind and I could feel an echoing pain on the back of my left hand…

  As the branding iron was pulled away, Ciel gasped, gave a few more breathless sobs, and then lost consciousness...

  When he awoke again, he was back in the cage, curled up in the back, left-hand corner. He didn't move, but he opened his eyes, which promptly filled with tears. Refusing to openly cry, he lay perfectly still, blinking occasionally as the tears slid silently down his face.

  Time lost meaning in the quiet dimness of that room. The only sounds for an undetermined stretch of time were the steady dripping of water and the occasional rustle of clothing as one of the children shifted in their cage.

  A woman came in at some point, robed and hooded like all the others had been. She was pushing a cart with wooden bowls and cups on it. The children - except for Ciel - raised their heads. The movement was nearly in unison, giving it an eery, unnatural quality. Other than that, they remained still as the woman placed a bowl of porridge and a cup of water in each cage. The other children proceeded to eat in relative silence, but Ciel didn't move a muscle, remaining curled tightly in the back of his cage.

  Suddenly, there was a noise outside. The woman froze in mid-motion, listening. It went silent for a moment, and then, pardon the phrase, all Hell broke loose.

  The door burst open and several uniformed men rushed into the room. The woman dropped the bowl she was holding and backed into a corner of the room, searching frantically for an opening, a way out. Seeing none, she pulled a tiny, ceremonial knife from her pocket. Before anyone had time to register what her intention was, she reached up under the edge of her hood and her hand jerked swiftly to the side. The front of her red robes suddenly turned an even darker shade of crimson and she swayed, then dropped to the floor.

  Chaos ensued. Sensing a shift in the atmosphere of the room, all of the children dropped their cups and bowls and clamoured at the doors to their cages. Voices hoarse and raspy from long disuse finally spoke up.

  “I want my mum and dad!”

  “Please, let me out!”

  “I want to go home!”

  The only one who still didn't move was Ciel. His eyes were open, and he was alert, but still traumatised and in pain, he remained perfectly still.

  It was then that another man, not in uniform, but well dressed and obviously in charge stepped through the door. Quickly assessing the situation, he pulled one policeman aside. “Go fetch a doctor and some nurses. Tell them to bring blankets. Hurry!” Grabbing another man's arm and pointing at the fallen form of the woman, he instructed, “Search her pockets for a key to these cages. As their caretaker - for lack of a more appropriate term - she should have one. Let's get these kids back home to their families.” Scanning the room again, he spotted Ciel. The man took off his bowler hat and slowly approached Ciel's cage.

  Getting a better look at him without his hat on, I was surprised by his youth. Perhaps in his mid-twenties, this fellow didn't look like a cop. Wavy brown hair, slightly unruly and just down to his collar, kind blue eyes, clean shaven - handsome in a plain way - he didn't appear very tough. Which may have been a blessing in this case.

  He knelt in front of Ciel's cage. Ciel still didn't move, but watched the man warily, pain and distrust of strangers written plainly on his face.

  “Ciel? Ciel Phantomhive? I'm Detective Abberline from Scotland Yard.” Ciel's head came up slightly. “Mr. Tanaka came to us as soon as it was discovered you were missing. We put the word out to as many of your father's underworld contacts as we could. A Chinese man - Mr. Lau - had heard something and tipped us off. Mr. Tanaka is waiting at your family's London townhouse for any word from us. Will you let me help you? Let me take you to him?” Abberline kept his tone soft and calm and his hands in plain sight where Ciel could see them at all times.

  Abberline’s perceptiveness concerning Ciel's traumatised, vulnerable state combined with his compassionate approach worked. Ciel slowly, painfully uncurled and tried to sit up, grimacing.

  “Are you injured, Ciel?” Abberline asked, noticing Ciel's difficulty moving. Sniffing, Ciel nodded. Abberline turned back to where the others were helping the other children out of their cages. The doctor had just arrived with two nurses and a stack of blankets. “I need that key! And a blanket!” He then turned back to Ciel. “Easy, Ciel. We're going go get you out of there now.”

  As Abberline took the key and got the cage door unlocked, one of the nurses brought him a blanket. Ciel was still wearing the same torn, while shift he'd been in during the ceremony. He was trying to clutch the edges together and crawl forward at the same time. Abberline took the blanket from the nurse, then gently helped Ciel out of the cage, tenderly wrapping the blanket around his tiny frame.

  Ciel collapsed into Abberline’s arms, shaking. He didn't say a word, sobbing silently into Abberline’s shoulder. The detective carefully lifted Ciel from the floor. “Shhh...I’ll take you to Mr. Tanaka, now, Ciel. You're going to be alright…”

  Exhausted, grief-stricken and in pain, Ciel mercifully passed out before Detective Abberline even made it out the door.

  When Ciel woke again, he was in a clean, soft nightshirt in bed in a beautifully furnished room. It was nighttime, and there was a lamp lit on the nightstand. An older gentleman of possibly mixed Japanese heritage sat in a chair close to the bed, keeping a watchful eye on him, even in his sleep. I assumed that this was Mr. Tanaka.

  He was a dignified fellow, with salt and pepper hair - heavier on the salt - and he was dressed in a rather formal manner. When Ciel opened his eyes, Tanaka leaned a bit forward in his seat.

  “Young master?” he addressed Ciel. A servant, then. Perhaps a butler? “How are you feeling? Are you thirsty?” Ciel swallowed, then nodded. Tanaka stood and took a pitcher and cup from a tray on the nightstand to pour Ciel some water. He had been prepared ahead of time for the possibility of that need when Ciel awoke. For some reason, I took particular note of that detail, filing it away for future reference.

  Ciel winced as he attempted to sit up. Noticing this, Tanaka immediately set the pitcher and cup down to assist him, placing an extra pillow against the headboard behind him to make him more comfortable. After seeing that Ciel was settled comfortably, he carefully placed the cup in Ciel's hands, making sure he had a firm grasp on it before letting go.

  Something told me I needed to be keenly observant of Tanaka’s behaviour. Ciel's memories flashed forward a bit. The next block of time seemed to go by in a bit of a blur - several weeks, perhaps? - but Tanaka was there, consistently caring for Ciel. Helping him bathe and dress, preparing his meals, tidying up the house. He was a constant, mostly silent presence; always checking in to see that Ciel's needs were met. And considering Ciel still wasn't speaking, that took some doing.

  Ciel spent vast amounts of time in the library. I had a feeling I knew what he was up to. Research. He wrote several letters, which Tanaka had delivered, and received responses, some of which he seemed pleased with and others that apparently exasperated him.

  The one memory that seemed a bit hazy, as if he didn't wish to linger there, was his parents’ funeral. Despite it being a clear and beautiful - if somewhat cold - day, it had a slightly out-of-focus quality to it. Too painful, I suppose, for him to fully face yet.

  One day, Ciel finally broke his silence. A hoarsly whispered request for tea which after the initial shock, had Tanaka hurrying (in a dignified manner, of course) to the kitchen to brew a fresh pot.

  After drinking a cup to regain a bit of his voice, Ciel asked Tanaka some questions about what happened. Unfortunately there wasn't much to tell. Then, hesitantly, Ciel managed to tell Tanaka what happened to him that awful night. When he finished, they both sat in silence, thinking. Finally, Ciel spoke again.

  “I know you were considering retiring, or at least stepping down as my family's primary butler. Would you consider staying at least for a while longer? I'll hire on another butler to take over, but because of who my family is, who we work for, it will take someone with a particular skill set to fill the role. I will need you to make sure they're properly trained to fill your shoes…”

  “Of course, young master,” Tanaka replied. “Your family has been my family for many years now. I have no intention of leaving.”

  Ciel breathed a sigh of relief. “ Good. Now I have a list of errands that need attending to, and while you're doing that, there's something I'm going to try to get some information about who's behind all of this…”

  Tanaka suddenly looked concerned. “I hope you don't intend to attempt anything that will further endanger yourself, my lord.” His tone conveyed both worry and a hint of exasperation. I got the distinct feeling that he had gotten Ciel out of trouble before.

  “I've been pretty thorough with my research,” Ciel said calmly. “I'm fairly confident that it will work.”

  So. This was it. This was when he cast the spell that brought me here by accident. At least he sort of informed Tanaka before attempting it. The poor fellow wouldn't be completely caught unawares.

  “Just please be careful, young master,” Tanaka pleaded.

  “I will,” Ciel said. Tanaka didn't seem very reassured by that, but he refrained from making any further comments. He gave a resigned sigh - obviously used to dealing with his young master's tenacity when pursuing something he deemed important - and asked for the errand list. Ciel gave him the list and several letters to mail, and Tanaka donned his coat and hat (It may be nearly spring, but it's still a bit chilly) and departed, leaving Ciel alone in the house.

  Ciel immediately set to work as soon as Tanaka closed the door. It was plain to see that he had been preparing for some time. He took the book, a fresh piece of chalk, a small bag of sea salt, and the candleabra down to the cellar. It was the perfect place - quiet, no distractions, plenty of open floor space for the circle.

  After meticulously drawing his circle and triple checking every detail all the way around, Ciel carefully reinforced its outer ring with the sea salt. Gaining confidence from the successful completion of this part of the process, he sat cross-legged in the floor with the book open on his lap and closed his eyes. He took several slow, deep breaths to calm his nerves and focus. Then he opened his eyes and began to read the incantation.

  Of course I recognised it. It truly was what he'd claimed - A discernment spell. So what went wrong? Listening carefully, I tried to determine where the mistake was...and failed. However...I did notice something unusual.

  Ciel's aura. It was a softer shade of blue than his eyes, and it surrounded him with a halo of light. Everyone has one. They differ in colour and vary in strength. Ciel's grief and determination to find his family's killer had further strengthened his. So it wasn't his spell-casting that was necessarily to blame, but the  ** _amount_** of energy and purpose he had put behind it.

  In other words, it had pushed far past where he intended it to go, and in doing so, changed its purpose and it reached **_me_**.

  As soon as the last word of the incantation left Ciel's lips there was a pronounced hush followed by a drop in the room's pressure, which had Ciel covering his ears with both hands. A small dark spot appeared about three feet off the ground in the middle of the circle, surrounded by a swirling gray mist. The spot grew bigger, and the mist grew more agitated as a brisk wind issued forth from its center, where it became obvious that the spot was actually a **_hole_**. A portal, to be more precise. A gust of wind swept through the room, nearly putting the candles out; the darkness in the circle’s center intensified and then…

  Silence.

  A flat plain of fine, silver-gray sand under a perpetually cloudy sky. A very slight breeze stirred both my cloak and Ciel's hair. Still on one knee, holding his left hand between mine, I had opened my eyes and looked up to meet his sapphire gaze. Observing our surroundings he whispered, “Where are we?”

  “Nowhere in particular,” I answered in a soft, reassuring tone. “A space between worlds, in our minds.” I gave that a moment to sink in before asking quietly, “What is it you wish for me to do for you, young master?”

  Looking back at me, Ciel spoke without hesitation. “I want you to aid me in finding those people responsible for my family's deaths and my torture, so they can be brought to justice - made to  ** _pay_** for what they did.” He paused, then continued. “My family obviously has enemies. In order to reach my goal of revenge, I'll also need your protection from them.”

  “Of course,” I agreed.

  “You will need to assume a position within my household that will allow you to remain close to me without arousing suspicion.” Ciel paused again, looking me directly in the eyes with that piercing blue gaze. “Sebastian Michaelis,” he said softly, and a warm, tingling sensation ran up my arm from where my left hand held his. “ You will serve as my butler and protector until such time as our Contract is fulfilled.”

  Inclining my head in a slight bow, I responded quietly, “Yes, my lord…”

  As soon as I spoke those words, the cellar snapped sharply back into focus, and Ciel swayed on his feet. I caught him as he fell, with my now human hands, and cradled him gently in my arms.

  I now knew his age was ten years, and that he was just small for his age due to childhood illness. I also knew that in my human form, I bore a striking resemblance to his father, Vincent Phantomhive. I had retained my natural ruby eye colour - no choice there - and my naturally jet black hair, which I kept slightly longer around my face so as to downplay the resemblance to keep from possibly upsetting him. Enough resemblance to be comforting without risking suspicion from others.

  My finger- and toenails remained black, though; those, like my eye and hair colour I could not change, along with the mark on the back of my left hand. An intricate pentacle star with a border circle resembling thorns, it would be echoed somewhere on Ciel's person as the Seal of our Contract...

  He stirred slightly, coming around. It was then that I noticed he had shed a few tears; unsurprising, considering the painful memories he had relived during the binding. But the tear streaks on the right side of his face were tinged with red…

  Ciel opened his eyes. Unable to help myself, I gasped in shock.

  His right eye was now a stunning shade of amethyst with the Seal of our Contract taking up the entire circumference of the iris. After the initial shock, I reached out with one finger to wipe the bloody tears from his porcelain skin. “Oh, young master,” I whispered, “why would you choose to…” The answer hit me before I could finish the question, and Ciel confirmed it.

  “Not...on my skin,” he said in a shaky whisper. “Never again…”

  Using the same hand I'd wiped his tears with, I brushed a strand of hair from his face. “What do you wish to do now, my lord?” I asked. “Perhaps rest? You must be tired after all of this.” He nodded, so I helped him to his feet and let him hold on to my shoulder to steady himself. “Will you be able to climb the stairs?” He nodded again.

  “Just follow right behind me,” Ciel said.

  “Of course,” I replied.

  Other than being a bit tired and perhaps a tad unsteady on his feet, my new young master seemed to have - despite his delicate appearance - come through the binding of our Contract none the worse for wear. I followed him up the cellar stairs to the kitchen, where Ciel sat down at the table, gesturing for me to take a seat opposite him. I pulled out a chair and did so, then waited for him to speak.

  “I suppose I will have to explain to Tanaka what happened,” he reasoned aloud. “He's the most capable butler and most trustworthy man I know.”

  “I shall trust your judgement where that is concerned,” I said. “It would make sense if I am to be working closely with him.”

  Ciel sighed. Things had definitely not gone as he had intended, but he was trying to make the best of it now. “I'll talk to him when he returns, which should be shortly,” he said, looking at the clock. “After I explain things to him, I'll have him take your measurements for the purpose of having suitable clothes made for you. Leather will hardly be appropriate. Then he can begin training you to be my new butler.”

  “How are you going to explain the Seal?” I asked softly. In all my years as a Fallen, I had never even  _ **heard**_ of a Seal being placed where Ciel had chosen to place ours. In such a prominent, conspicuous place, the bond would be amazingly strong - I could already feel it - but very difficult to explain.

  “When Tanaka goes to the tailor with your measurements, I'll have him purchase an eye patch. I'm sure we can come up with a suitable explanation for me wearing one. An injury of some sort, perhaps.”

  “A logical explanation,” I agreed. We both went quiet for a moment, studying each other. Once again, it was Ciel who broke the silence.

  “Did you choose to appear this way on purpose?” he asked quietly. I shook my head slightly.

  “No young master. I'm terribly sorry if it bothers you, but this is actually my human form. I noticed the strong resemblance myself, hence the choice to leave my hair a bit on the long side…”

  “It's alright,” Ciel interrupted.“It doesn't bother me. I just wondered.” It was at that moment that we heard the key turn in the lock on the front door, followed by the door opening and closing. “Stay here,” he instructed, getting up. He hastily pulled some of his hair over his right eye to hide the Seal and left the room, closing the door behind him.

  I listened as he greeted Tanaka. The current Phantomhive butler sounded relieved to find that Ciel was alright. He was going to be in for a bit of a shock when he learned what his young master had done. Ciel asked Tanaka to join him in the study so they could talk. I could hear their retreating footsteps as they got further away, then the closing of the study door.

  Choosing not to listen in on their conversation, I occupied myself by exploring the kitchen a little to familiarise myself with it. I was studying the names of the herbs and spices in the pantry cabinet when I heard footsteps approaching and then the door opening. I turned to find Ciel watching me with an amused expression.

  “Getting a head start on things?” he asked with a slightly sarcastic grin, which I returned.

  “An attempt to use idle time wisely,” I replied. Getting the reference, Ciel rolled his eyes at me. He didn't laugh, but I could see the amusement on his face.

  “Tanaka,” he said, “this is Sebastian Michaelis. Sebastian, this is Tanaka, the current butler to the Phantomhive family.” Introductions made, Ciel turned to Tanaka. “I wish to go rest for a while. The two of you can get to know each other and get started on training. If I'm not awake by dinner time, just come and wake me.”

  “Certainly, young master,” Tanaka replied. “Will there be anything else before you retire?”

  “Just see to it that Sebastian has a room of his own and show him around the house.”

  Tanaka inclined his head and Ciel left the room. As soon as he was gone, Tanaka turned back to me. “Well,” he said. “Let's get you settled in. And measured for some new clothes…”

  For the next few hours, I absorbed as much as I could, paying close attention to my instructor. Tanaka was thorough and patient; a kind and sensitive teacher. I was impressed with both his expertise and pride in his work, and his willingness - despite knowing what I was - to teach me with such kindness. I understood that he was doing it for Ciel, but still...not many people would be willing to be kind to one of us. He didn't treat me any differently, which baffled me a little.

  When it came time to prepare dinner, he allowed me to help, explaining everything as he went. He showed me how to set the table properly, down to the last detail. We were just finishing up when Ciel walked into the dining room.

  “I see you two seem to be getting along alright,” he observed.

  “Sebastian is a quick study,” Tanaka replied. “By the time I'm done training him he will make a first rate butler, I'm sure of it.” Surprised by the compliment, it took me a moment to find my voice.

  “Thank you,” I said. “You are a most patient and thorough teacher.”

  Ciel smiled, happy, I assumed, to see us getting along.

  I watched Tanaka serve dinner, observing him closely. After dinner, Ciel took tea in the study while we cleaned up and put everything in the kitchen in order. Then when Ciel was finished reading, I helped Tanaka prepare his bath before bedtime.

  When Tanaka helped bathe Ciel, he was so gentle, especially with the area around the brand. Seeing it in person for the first time, that hateful mark burned into his otherwise flawless, innocent skin, I felt the same surge of righteous anger, along with a sudden, unexplainable urge to shield and protect Ciel from harm that I had never felt with another Contract. It confused me, and I had a hard time shaking it off in order to pay attention to Tanaka. I chalked it up to being distracted by recalling Ciel's memories of the incident.

  Even after taking a nap earlier, it was obvious that Ciel was tired after the day's events. The warm bath only made him more sleepy. Tanaka helped him into bed, and asked if he needed anything else.

  “No…” Ciel started, then paused. “Actually, Sebastian? Could you come sit beside me for a few minutes?” A little surprised, I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

  “Yes, young master?”

  “I'm sorry I trapped you in my circle,” he said softly. “But...I think...I think I'm glad you're here.” Touched by this for some reason - I can't explain why - I reached out and gently brushed his hair out of his face.

  “Me, too,” I replied softly.

  “I named you after my dog,” he said quietly, “because he was loyal and protective.” I couldn't help but smile.

  “I guessed as much,” I replied. “It's a fine name. Thank you.” I paused, then asked him a question. “Where did ‘Michaelis’ come from?”

  “There's this Japanese word - mikairi - it means ‘repayment’. You're helping me repay those who killed my family for what they did, and in return, I have to repay you for that help,” he explained. Was this kid really only ten? “But you aren't Japanese, so I picked something that sounded similar because that made sense.”

  I have to admit, the fact that Ciel took such pains over my name meant more than I knew how to express. No one had ever given me a name with so much meaning and sentiment behind it. Or chosen to place the Seal of our Contract in such a place...nothing about this Contract was, for lack of a better word, “normal.”

  Close to drifting off Ciel yawned, then sighed. “You smell nice,” he mumbled softly, “like incense…” And just like that - he was sound asleep.


	2. His Butler: Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian faces quite an ordeal, but is aided by an unexpected visitor. A reunion with an old friend...

Redemption: A Black Butler Story 

Chapter 2 - His Butler, Awake

 

 I awakened from the dream with a jerk, sitting up in my bed. It was still dark outside and the fire had burned low. Maybe due to the dream, I had a sudden urge to go check on Ciel. There was just one problem with that. 

 I couldn't allow him to see me doing it.

 In the three years since the day I had dreamt of - since we entered into the Contract - we had tracked down and either captured and turned in or eliminated multiple members of the cult that had killed Ciel's parents and tortured him. But their leader had eluded us thus far. The closest we had come to him had been three days ago, and that had been a disaster…

 It had never occurred to either myself or Ciel that any of the members of their group may have also entered into a Contract with another Fallen. We are much fewer in number now than we used to be due to many being banished for extremely long periods of time; I haven't had any contact with another of my kind for many years. Which is probably why I failed to recognise his scent.

 Each Fallen, just like Angels (and even Humans to a lesser degree), has a unique scent. With our superior senses, given the opportunity, we can actually recognise one another by smell. By the time I caught a whiff of this particular Fallen’s scent and was able to recognise it for what it was, it had been too late.

 Ciel and I had, through information from multiple contacts, tracked down another cult member. Holed up in an abandoned village's church with no immediately visible back-up, he gave the appearance of being alone. He wasn't. Their leader was also there and they were strangely calm and not all that surprised by our appearance. We were both armed, Ciel and I, and ordinarily, we could have taken two opponents with very little trouble. But before we could even get close, I caught the faintest whiff of nightshade right before a black-cloaked figure dropped from above.

 He must have been perched on the giant wrought iron chandelier, high up close to the vaulted ceiling, observing our approach from the shadows there. He may have even caught my scent - an incense-like combination of amber, clove and myrrh - before we even entered the church. Attacking without hesitation, he had me scrambling to keep myself between him, the other two men, and Ciel.

 It's very rare indeed that my young master and I are caught off-guard. In this case, it was just enough to leave a small window of opportunity. The other Fallen extended one hand towards Ciel, and the silently cast spell created the faintest ripple in the air before catching him squarely in the chest and knocking him right off his feet. He landed on his back and didn't move.

 For a split second I feared that the worst had happened - that my young master had been killed. But then I felt it, the bond of the Contract. As soon as I was assured that he still lived…

 I attacked the other Fallen with a deadly silent ferocity that until that moment even I had not been aware I was capable of. He was hard pressed to fend me off, but I soon realised he had played on my rage deliberately, allowing the two cult members the chance to flee while my attention was focused on him. Then with a wicked smile and a flourish of his cloak, he too disappeared after them. 

 Immediately, I rushed over to see to Ciel. He was just beginning to stir, and I gently helped him to sit up. “Young master? Are you hurt?” He put a hand on the back of his head.

 “Just hit my head, but it doesn't really hurt…” he answered. “But I feel...strange.”

 “How so? Dizzy? Ill? Define strange…”

 “I'm not sure…” He opened his left eye and looked at me. I gasped and for the first time I can recall, I lost my balance right where I was kneeling and sat rather gracelessly on the floor.

 His eye was the same colour as mine.

 “Let me see your hands, young master,” I whispered.

 “Why? What's going on, Sebastian?”

 “Please, my lord,” I answered.

 “Fine,” Ciel answered back with an exasperated sigh, “but then I want to know…” He stopped when he saw his own hands.

 The nails had turned black.

 “What the hell?”

 I was shaking now. That bastard. He would  **_pay_ ** for this. In blood, if I had my way.

 “It's a curse…” I whispered. “He's turned you...into...one of  **_us…_ ** ” I swallowed, suddenly feeling ill.

 “ **_What?_ ** ” Ciel snapped. “What do you mean?”

 “You've become like me - a Demon.” I could barely speak.

 “Meaning?” Ciel spoke through clenched teeth.

 “You won't die unless you're slain somehow. And…”

 “And?”

 “Your soul is untouchable. No Fallen can ever feed off of it. Contract or not…” I hesitated.

 “My family…” Ciel whispered, heartbreak in his tone. “It means I can't be with them again, doesn't it?”

 I felt a sharp pain inside my ribcage. How could I answer that? His comfort through this whole ordeal had been the reassurance that eventually he would be reunited with them. And now…

 He got up and spun on his heel, walking straight out the door. I sat there for a full minute after he'd left, dazed and completely at a loss to even begin understanding what I was feeling. At last, I picked myself up and followed him back to the entrance of the village where we had a carriage waiting.

 The ride back to the Phantomhive Estate was awkwardly silent. Ciel was fuming. I let him have his space. Neither of us knew what to say anyway.

 When we arrived at the manor, he headed straight for the library, shedding his hat, cloak and coat as he went, barely looking to see if I managed to take them from him before they hit the floor. 

 “Young master…” I started.

 “ **_Don't._ ** Talk. To. Me,” he spat, finally turning to face me before entering the library. I stopped right in front of him, holding his things in my arms. It took everything I had to meet his angry gaze. He jerked the patch off, revealing his right eye, which now matched his left, except for the Seal, which was still there. Hot, angry tears were welling up in those now crimson orbs. “You failed,” he said in a shaky whisper. “You swore to protect me, and you  **_failed_ ** .”

 Unable to look away, unable to move, I stood there, forcing myself to maintain eye contact. Begging with my eyes, a silent plea for forgiveness…

 “This is an order…”

 Please, young master...don’t…

 “Get out of my sight. And stay away until I decide to send for you.”

 I couldn't even answer him since he had directly commanded me not to speak. Placing my right hand on my chest, I gave a slight bow and turned away. I had only taken a few steps when the sound of Ciel slamming the library door actually made me flinch.

 His last order couldn't have hurt worse if he had stabbed me as he delivered it. With a hot poker. Right in the chest…

 What was wrong with me? When, over the last three years, had our relationship shifted from Contract/butler to...whatever  **_this_ ** was?

 Who was I kidding. Our Contract had been unusual and complicated from the start. Ciel brought out emotions and personality traits in me that had long been dormant, such as actually giving a damn what others’ thoughts and feelings were.

 Especially his. Because if I was honest with myself, I  **_did_ ** care. About not just him, but Tanaka and the others - the maid, Mey-Rin, Finny the gardener, and Bard, the cook. We had, over the past three years, become a family of sorts. A bit dysfunctional, but still…

 Numb with shock and not knowing what to do, I headed for Ciel's rooms. At least I could put his things away, since he was in the library. Then I went to the kitchen to prepare him some tea.

 The others were there, sitting at the table having some tea themselves. They all looked up as I entered.

 “Sebastian, sir, is everything alright?” Mey-Rin asked. “We heard a door slam…”

 “The young master is...upset at the moment,” I explained quietly. “Tanaka, if you wouldn't mind taking him his tea and checking on him for me?”

 “Certainly,” Tanaka said.

 “Thank you,” I replied.

 That was three days ago.

 Performing my duties around the restriction his last order imposed on me proved difficult, but I managed. With my keen sense of hearing, I successfully avoided violating his order by staying just out of his way. Unfortunately, it meant overhearing other things as well. 

 Everyone else was as worried about Ciel as I was. But only Tanaka knew the whole story.

 Of course Ciel told him. And surprisingly, Tanaka actually pleaded my case to the young master despite me not saying a word. 

 “No one, not even a being such as Sebastian, is perfect,” he had calmly reasoned. “You were  **_both_ ** caught unawares. He's being all tough and stoic about it, but your treatment of him is hurting his feelings. He knows he made a mistake. Don't you think you're being a bit harsh? He's being hard enough on himself without you adding to it.”

 Ciel sighed. “Fine. Go fetch him for me, then.”

 Tanaka found me in the kitchen, where I was setting the tea set on a tray for him to take to Ciel in the study. “He wants to see you.” Nodding, I picked up the tray. Tanaka put a hand on my shoulder. “Give it some time. He's a hurt and confused thirteen-year-old. He needs time to sort things.” I looked at Tanaka.

 “Thank you,” I whispered, my voice uncharacteristically shaky.

 “You're welcome,” he replied. He knew what I was thanking him for. “He needs you, even if he's angry right now.” Tanaka gave my shoulder an affectionate squeeze before letting go. “You're one hell of a butler, after all.”

 Using one of my own lines to try to cheer me up and remind me who I was. That was Tanaka for you. “A Phantomhive butler who can't find a way to atone for his mistakes and make his master happy again isn't worth his salt,” I answered softly. 

 Tanaka smiled gently at me and gave me one last reassuring pat on the back as I took the tea tray through the kitchen door and headed up to the study.

 Stopping right outside the door, I took a deep, calming breath before tapping softly on the door with one knuckle. 

 “ Come in,” came the slightly irritated reply.

 I slowly eased the door open. Ciel was sitting at his desk with the chair turned sideways so he could see out the window. It was starting to become cloudy, but the sun broke through the swiftly moving clouds to cast abstract shadow-shapes across the gardens. Not looking away from the view outside, Ciel spoke again.

 “Well, are you just going to stand there or did you bring the tea for no reason?”

 Silently, I approached the desk. I poured him a cup of the chai I had prepared. His friend Prince Soma from India and his butler, Agni, had it delivered to them from their home country on a regular basis and always shared it with us. I thought it might improve Ciel's mood. He took the cup without looking at me. Maybe I was wrong…

 “I know you came to check on me last night and early this morning.”

 I froze. Before going to bed and upon waking from the dream about the day we sealed our Contract, I had crept quietly to the door to his rooms and looked in on him. I was sure I had been quiet enough not to wake him. Apparently not. Ciel sighed.

 “I was already awake,” he said, as if he knew what I was thinking. “I've had trouble sleeping since…” he trailed off. No need to explain further. “Anyway, I have a question for you. Is there a way to reverse this? Counteract the curse?” He finally turned to look at me. “You have permission to speak.”

 I cringed inwardly under his obviously still displeased crimson gaze. His clipped tone hurt. I tried to keep the pain of seeing him like this from showing, but something told me I didn't quite succeed. Ciel took a deep breath and attempted to soften his tone. “Surely there is a way to...fix this.”

 Clearing my throat in an attempt to steady my voice, I replied, “Perhaps. Do you wish for me to research the possibility and report my findings, my lord?”

 “Yes,” Ciel replied, taking another sip of his tea. “As soon as possible.”

 Placing my right hand on my chest, I gave a slight bow. “I shall get started straight away, then.” Receiving no further response or instructions, I turned and left the study, heading for the library. 

 ‘I  **_will_ ** atone for this mistake, young master,’ I thought as I walked. ‘I  **_will_ ** restore your faith in me as your protector. Whatever it takes…’

 The rest of the day went by in a blur. I spent several hours in the library, then prepared dinner, then back to the library while the others cleaned up. After that it was time for Ciel's bath before going to bed. I knew he would ask if I had found anything. What I had found, I also knew, he wasn't exactly going to be happy with. 

 Ciel was totally quiet during his bath. It felt as if he was tolerating my presence only because of Tanaka’s intervention. 

 It hurt. And the fact that it did only confused me and made it worse. The more I tried to sort things the more muddled they became. But one thing I knew for sure. My weird, complicated Contract and subsequent relationship with Ciel was changing me. Making me - a Fallen - a better person.

 Because of Ciel, I had tracked down and hired Mey-Rin, Finny and Bard, all of whom needed second chances at making better lives for themselves. They needed new purpose for their lives doing something worthwhile. Because of Ciel, I had helped give them that. 

 Because of Ciel, I had taken part in helping other people. In the process of tracking down the cult members, we had aided Scotland Yard in solving other crimes; saving lives and bringing some pretty nasty criminals to justice.

 My hungry, selfish side was telling me I was only helping Ciel because of how exquisite his soul's energy would be in the end. But this small yet insistent voice in the depths of my mind was whispering something else entirely…

 Sighing, I helped Ciel out of the bathtub and got him dry and dressed for bed. As I was tucking him in, he finally spoke. “Did you find anything?”

 “I'm still working on it, young master,” I replied. Not a lie. I fully intended to go straight back to the library tonight.

 “Let me know as soon as you find anything useful.”

 “Yes, my lord,” I responded.

 Ciel rolled over, turning his back to me. I was as good as dismissed. Leaving the room, I closed the door softly behind me.

 Everything I had managed to find so far indicated that only the original spell-caster could reverse a curse like this one. Having never found the need to use such a thing, I didn't actually know from experience. But if I had to stay awake all night, I was going to find out for sure…

 By three o’clock in the morning, I had exhausted the Phantomhive library's vast resources and given myself the closest thing to a migraine I'd had in several hundred years. Frustrated and angry - at the other Fallen for cursing my young master and at myself for allowing it to happen, then being helpless to do anything about it - I slammed the last book shut in exasperation. I sighed and ran a still gloved hand through my now ever-so-slightly disheveled hair.

 What to do...everything I had read indicated the same thing. The original spell-caster  **_had_ ** to be the one to reverse this type of curse. Which meant I only had one option.

 Hunt the bastard down and  **_make_ ** him undo what he'd done to my young master. 

 I  **_had_ ** to atone for my grievous error. I couldn't bear the hurt and blame in Ciel's eyes, the disappointment on his face, any more. He had instructed me to come to him when I had something of note to report. What could be more noteworthy than reporting that I'd found the misbegotten Fallen scum who'd done this to him and…

 Plan forming in my mind, I tidied up the library and then went to see Tanaka. 

 He was just waking up for his morning meditation when I arrived at his room. I explained that I needed to leave the estate for a little while to do something for the young master and asked if he would please take care of things in my absence. Hopefully, it would only take a day or two at the most. Tanaka agreed, of course. “Then I leave things in your capable hands until I return,” I told him. “You are also one hell of a butler, after all.”

 “Be careful, Sebastian,” Tanaka admonished. “These are dangerous people, even for someone like yourself.”

 Touched by his concern for my welfare, I promised I would and then left his room to prepare for where I was going.

 Back to the abandoned village. That was where I needed to pick up the trail, starting with familiarising myself with the other Fallen’s scent, so I could recognise him.

 I arrived about an hour later, on foot this time, having taken lesser used country roads and short cuts through forest and field when necessary. Pausing at the village entrance I checked my watch. Tanaka would be serving Ciel his breakfast about now. With any luck, I'd be home by dinner, or so I hoped.

 With all my senses on high alert, I approached the church with caution. I caught the scents of the two cult members and the Fallen’s soft nightshade scent as well. Other than the wind outside, all was quiet. The clouds had thickened since yesterday and the wind brought with it the smell of rain. ‘ We may be in for an early spring storm,’ I thought. ‘Best to get this done as quickly as possible.’

 I combed the entire sanctuary, sacristy, priest's study - the whole upstairs of the church - finding no clues as to where they might have gone. But I had their scents memorised now; that was a start.

 Then I discovered a door. A door to a cellar. Cautiously, I opened it.

 My quarries’ scents were stronger here. I allowed my eyes to shift to their glowing, cat-like state, better suited to seeing in the darker conditions I was entering. Then I crept silently down the rock-hewn stairs.

 Their scents grew stronger the further I went. Either this was where they spent the majority of their time or…

 All of the torches along the walls suddenly flared to life. Not entirely taken by surprise this time, I managed to get behind a shelf of supplies - candles and such - before the throwing knives could connect with my flesh. They thudded into another shelf on the wall, directly into a mouldering stack of hymn books.

 That same chilling chuckle from Ciel's memory of the day he was branded came to me from somewhere across the room to the left. “We assumed correctly, then, that you would return here to begin looking for us,” the cult leader said in a snide, patronising tone. “Let me guess, you want the curse lifted from your young master.” I didn't bother to give him the satisfaction of a response. Instead I began to creep as stealthily as possible down the aisle of shelves towards his voice, armed now with two handfuls of Phantomhive silverware. The picture of turning this smug bastard into a practical pincushion of knives and forks put a wickedly grim smile on my face. However, my first and foremost concern was getting my hands on the other Fallen. The two humans could wait. I was hoping that he was sticking close to his master and that by following the sound of his voice…

 The slightest whiff of nightshade was all the warning I got before he dropped from the top of the shelf to land right behind me. Damn, he was quiet! I spun just as he landed, barely managing to block his swing with the knives I had in my left hand and attempt a counterattack with the forks in my right. It was then that I noticed the unusual weapon he was wielding.

 It was a long dagger of some sort, made of a strange metal I'd never seen before. A deep silvery-gray with almost iridescent swirls in it, it was engraved down the center of the wavy, double-edged blade with arcane symbols - runes of some sort. ‘These fellows certainly are fond of ceremonial blades,’ I thought. ‘Too bad it'll take more than a pretty knife to do serious harm to a Fallen.’

 I was about to discover there was a lot more to this particular blade than I had bargained for.

 “Take him alive!” The cult leader instructed. “That's an order!”

 ‘Oh, really? I don't think so,’ I thought, as I continued trading blows with the other Fallen. Around the end of the set of shelves and out into the open area in the center of the room we moved in our deadly dance of blades. Still not enough space to allow me to really manoeuvre. If only I could get enough distance to start throwing blades…

 Instead, my opponent seemed keen on closing the distance, dogging my steps in an attempt to get even closer. Fine. Let's see how you handle three solid silver table knives to the gut. Maybe then you'll back off. 

 On his next swing, I feinted backwards, then quickly shifted my weight and going under his swing, got inside his reach and landed a solid blow just below his ribs with all three blades. He grunted at the impact and backed up. What I didn't see was him reversing his grip on the dagger. As he backed away, he raised his arm and brought the blade down between us, catching me in my left shoulder, just below my collarbone.

 For a split second, it felt like any other stab wound, painful but nothing I couldn't handle. And then…

 Excruciating doesn't even come close to describing the pain.

 The blade had penetrated all the way through my shoulder, the tip exiting my back. I could feel where its edge grated against the edge of my shoulderblade, close to the scar there where...I think the last time I had felt pain anywhere close to this had been  **_then…_ **

 Gasping in shock as he yanked the blade free, I felt an unfamiliar shakiness in my legs.

 No. No, no, no, absolutely not. I would  **_not_ ** fall...to fall would be to fail my young master - again - and I could not bear the shame and pain of that.

 Clutching the silverware I normally wielded with such deadly efficiency, I clenched my teeth and with a growl launched myself at my opponent. Not expecting me to recover and attempt such a bold move threw him off balance just long enough for me to land another well placed blow to his chest with the knives I had jerked free from his abdomen, followed by a swipe at his face and neck with the forks. He leaned back just out of reach for my second blow to land and managed to get his arm between us, slashing upwards in a diagonal strike aimed at my torso. Unable to reverse my momentum enough to completely avoid being hit, but just enough to keep from being gutted, I felt the sharp edge of that damned blade slice through my vest and shirt to trace a shallow bloody line from my waist, just to the right of my navel, across my ribs and chest to stop just shy of the stab wound in my shoulder.

 This time, unable to stop myself, I actually cried out in pain. How embarrassing. Managing to stay on my feet and pull another set of knives from a concealed coat pocket took an extreme act of willpower. I was forced to admit to myself that I was in serious trouble. My wounds weren't healing at nearly the rate they normally would, if at all, and the  **_pain..._ ** it was actually making me light-headed and nauseous of all things. Breathing ragged and knees feeling weak, I nonetheless braced myself to continue, retreat from this tightly confined space not an option.

 I was internally kicking myself. I had walked right into their trap. I had underestimated them and not taken into account just how formidable an opponent another Fallen would be. Centuries of not encountering any of my fellow Demons had lulled me into a false sense of security concerning my own abilities. Pitted against one now, armed with what I now knew to be a heavily enchanted weapon…

 “Finish this,” came the order from the other Fallen’s master. Without a word, he moved to obey.

 Sensing the inevitable, I still gave the attempt everything I had. Doing any less for my young master wasn't acceptable. If I was going down, I would do it with the knowledge that I had fought for him with dignity and honour until I breathed my last breath.

 A Phantomhive butler who couldn't do so wasn't worth his salt. 

 I managed, even through the pain and loss of blood, to fend off several blows before my arms started shaking just like my legs and he once again slipped past my guard. Unable to react quickly enough, I wasn't able to prevent him from getting behind me. He wrapped his left hand around my throat and leaning close whispered, “ The order was to take you alive, remember?”, before sinking the blade into my right side, just to the inside of and above my hip bone.

 Gasping, struggling to breathe through the pain, I sagged against the other Fallen as my knees finally buckled. The silverware made soft chiming sounds, almost like bells, as it struck the stone floor where it fell from my rapidly weakening grasp. The sound of someone screaming reached my ears as he pulled the blade free, and it took me a moment to realise it was me.

 Releasing his grip on my throat and stepping back, he allowed me to complete my humiliation by collapsing onto the cold stone floor. Shaking and twitching in absolute agony, I curled up on my side right where I'd fallen, coughing and gagging as I fought for breath.

 ‘Oh, young master,’ I thought, as I became aware of the unfamiliar sensation of moisture leaking from beneath my closed eyelids. ‘I am so, so sorry. I so desperately wanted to fix things, to atone for my mistake, and instead…’ I swallowed back what I strongly suspected was a sob. ‘I've only made things worse. How can I ever expect you to forgive me now...I’ll never be able to forgive myself…’

 Two approaching sets of footsteps caught my attention, interrupting my thoughts. I then felt the toe of a shoe under my chin. Raising his foot, the cult leader slowly forced me to turn my head to where they could see my face.

 “And now you understand,” he addressed the other Fallen, “why that blade is named ‘The Demon's Tears.’ The agony is exquisite, is it not?” he whispered at me. “I believe a few more less severe wounds should do it,” he continued, turning to the other Fallen. “Then we'll see to it that our erstwhile butler here is delivered - still breathing - back to his master with my letter. With any luck, the little Phantomhive bastard will get to witness his precious  servant’s last breath as he reads it.” Stepping back to allow the other Fallen to get closer to me, he instructed the other man to bring their carriage around to the front of the church. Then, leaning nonchalantly against a set of shelves, he gave the order - “Make him scream again. I found it quite... entertaining.”

 It took several tries. Determined not to utter so much as a sound for these bastards, I clenched my teeth and fought so hard. But even a Fallen has limits. I finally reached mine. My pain threshold is very high, but this blade…

 When he finished I had lacerations on both legs and another shallow, yet incredibly painful stab wound between two of my lower ribs on my right side. Coughing, I could taste my own blood. I also had some minor cuts on my arms between my elbows and wrists from trying to fend him off. In short, I was a bloody mess. The very idea of my young master seeing me in such a state...ashamed doesn't even come close.

 How I was still even awake I didn't understand. Sheer willpower,determination not to pass out and miss any clues, any information of importance is the only explanation I can come up with. The fact that they had all taken particular care to never call each other by name, keeping themselves anonymous, was a problem. 

 I was unceremoniously dragged, by my left arm - further paining my injured shoulder - up the stairs and down the center aisle of the church to the front door. There, the Fallen finally picked me up and roughly deposited me onto the floor of the carriage. Then he sat on one seat and the leader of the cult on the other. The door was closed and the several hour long ride back to the manor began.

 Time lost meaning to me. My mind was lost in a haze of pain and shame. At some point, I caught a flash of light through my closed eyelids followed by a distant rumble of thunder. That storm I had sensed earlier was finally moving in. Then the rain started. A gentle patter at first, it gained in volume until the sound of it being lashed by the wind against the carriage nearly drowned out the sound of the horses’ hooves.

 In the state I was in, I could feel every bump in the road. Every jostle and rock of the carriage sent fresh waves of pain through my body. ‘I will not lose consciousness,’ I told myself. ‘I will stay awake to face my young master, even if this makes him even angrier with me. I have to at least tell him I tried…’

 By the time the carriage pulled to a halt outside the Phantomhive manor, the storm had eased up a bit. Not that it mattered much. I was drenched in a cold sweat now, to go along with all the blood soaking my clothes. I had begun to shiver, which only exacerbated the pain. It took everything I had left not to make a sound as the Fallen opened the carriage door and dragged me by the back of my coat collar out into the rain to deposit me on the manor’s front steps. He then tucked a letter into the inside of my coat. “If it's any comfort, I would hate to go up against you in a fair fight, out in the open,” he said. “You were still a worthy adversary.” He then turned and got back into the carriage, which pulled away with some haste into the storm to disappear from sight. 

 I'm not sure exactly how long I laid there, with the chilly rain slowly soaking through my clothes, making my shivering that much worse. Everything hurt, and every attempt to move had me whimpering hoarsly through my now chattering teeth. And I had no way of knowing if, through the noise of the storm, anyone had even heard the carriage.  I could lie here for hours before anyone came outside and discovered me. Fortunately for me, that didn't happen.

 I heard the door open, but I was lying on my left side facing away from it, so I couldn't tell at first who had opened it. Then I heard voices.

 “I know I heard a carriage, Bard!”

 “No one in their right mind would be out in this, Mey-Rin!”

 “I know what I heard…” Mey-Rin stopped, then gasped. “Is that Sebastian? Oh, God...there’s blood running onto the steps!”

 “Go back inside and get help! Hurry, Mey-Rin!”

 Footsteps running through the rain. A hand on my right shoulder. 

 “Sebastian? Damn! Hold on...help’s comin’!”

 I couldn't find my voice to answer, to tell him not to let Ciel see me like this…

 More running footsteps from inside the house. Was the entire household showing up?

 Yes. They were. Including Ciel.

 “Sebastian? SEBASTIAN! No! No,no,no,no…” He dropped to the steps, gently taking my head in his hands and easing it into his lap, trying to make me more comfortable. I moaned softly, still unable to speak. My poor young master was beside himself, sobbing. “Please! Sebastian...I’m so sorry…” For what? “ You can't die...don’t leave me, Sebastian!” How I wanted to comfort him. But I could barely move and I had no voice. “I can't lose you, too…”

 “You won't lose him,” a soft female voice reassured Ciel. That voice...a vague memory that refused to fully surface through the pain that clouded my mind told me this person was trustworthy and could help. “We need to get him inside, quickly and carefully, so I can assess his injuries. Ciel, where is the best place to take him?”

 Sniffing, Ciel managed to speak through his sobs. “Take him to my rooms. I have my own private bath - that will make getting water and towels easier and faster.” 

 “Alright. Bard, you take Sebastian's shoulders, Tanaka, you get his legs...gently, now…”

 Where did I know that voice from? My pain-muddled brain just couldn't focus enough to recall…

 As careful and gentle as Bard and Tanaka were, fresh agony burned its way through me with every move. Fresh tears leaked from my eyes and I made some truly pitiful sounds of pain with nearly every jostle, no matter how small. 

 I heard the kind female voice instructing Mey-Rin to prepare the bed - pull back the comforter and top sheet, lay down plenty of clean towels. Mey-Rin, sniffling herself, hurried to comply. By the time we reached the top of the stairs, she reported back that things were ready.

 Bard and Tanaka eased me down onto the bed on the side closest to the window, where Mey-Rin had placed a basin of water, towels, bandages and the first aid kit on the nightstand. I closed my eyes again against both the pain and the shame of being seen in such a state.

 “Alright,” there was that compassionate voice again. “ I need everyone except for Tanaka, whose assistance I will be needing, to please wait outside…”

 “I'm not going anywhere.”

 ‘Oh, young master,’ I thought, ‘please...you don't want to be here for this…’

 “Ciel, Sebastian is badly injured…”

 “And that's precisely why I'm staying,” Ciel answered. “I'm not leaving his side.”

 “I would send for you if…”

 “No. I'm staying.”

 She sighed, whoever this kind woman was, before replying. “Very well, then. Everyone else, I will send for you if I need anything.”

 I listened as the others quietly left the room, Mey-Rin and Finny sniffling and Bard trying to comfort them. “He's in good hands, you two...Sebastian’ll be fine, you'll see…” The door closed with a soft click.

 “Tanaka?”

 “Yes, Lady Katrina?”

 “Please, it's just Katrina - or Kat. I'm a healer, not a noblewoman. We need to get Sebastian undressed and clean these wounds. I need your assistance in removing his clothes…” She paused. “Ciel, could you perhaps send one of the others to Sebastian's room to retrieve clean nightclothes for him to wear when we're finished treating his wounds?”

 Without answering, Ciel went to the door. The others must not have gone far - probably waiting right outside in the hall - and relayed Katrina's request. I heard the “Yes, sir!” from all three of them, followed by hastily scrambling footsteps retreating down the hallway.

 Katrina. A name to go with the vaguely familiar voice. This memory was one of the very distant faded ones, and I didn't have the energy to concentrate on retrieving it. All I knew was that her very presence was somehow comforting and her voice inspired trust and conveyed a sense of peace. And her scent, which I could just smell over all the blood I was soaked in, was also familiar - fresh herbs and honeysuckle - and strangely comforting.

 She and Tanaka began the task of carefully removing my bloody clothes. Ciel was sitting on the edge of the other side of the bed, close at hand, but out of their way. He got up when there was a soft tap on the door to get the clean nightclothes from the others, I assumed - and then came right back. I could feel his presence and tell what he was doing, even with my eyes closed. 

 I tried so hard to remain quiet as I was slowly undressed. But occasionally the pain was just too much, and a small moan or whimper would escape my lips. Katrina would apologise softly for causing me further pain. She was so gentle...I would be glad she was once she actually started treating my injuries.

 Once she got started, I truly wished that Ciel was outside with the others. Every touch to my wounds, no matter how light, caused renewed agony. Katrina was getting more concerned the further she got.

 “He's lost so much blood,” she said quietly, “because these wounds aren't closing up like they should be. His bleeding has almost stopped, but unless we can find a way to close these…” she stopped.

 “What are you saying?” Ciel asked, a hint of desperation in his voice.

 “I believe an enchanted weapon of some kind was used to inflict these injuries,” Katrina reasoned. “It will take more than conventional healing methods to treat them. Otherwise…” she hesitated.

 “Otherwise what?” Ciel was sniffling again, suspecting what Katrina was hinting at.

 “It is possible he could die from these,” she answered, deep sadness in her own voice. “After I've looked for him, searched for so long…” she whispered, brushing a strand of hair from my face with her fingertips.

 Ciel began to cry again. “No! Please, he can't...Sebastian…”

 “There is something I could attempt,” Katrina said. “It has its risks, and it would require your assistance…”

 “Anything! Please...whatever it takes! He's...Sebastian is... **_family_ ** ...I can't lose any more family...please…”

 Family? Had my young master just called  **_me_ ** , a  **_Fallen_ ** ,  **_family_ ** ?

 “Alright...alright, Ciel. I'll need a little time to prepare...then I'll explain what I'm going to do. I'm going to the bath to wash up and have a moment alone to clear my mind of distracting thoughts. Sit here with Sebastian. Tanaka will be here, too. I'll return shortly.”

 I could feel where Ciel was sitting on the bed next to me. He was still crying softly. Tanaka moved to stand next to him.

 “Young master? I know how worried you are. We're all worried. But Sebastian is tough, you know that. And I think the decision to trust Katrina to care for him is a wise one.”

 How desperately I wanted to give Ciel some sign that I was going to be alright, if only to give him some comfort. Fighting to stay awake, I forced myself to open my eyes.

 I had been completely stripped of my bloody, probably ruined clothes. There was a towel covering me from my hips to about mid-thigh, thank goodness. At least only Ciel and Tanaka were present to see me in such a humiliating state - naked and the full extent of my injuries showing.

 Noticing that I had opened my eyes, Tanaka touched Ciel's shoulder, getting his attention and then gesturing with a nod of his head in my direction. Ciel looked over at me.

 “Sebastian? Sebastian! You're awake!” He reached over and with a butterfly-gentle touch, took my right hand in his. He had removed his eye-patch, probably due to his weeping. His eyes were still scarlet, but the Seal showed in his right eye nonetheless. I could still, even in my weakened state, feel the bond between us; sense its strength. My vision blurred slightly from the tears I could feel welling up in my eyes. I opened my mouth to try to speak...only to find I still had no voice. All I could do was form the words with my lips…

 ‘I'm sorry…’

 “ Don't...don’t try to speak, Sebastian. Save your strength…” Ciel was sobbing again.

 “Please...don’t cry…” The whisper, dry and raspy, barely escaped my lips. The struggle to stay awake intensified, and I was beginning to have difficulty breathing. It was then that Katrina returned. Blinking the moisture from my eyes, I tried to focus on getting a look at my caretaker.

 Once again, familiarity that refused to directly connect with my memories. And a bit of embarrassment at being in my current position in the presence of someone like her, healer or no.

 Ethereal, nearly inhuman beauty. Lithe and willowy in figure with skin like the finest porcelain and waist length hair that was practically silver, which hung in waves over her shoulders. Her eyes were the deep blue-gray of the ocean during a storm, and they were filled with such kindness, such compassion. Love and grace incarnate; the personification of comfort and healing.

 “Awake now, are we?” she said softly as she approached. I swallowed, preparing to ask her what she intended to do, but she anticipated this. “Don't speak,” she told me. “I'll explain things.” Looking at Ciel, she continued. “I needed a few moments alone to go over the process in my mind - mentally prepare for it. If you decide it's too much of a risk…”

 “I don't care about the risk,” Ciel interrupted. “All I care about is saving Sebastian.”

 My breathing was becoming more shallow - more laboured. Still, I attempted to protest. I didn't want Ciel trying to save my life at the expense of his own - I could never forgive myself if he died for my sake…

 Seeing me becoming distressed, Katrina continued. “The risks aren't life threatening to Ciel. It's more like, well, there could be some unforseen side-effects. But it may, if successful, help with the curse.”

 “I'm listening,” Ciel responded. 

 “My intention is to take the energy put into the curse, siphon it from you so-to-speak, and convert it into healing energy. I could attempt to heal Sebastian without the extra energy, but to be honest, that may not be enough, thanks to the wounds being inflicted with a heavily enchanted weapon.”

 “And the side-effects?” Ciel asked.

 “I won't know for sure until it's completed,” Katrina said. “However, I doubt it will be anything harmful. The only real worry I have is how Sebastian will tolerate it.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “The curse is affecting your soul's energy. When I pull it away, the residual ‘taste’ of that energy will still be present - it will probably give Sebastian some fairly intense Hunger pains, awaken his craving for that energy. It won't be pleasant, but the energy will aid me in healing him, keep him from dying.”

 During the course of her explanation, my eyesight had dimmed, and my breathing had worsened. As worried as I was about how this would affect my young master, I found myself desperately clinging to consciousness, awaiting his decision.

 “What are we waiting for, then?” Ciel said, no hesitation. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

 “ Just stay where you are, and keep holding Sebastian's hand,” Katrina replied. “Now, extend your other hand toward me so I can hold it, like so,” she instructed. “And I'll take Sebastian's other hand, completing the circle. Tanaka, just be ready in case Ciel feels faint once I start.”

 Katrina...she couldn't possibly be human and attempting such a thing. I had never heard of anyone who wasn't human who had managed a feat such as this. If only those pesky memories would just come to me! But I was slipping away more quickly now, my own energy being consumed by my body's attempt to heal itself of wounds that couldn't be healed without aid…

 My breathing began to falter as Katrina began softly chanting in a language that sounded similar to Latin. Ciel tightened his grip on my hand, as if by holding on to my physical form he could keep me here. “Hold on, Sebastian. Please, don't give up...don’t go…”

 Suddenly, Ciel gasped and clutched my hand even harder. Katrina didn't stop her soft, even chanting. My breath was coming in short, shallow gasps now, and I felt my eyes slowly closing and tears leak from the outer corners as darkness closed in. I took what I was sure would be my last, stuttering breath...and then…

 Energy. I was wrapped in a warm blanket of pure, untainted love and comfort that eased away the pain and made me feel safe and cared for. I felt myself drag in a deep ragged breath as that energy infused my whole being with a sense of peace that I hadn't felt in a  **_very_ ** long time.

 Ciel was still clinging to my hand, still talking to me, begging me to hold on, not to leave him alone...it was then that I felt it. His energy, woven into the other. Faint, but present. The pure, clean energy of Ciel's soul, with its combination of love and justified vengeance; compassion and righteous anger...the most intoxicating, contradictory combination…

 The sense of peace I had been enveloped in evaporated like dew in the morning sun. A new pain took the place of the old - not the excruciating pain of my physical injuries, but a deep, internal ache that spiked sharply through my senses, causing my abdomen to clench and a hollow feeling to settle there. I couldn't tell which was worse, the loss of that peacefulness or the awakening of my Hunger. I tried to concentrate on Katrina's voice - her calmly chanted incantation weaving its way in and out of my consciousness - to counteract the discomfort and control the Hunger.

 The Hunger. The true curse of being a Fallen. Our punishment for rebelling against Heaven is separation from the loving presence of the Creator, which, over a period of time resulted in a craving for something -  **_anything_ ** \- to fill that void. Hence the development of the Contract, and our subsequent adaptation to feeding on the energy from those souls…

 So long ago...and yet...a memory finally surfaced. 

 I was soaring, high above the ground, my shadow rippling over the occasional light cloud. The wind on my skin, in my long black hair, was like a gentle caress, tugging slightly at my clothes and catching under my raven-feathered wings to lift me even higher. Laughing with sheer joy and exhilaration, I tucked my wings and did a complete corkscrew through the air, ground and sky momentarily changing places. 

 “Show off!” came a teasing female voice from somewhere slightly behind me. I levelled off, gliding effortlessly on a soft wind current.

 “But it's so much fun!” I replied, looking back over my shoulder…

 Katrina.

 With a gasp, I opened my eyes. The chanting had stopped. Ciel was still holding my right hand and Katrina my left. Turning my head slightly to the right I looked up at Ciel…

 His left eye was once again its brilliant sapphire blue, and his right one back to its unique shade of amethyst with our Contract Seal in the iris. I could feel the bond, sense the link between us. And right now, due to my still weakened state, I could feel the Hunger as well, lingering beneath a flood of other feelings I was having a difficult time sorting. However, the strongest was relief at seeing my young master free of the curse.

 And I had  **_her_ ** to thank for that.

 I knew now, what she was. But not why one of her kind would be looking for and willing to help one such as I. That particular mystery would have to wait until I was in better condition to investigate. Right now, though, I had a thoroughly distraught thirteen-year-old to deal with. 

 Ciel had apparently been eagerly anticipating any sign that I was going to come around and be alright. As soon as I opened my eyes and made eye contact with him, he burst into tears. Completely taken aback by this uncharacteristic display of emotion, it took me a moment to react. Squeezing his hand where he was still holding onto mine, I managed to speak. “Why are you crying so hard, young master?” I was still a bit hoarse, but understandable.

 “I...I nearly  **_lost_ ** you...after...after I was so... **_mean_ ** to you!” he stammered between sobs. “What I did...it was cruel...and I... **_knew_ ** it hurt your feelings. But I was...angry and I lashed out...at you...and I shouldn't have. It was...an  **_accident_ ** ...but I held  **_you_ ** accountable, and it wasn't fair, and I'm sorry! If...if I hadn't done  **_that_ ** , you...wouldn’t have felt like you had to attempt  **_this_ ** to fix it...and you got hurt and almost died and it's all my fault…” He pulled his hand away from mine, and covering his face with both hands, sat there and cried harder than I had ever seen him cry, even in his memories.

 Stunned by his line of reasoning, his taking the responsibility for my condition, I was rendered momentarily speechless. Katrina, probably sensing that I needed a few moments to process Ciel's self-deprecating rant, stepped in to help.

 “Ciel? Why don't we help Sebastian sit up and put his nightclothes on. Then the two of you can talk.” Her soft, compassionate tone brought Ciel around a bit. He lowered his hands from his face and still sniffing, retrieved my nightclothes from where he had deposited them at the foot of the bed. Katrina took a clean towel, dampened it in the basin on the nightstand, and tenderly wiped the last traces of blood from my injuries - or rather, from where they used to be.

 I was still sore and achy, but all of my wounds were gone, without even a scar to indicate where they'd been. I could tell, though. The locations were still tender, and would require me to be rather careful moving about for the time being, and probably for some time to come.

 Helping me to sit up, then putting an extra pillow behind my back, Katrina gathered up some of the bloody towels and said, “I'll take these to the laundry while Ciel and Tanaka help get you dressed and settled comfortably. Besides, the others are likely waiting for word that you're still with us. I'll be back shortly.” As she left the room and closed the door, I could hear the others bombarding her with questions about my condition, wanting to know if I was going to be alright…

 What had I done to deserve all this concern and affection from them? Human behaviour still confuses me sometimes…

 Tanaka came over to the side of the bed I was on and gently helped me swing my legs over the edge of the bed so as to be able to aid me in getting dressed. Still feeling weak and shaky, I allowed him to help, expressing my embarrassment at having to rely on him for this.

 “You have nothing to be ashamed of,” Tanaka said, “or to apologise for. I believe the young master said you were ‘family’, and family look after and take care of each other. Am I right, young master?”

 “Quite so,” Ciel said softly from where he was still sitting on the bed behind me. He was still sniffling a bit. “Sebastian?”

 “Yes, my lord?”

 “How...what happened to give you these?” I felt his fingers brush gently along a line just to the inside of my right shoulderblade…

 Damn! I flinched slightly at the touch, as tender as it was. I shut my eyes for a moment against the unwelcome memory of  **_that_ ** day... **_that_ ** pain. I had buried it, blocked it out for so long. And now...the pain of my injuries combined with Katrina's presence…

 At that moment there was a tap on the door. “May I come back in?” Katrina asked.

 “Yes,” Ciel answered. As she entered, he quietly asked me again, “How did you get these scars, Sebastian?”

 I shuddered under his kind, gentle touch. Katrina walked over to stand in front of me. Opening my eyes I looked up at her.

 There were tears in her eyes.

 “Perhaps that can wait, Ciel, since Sebastian needs rest to completely recover. Here, why don't you hand me his shirt, so I can help him with it.”

 “Alright,” came Ciel's soft reply. “I already unbuttoned it…”

 “Thank you,” Katrina told him as she took the shirt and Tanaka stepped aside to allow her to help me into the shirt and get it buttoned. Now fully dressed in clean pajamas, I felt much less exposed and vulnerable. Katrina helped me to get my legs back up on the bed (after removing the rest of the towels), and after I got settled with my back against the pillows, she tugged the covers up to my waist. “Comfortable?” she asked.

 “Yes,” I replied, followed by a very pointed “thank you…” For saving me from having to answer Ciel's question being the unspoken but understood reason for the ‘thank you.’

 As far as being comfortable went, that depends on one's definition. Yes, the pain was almost non-existent now; Katrina's healing ability had exceeded anything I would have expected considering the condition I had been in. I was still very sore and tired, but it was nothing I couldn't handle and certainly not worth complaining about. My pajamas were fine, black Chinese silk with red piping around the cuffs and red ‘frog’ buttons - a Christmas gift from Lau, from his homeland. And the bed was soft, the blankets warm...physically, yes, I would say I was comfortable. Mentally and...emotionally...that was a whole different story. Partly because it was obvious that Ciel was still distressed. Sitting cross-legged on the bed next to me, he looked as if the least little thing would make him cry again. I wanted to comfort him, but how?

 Reaching out, I gently cupped his face with my right hand, wiping away the single tear that he shed with my thumb. “You must not blame yourself, young master,” I said softly. “It was my foolish choice to attempt to rectify things on my own. I was so determined to fix things - to atone for my mistake - that I underestimated them and what they might be capable of. It was a risk I should not have taken. Arrogance on my part to think I could handle it without help. I am sorry to have caused you such distress, young master.”

 “I ordered you away…” he whispered, more tears sliding down his face.

 “And I forgave you the moment you said it,” I whispered back. “Can you forgive me - for allowing the incident to happen in the first place and then for what I did after?”

 “Already done,” Ciel replied.

 He forgave me. I felt a tightness in my chest and moisture gathering in my eyes. I swallowed and then asked, “Could you do me one favour, young master?”

 “Anything,” Ciel answered, “to make up for my juvenile behaviour.”

 “Please,” I barely managed to whisper, tears threatening to spill from my eyes, “never order me away again…”

 Shaking his head, Ciel answered, “Never...never again...I  promise.”

 For the first time since summoning me almost three years ago, Ciel hugged me. He leaned into me, putting his head on my right shoulder and his arm around my waist. Cradling him with my right arm around his back, I gently stroked his hair with my right hand, resting my chin on the top of his head. I put my left hand comfortingly on his arm as he began to cry softly. I found myself shedding a few tears as well.

 What can I say? It had been a long, rough couple of days for both of us. We've been through a great deal together, Ciel and I, but this...this was a true test of the strength of our bond, and it wasn't over yet. Katrina turned to Tanaka. 

 “Would you mind taking the rest of these towels to the laundry? When Ciel is ready I need to do an assessment to determine if there were any side effects and if so, to ascertain what they are.”

 “Certainly,” replied Tanaka. “ Young master, shall I also begin dinner preparations?”

 “Yes,” Ciel answered, his voice slightly muffled from where he had his face turned into me. “Could you bring it up here? Something for Sebastian, too.”

 “Consider it done,” Tanaka replied, inclining his head slightly. Taking the rest of the towels from Katrina, he exited the room. We could hear him giving instructions to the others out in the hallway, followed by quiet as they left to take care of things.

 Katrina carefully sat on the edge of the bed next to me. She placed her left hand on top of mine where it rested on Ciel's arm. Tracing the outer circle of the Seal with her thumb, she asked, “How are you feeling?”

 I took a moment to consider that before answering. “Tired, sore, hungry and confused, to be perfectly honest,” I replied.

 “I expected as much,” Katrina said. “When you say ‘hungry,’ are you referring to... **_the_ ** Hunger?” I swallowed anxiously, then nodded. She sighed. “I thought that might happen. I'm so sorry for having to cause you that particular discomfort.”

 “I'll gladly take that over dying, thank you,” I assured her. “I'm more concerned about any side effects my young master here may experience.”

 “Let's see about that, shall we, Ciel?” Ciel raised his head slightly. “It won't hurt. I promise.” My young master tightened his hold on me briefly before sitting up. I was still trying to deal with my surprise over the hug. Ciel wasn't usually openly affectionate. My nearly dying probably had something to do with it, but I was deeply moved by him showing this little seen side of himself to me.

 What do I need to do?” Ciel asked softly.

 “Just sit very still and try to relax. Close your eyes if it will help. Deep, slow breaths…” Reaching across me, Katrina gently took Ciel's face between her hands. “Let's see how well this worked…” Closing her eyes, Katrina matched her breathing to Ciel's. Her hands took on a soft, soothing bluish glow, very like the colour of Ciel's aura as I had seen it before. After a few moments, it faded, and Katrina lowered her hands, opening her eyes. Ciel, too, opened his eyes, looking back at her.

 “Well, he asked, “do I have anything to worry about?”

 “No, not exactly,” Katrina answered. “There are no harmful effects. Just some unexpected ones.” She looked thoughtful - and a bit concerned. “I managed to completely rid you of the part of the curse that would have made you dependent upon soul energy, like a true Fallen. But there was no way to purge it completely. The lasting effects on Ciel,” she said, turning to me, “will actually be helpful to some extent.”

 “Such as?” I asked, anxiety settling in the pit of my stomach.

 “Resistance to being cursed, for one. You won't have to worry about this ever happening again. Some resistance to diseases and toxins as well. If injured, Ciel, you'll heal a bit faster than a normal human. Your senses will be a little sharper - sight, smell, hearing. And you may have a slightly longer than normal lifespan for a human. The only other side effect left, well, it will affect Sebastian, too.” She looked worried now. “I couldn't help but notice that your Contract is still in effect,” Katrina said softly, “so that obviously wasn't affected, which makes this a bit difficult.”

 “What is it?” asked Ciel.

 I knew. Katrina's hesitance to finish her explanation was all the answer I needed.

 “Enough of the curse’s effects remain to make your soul untouchable,” she said quietly. “When you die, you'll move on to be with your family. But no demon - Fallen or otherwise - can feed off of it.”

 “Not even Sebastian? But...we have a  **_Contract_ ** ,” Ciel reasoned. “He's  **_bound_ ** to me.”

 Katrina shook her head. “That doesn't matter,” she said gently, seeing that Ciel was getting upset.

 “But...that’s not fair! I  **_owe_ ** him for his help! I summoned him by accident - trapped him here - and now he's  **_stuck_ ** in a Contract with me and I  **_can't_ ** repay him?” Ciel was genuinely upset by this, while I had just gone numb. 

 There weren't words to describe how I was feeling. I had just had my Hunger awakened with the tantalising taste of a soul's energy that was now forever beyond my reach. I didn't know what to say or how to react. Especially to Ciel's concern for me and how unfair he thought it was.

**_He_ ** thought it was unfair that I couldn't feed off of  **_his_ ** soul.  **_That_ ** was his concern. Repaying his debt. And if it wasn't hard enough for me to wrap my mind around  **_that_ ** , there was the rush of conflicting emotions running through me that I was finding extremely difficult to process. However, I shoved all of that aside in order to try to comfort Ciel.

 “Young master,” I said softly, reaching out to gently rub his shoulder, “it can't be helped now.” He looked over at me, the hurt, sadness and anger showing in his eyes. “Please, don't let it trouble you right now. I am grateful for Katrina's help, glad to still be alive. We can worry about this later. I need...time...my lord. Time to finish healing and to sort through my own thoughts and feelings…”

 Ciel swallowed, tears threatening to start again. “I'm sorry, Sebastian,” he whispered.

 “It's alright. We'll figure out how to deal with this together,” I reassured him. I only wished I could be as reassuring to myself. For the first time in ages, I felt lost and confused - unsure of things. Unsure of  **_myself_ ** .

 Apparently Ciel wasn't the only one capable of experiencing completely contradictory emotions. Only I must say, humans seem to deal with it more often and be more accustomed to it than us. At least I was spared having to think about it right away by Tanaka’s arrival with dinner. 

 “I thought some simple comfort food was in order after everything that has transpired today,” he announced as he rolled the small serving cart into the room. The amazingly complex aromas of curry and chai reached us from across the room.

 Simple comfort food. I couldn't help but smile. Leave it to Tanaka to get the other three to cooperate long enough to make curry. And not just any curry. They'd managed to make  **_my_ ** special ‘curry bread’ curry. Impressive. 

 Tanaka brought the cart over to the side of the bed that I was on. Katrina stood to get out of his way. Reaching down to the cart’s bottom shelf, Tanaka retrieved a tray - the kind with ‘feet’ for serving someone breakfast in bed (or dinner in this case) - which he placed across my lap. Then he proceeded to place both mine and Ciel's dinner and tea on the tray.

 “ I assume this will suffice, young master?” Tanaka addressed Ciel.

 “Yes. It'll do quite nicely. Thank you, Tanaka,” Ciel responded. Unused to such attention, having been the one to administer it to my young master for the past three years, I didn't really know what to say. I quietly thanked Tanaka for his kindness. He simply inclined his head in acknowledgement before turning to Katrina. He had prepared her a plate as well.

 “Do you wish to stay and keep the young master and Sebastian company?” Tanaka asked.

 “If they don't object,” Katrina replied, looking over at Ciel and me.

 “No objection from me,” Ciel said. “Sebastian?”

 “None from me, either,” I responded, “as long as you don't object to sharing this tray with us - it might be a bit awkward…”

 “I don't mind at all,” she said moving to sit back down on the edge of the bed next to me. There was barely enough room on the tray for her plate and Tanaka had to place her cup of chai on the nightstand. “It'll just be a bit...cozy,” she said with a teasing smile.

 Why was Katrina's smile so contagious? Her manner and personality so familiar and capable of putting me at ease? I could feel the shadows of the memories trying to materialise. Why had I so thoroughly blocked them? Were they that painful? There was my damned curiosity again. Maybe that's part of the reason I loved cats...something in common.

 After we all got settled and began to eat, Katrina asked gently, “So what happened?”

 “I already explained things up until you left this morning,” Ciel said. “That should save you the trouble of having to backtrack too far.”

 I nodded, thinking about how to begin to explain. Making up my mind on a suitable starting point, I began recounting what happened.

 “After you went to sleep last night, young master, I stayed awake - doing as much research as possible in the library. Everything I found led to the same conclusion: the original spell-caster is the only one who can reverse this type of curse. So I decided to pick up their trail at the last place we encountered them to see if I could discover any clues as to where they'd gone. To memorise their scents so as to be able to track them down and make that other Fallen reverse what he'd done to you…” I paused, trying not to let what happened next shake me up. “However, they had also returned - or perhaps they never left at all. I suspect it was a carefully laid trap, my lord.”

 “To get **_you_ ** alone? But why?” I had to swallow hard before answering, lest my voice tremble. 

 “To bait you,” I managed to say. “To goad you into taking reckless action against them and thus possibly make a mistake and put yourself in danger without me there to protect you.”

 “What about the weapon they used? Obviously it was something beyond the ordinary to have hurt you so badly,” Katrina inquired.

 I took a sip of my tea to try to calm my nerves, but my hand still shook ever so slightly as I set the cup down. “It was a dagger the likes of which I've never seen before.”

 “What did it look like?” Ciel asked.

 As I described the blade, Katrina's expression darkened. Her brow furrowed with concern, she waited until I finished my description before asking her next question. “Did they happen to say if the blade had a name?”

 I nodded. “The leader called it ‘The Demon's Tears’ if I recall correctly.”

 Katrina shook her head. “It's not one I've ever heard of before. I will contact someone who might know something and let you know what comes of it.”

 “Thank you,” I said. “There's also the letter in the breast pocket of my coat. It was meant for my young master, assuming that I succumbed to my injuries. However, I think we can agree that putting three minds to work on it may give us an advantage…” I looked to Ciel for a response.

 “I agree,” he stated.

 “I believe Tanaka took your clothes to the laundry along with the last of the towels,” Katrina said, looking around the room. “We can ask him to retrieve it when he comes back to collect the dishes.”

 Ciel finished his cup of tea, set the cup down, and yawned. “Perhaps actually reading it and trying to make sense of things can wait until tomorrow? I'm starting to feel rather sleepy…”

 “Both of you must be exhausted,” Katrina said. “It might not be a bad idea to turn in early and leave the letter for tomorrow after you've both gotten a decent night's rest.”

 Stifling a yawn myself, I was inclined to agree with my young master and Katrina. “Why don't we ring for Tanaka to collect the dishes…”

 Ciel was already reaching for the bell cord. “And after he takes care of that, he can assist me in bathing and preparing for bed.”

 “In that case, perhaps Bard can assist me in heading back to my own quarters for the ni…”

 “You're not going anywhere.”

 “Young master?”

 Ciel fixed that stubborn, I've-made-up-my-mind-and-that’s-that look on me. “Do I need to repeat myself? Make that an order?”

 “But, my lord...it would hardly be appropriate for me - your butler - to sleep here…”

 Crossing his arms and raising his left eyebrow, he said, “I hardly care about what's considered ‘appropriate’ right now. You're staying here with me tonight.”

 We sat there for a moment, Ciel and I, silently staring at one another. Me, in a bit of shock, and Ciel with an ‘I dare you to challenge me’ look in his eyes. Finally, I sighed in resignation. “As you wish, young master.”

 Tanaka arrived then, to collect the dishes. Ciel instructed him to return as soon as the kitchen clean-up was complete. “Sebastian still needs recovery time, so I'll require your assistance to prepare for bed,” he explained. 

 “Certainly, my lord. I will return as soon as possible,” Tanaka answered.

 “Very good,” Ciel said. Tanaka left with the serving cart loaded with all the dinner things and quietly shut the door. Ciel looked over at Katrina. “Thank you for all you've done,” he said softly. “There's a very comfortable guest room just down the hall. I'll see to it that it's ready for you, if that will be satisfactory.”

 “Thank you, Ciel. That will do just fine. I appreciate your hospitality and your kindness in seeing me this afternoon and listening to me.”

 “It was the least I could do for an old friend of Sebastian's,” Ciel replied. He looked at me then. “Katrina has been looking for you for some time it seems. I am inclined to believe her arrival couldn't have had better timing, wouldn't you agree, Sebastian?”

 “Yes. Fortuitous, indeed.” I responded. 

 “Your healing skills are extraordinary,” Ciel told Katrina. “Is it a natural ability, or did you have to study to gain them?”

 “A bit of both, actually,” she answered.

 “Well, I'm glad you were here. I don't want to even think about what might have happened...if you hadn't been…” Ciel's voice quivered slightly, and I could see tears gathering in his eyes again.

 “Young master,” I said, touching his shoulder, “it's alright. I'm still here. Ciel sniffed and looked at me.

 “I will never take your presence for granted, ever again,” he said softly. “I got so used to how invulnerable you seemed, and how you were always here when I needed you, that it never occurred to me the possibility of losing you existed. I rely on you, trust you, and depend on you for so much. It truly frightened me, that it was possible for you to die. Your presence is needed, wanted, and very much appreciated, Sebastian. I don't know what I would do without you…”

 I gave Ciel's shoulder a gentle squeeze, trying to comfort him with my touch while I tried to come up with something to say in response. My young master was usually so reserved - bordering on aloof sometimes - and proud, not prone to expressing any emotions that could be perceived as vulnerability. Apparently what had happened to me had thoroughly shaken him. I was having difficulty comprehending how deeply it had affected him and why. Had he truly come to  **_care_ ** about me? So much so that it upset him this badly? Why? And why was it affecting me so deeply as well? Reaching up to brush a tear from Ciel's face, I tried to put at least some of my feelings into words. 

 “All this, after you  **_accidentally_ ** summoned me,” I teased gently. “Who would have guessed, then, that this is where we'd be now, three years later. I must admit to some confusion as to why my presence has come to mean so much to you, my lord, and to why it means so much to me that you feel that way. This has never happened with any of my previous Contracts.” I paused before continuing, trying to put my thoughts in order. “That, combined with...well...with what happened today, and the side effects…” I felt my throat constrict slightly and my eyes blur with unshed tears which I fought by blinking several times. “It's like I said earlier. I just need time to sort things. These thoughts and feelings are...confusing…”

 “I think I understand,” Ciel said softly. “I was taken off guard by how it affected me, too, to be honest. I guess I thought that after all I'd been through nothing could get to me that way again. But it did, and I realised that...I would really miss you if you...if you weren't here anymore.”

 Once again I was saved from attempting an awkward response by Tanaka’s timely arrival. Ciel answered his discreet tap on the door, telling him to come in. Tanaka was carrying a stack of fresh, clean towels for Ciel's bath. “I suppose you and Katrina can talk now - get caught up,” Ciel said to me. “Since you apparently haven't seen one another in a while.” I think he would have been a bit shocked at just how much of an understatement ‘a while’ was.

 After Ciel and Tanaka left the room, Katrina reached over and gently took my left hand in both of hers, examining the Seal and tracing it with her thumbs. It suddenly occurred to me that this was possibly the first time she had seen one up close. She confirmed my suspicions when she spoke.

 “I knew they were all different - that each of you was branded with a unique mark,” she said quietly. “I've often wondered what yours looked like. Morbid curiosity, I know…”

 “Not really,” I reassured her. She looked up at me. I could feel them again, the memories, trying to push their way through the fogginess that obscured them.

 “You haven't told him.”

 “Ciel? Told him what?”

 “He asked about your scars. You haven't told him what happened - how you became one of the Fallen - have you?” She paused, her eyes searching mine as if she could read something in them. “ How much do you remember? And how much have you blocked out?” The questions were asked gently, with so much concern. I swallowed and carefully considered my words before answering.

 “Things from that far back are...hazy. I suppose that living the way Fallen do - surviving from Contract to Contract - makes us less prone to looking back and dwelling on the past. Between that, the length of time that has passed, and a certain amount of unwillingness to re-live painful memories, well…” I shrugged. 

 “I understand,” Katrina responded. “The real question here is, do you  **_want_ ** to remember?”

 Did I  **_want_ ** to remember... **_really_ ** remember everything. Not just shadows and foggy dream-like images, but actual memories. No more ‘through the looking glass,’ but the real thing. Katrina's presence had started it already, gotten my damned curiosity going. I sighed. With what was going on with the cult leader and this other Fallen, I had to consider that anything in my past that might be helpful in dealing with them would be worth recalling.

 And there was also Katrina. I found myself wanting to remember our connection to each other; needing to know why she had wanted to find me.

 I looked at Katrina, sitting there patiently awaiting my answer. I knew the apprehension I was feeling was showing in my eyes. “I believe it may be necessary for me to, considering the situation…” Katrina gave me a slightly sad smile and squeezed my hand.

 “I thought you'd say so. Your care and concern for your ‘young master’ run very deep.”

 I shifted uncomfortably, her astute observation making me anxious. Those were feelings I had been suppressing and trying to understand myself for some time now. I was actually hoping that fully recalling my past might help clarify some things.

 “What can you do to help?” I asked softly. 

 “All I can do is clear away the ‘fog’ obscuring the memories. Then they will come back into focus,” she explained, reaching up and touching my face, gently tucking my hair behind my ear. Even that action evoked feelings of familiarity and a closeness I couldn't deny. “They may not come back all at once, but when they're ready, or when they're needed. Or in dreams, even.”

 ‘Or nightmares,’ I thought, suppressing a shiver, ‘depending on the memory.’ I didn't voice that particular concern aloud. I forced myself to take a deep breath. “Go ahead, then,” I whispered. “Do whatever needs to be done.”

 “You're certain?” Katrina asked softly. I nodded. “Alright, then. Close your eyes, breathe easy…” I did as she instructed, trying to relax. She squeezed my hand reassuringly and then, just like she did with Ciel, she took my face gently between her hands, except she tenderly caressed my cheekbones with her thumbs as she did so. The sensation was strangely familiar and soothing…

 A warm, peaceful feeling, very much akin to what I felt when she healed me, spread through both my mind and my body. I was once again enveloped in a cocoon of tranquillity and compassion. For someone like myself, who hadn't experienced that level of peacefulness in so long, it was both wonderful and disconcerting at the same time. And nearly as soon as I began to get used to the feeling, it slowly faded away, leaving behind an unexpected yearning to feel...loved? I opened my eyes as Katrina lowered her hands from my face. She was watching me with concern.

 “How do you feel?”

 “I'm not sure yet...peaceful, but not entirely at ease, as if I'm waiting for something. Does that make any sense?”

 Katrina nodded. “Yes, it does. Once your subconscious catches up - puts things in order so-to-speak - you'll feel more clear-headed, and your memories will flow freely again; no more fogginess and shadows. Does that frighten you?” She had taken my left hand in hers again, as if she was worried about me.

 “I would be lying if I denied a certain amount of...anxiety,” I replied. “But I have Ciel close at hand tonight...insisting that I stay here. And you'll be right down the hall. I think I'll be fine.” What did frighten me was that it sounded as if I was trying to reassure myself that I would be alright, more so than convincing her. Perhaps I was just tired…

 Ciel and Tanaka returned then, Ciel in a clean, white nightshirt. His hair was still slightly damp and I caught the faint scent of the sandalwood soap he liked so much as he came over and sat on the other side of the bed.

 “I explained to Tanaka that you were staying here for the night,” Ciel said to me, “and about the letter in your coat pocket. He'll retrieve it for us to examine tomorrow. Also,” he said, turning to Katrina, “the guest room down the hall should be ready for you. Just ring for Mey-Rin if you need anything.”

 “Thank you again for your gracious hospitality,” Katrina responded. 

 “It is I who owe you thanks,” Ciel told Katrina, “ for saving Sebastian's life and ridding me of the worst of the curse. I am in your debt…”

 “It was the least I could do,” she answered softly, giving my hand a final squeeze as she stood to leave, “considering what he did - what he sacrificed - for me.”

 “You must have been very good friends,” Ciel said. “That makes me even more glad you were here.”

 “Me, too,” Katrina said. Her last cryptic remark had left me speechless for the moment. Something stirred in my mind, like a puzzle piece finally falling into place, or finding the right key to unlock a door. She felt she owed me for something. That was at least part of the reason she came looking for me…

 The four of us bid each other good night and Tanaka closed the door behind himself and Katrina as they left. Ciel heaved an exhausted sigh as he slid his legs underneath the covers on his side of the bed. “I don't know about you,” he said, “but I am beyond tired.” Yawning, he extinguished the lamp on the nightstand next to him, which left the one next to me as the only light in the room besides the fireplace.

 I reached over and gently tugged the blankets up over Ciel's shoulder as he laid down on his left side, facing me. After seeing to it that he was settled comfortably, I removed the extra pillow that I had been reclined on, placing it on the floor next to the bed on my side. Then I extinguished the lamp and turning to settle on my right side, laid down facing Ciel.

 The storm had blown itself out, and the nearly full moon had broken through the clouds. By the time I had gotten comfortable, my young master's breathing had reached the slow, steady rhythm of peaceful sleep. Seeing him resting easy, his face the picture of innocent repose, helped put my mind at ease somewhat. I could feel my own eyelids growing heavy with weariness as I lay there, watching Ciel sleep in the soft radiance of the moon.

 “May your dreams be untroubled, young master,” I whispered, as, unable to remain awake any longer, I too drifted off to sleep.

****


	3. Chapter 3 - His Butler, Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian faces a new challenge. Not a physical obstacle to be overcome, but one of the heart and mind. Also, he and Ciel get a clue as to the identity of the people behind the Phantomhive tragedy...

Redemption: A Black Butler Story            Chapter 3 - His Butler,Remembering

 

 I have to wonder why it is that the most traumatic, painful memories seem to be the ones that make the deepest impact, and why those are the ones that come back first. It hardly seems fair, but as I am certain my young master would be quick to tell me,  **_life_ ** isn't fair.

 Of all the things that could have come back to me first, it had to be  **_that day._ ** Perhaps because it was fresh on my mind since Ciel had asked about the scars. Or perhaps because of Katrina's cryptic reference to my ‘sacrifice’ of something. But whatever the reason, my start down Memory Lane was a far from pleasant experience.

 

                 *       *       *       *      *       *

 

 The war was over. That much was certain. We had been systematically rounded up and locked in cells to await judgement. 

 I held no illusions about getting out of this situation unscathed. Despite the fact that it was largely due to my aid that the war had ended sooner rather than later and with fewer casualties on both sides - and less damage to Creation. I knew when I began down this path that coming back may not be an option. Even knowing that, I was woefully unprepared to deal with what was coming.

 Footsteps approached my cell door, followed by a key turning in the lock. The door opened slowly. Heart pounding, I waited to see who it was.

 “Danyael! What...what are you doing here?” My voice was an urgent whisper, and my knees shook as I stood to face him. He looked concerned.

 “I have news...and...there will be new orders for you, Sebastian,” Danyael answered softly.

 “New orders? But...it’s  **_over_ ** . How can I have any further orders?” My confusion was obvious.

 “Simeon fears there is a risk of resistance. That a group may reorganise and try again at a later date.”

 I scoffed at the idea. “He's just being paranoid,” I snapped.

 “Be that as it may, he wants you to maintain the façade. Keep bringing us information about their numbers, movements, whereabouts…”

 “That's insane. They'll scatter to the four winds. No trust exists between them, largely thanks to yours truly, so why bother?”

 “Precautionary measures. He feels it's necessary to keep an eye on things from the inside. You'll still report anything you find to me - there will be a prearranged meeting place.”

 “I don't have a choice, do I?”

 “I'm sorry, Sebastian. I wish it could be otherwise.”

 “What happens now?”

 “The Council is deciding what the punishment will be,” Danyael said.

 “I thought it was exile,” I replied. 

 “It will be. That hasn't changed. Those who rebelled cannot return.”

 “But they're adding something else.”

 “Yes.”

 “Do you know what it is?”

 Danyael shook his head, his sky blue eyes filled with sadness and worry. “No, I don't. But whatever it is, you will have to go through it as well, in order to remain our informant.”

 “You realise what's being asked of me?” I said. “How unfair it is to expect me to do this, what I will possibly be sacrificing?”

 “I do,” he responded. “I also know that you understand the necessity. That when this all started you felt that the stakes were high enough to warrant the actions taken. That to keep the peace and maintain a world worth living in for those you love and care about was worth what you would be giving up - sacrificing - for the greater good.”

 “It's not that I don't still feel that way,” I fired back. “I suppose that I still held out some hope that because I cared enough to do what I did that maybe, just maybe, I would be…” I trailed off, unable to complete the thought.

 “Allowed to go Home?” Danyael finished for me, his voice soft and full of sympathy.

 I sank back down into the cell’s only chair. Covering my face with my hands, elbows on my knees, I fought to maintain my composure. Danyael walked over to me, knelt down and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “ No matter what happens, I will  **_always_ ** be your friend, Sebastian.  **_Always.”_ **

**** “I know,” I whispered. “And I can't say that I have any regrets about my decision to do what I did. It was the right thing to do - to protect Creation, Humanity,  **_and_ ** those still in Heaven. I know that. Personal reasons aside, it had to be this way. But…” I paused, then lowered my hands and looked at Danyael. “My heart breaks for  **_her._ ** ”

 “I know,” he said, squeezing my shoulder. “I knew all along that protecting her was a large part of your reason for taking this on. That a world where  **_they_ ** held power was not a world you would want her to have to live in. I understood that from the beginning, Sebastian. And I wish with all my heart that this wasn't happening. Especially to you. But it's not within my power to…”

 “Don't,” I said, breaking him off. Don't give yourself grief over what you can't control or change. Just promise me...promise me, Danyael, that you'll look after her…”

 “I promise,” he answered. “You have my word, Sebastian.”

 “Thank you…”

 “I have to go before someone realises I came to talk to you. No matter what happens, remember that you are still my friend, and I yours.” And with one final gentle squeeze of my shoulder, he turned and left.

 Alone with nothing but my own thoughts and anxiety, I lost track of time. It could have been several minutes or several hours for all I could tell, between the time Danyael left and the piece of paper was slipped under the door. No footsteps, no warning, and no sound at all. A cold knot of fear settled in the pit of my stomach. It took me a moment to summon up enough courage to simply cross the small space to retrieve the note.

 It had  **_his_ ** seal on it. Simeon. These would be the orders Danyael had been referring to, then. Walking back to the chair, I sat and broke the seal on the letter. It was as Danyael had said. I was expected to maintain my cover as one of the ‘Fallen,’ as they'd been dubbed, even if it meant  **_literally_ ** becoming one myself, and to continue reporting to Danyael on a regular basis. But there was still no mention of what the punishment for the ‘Fallen’ would entail. It wouldn't do to have me prepared to face it and risk giving myself away via lack of appropriate response in front of the others. All I could do now was wait. With a slight flick of my wrist, I incinerated the note. It wouldn't do to get caught with that, either. 

 Another undetermined amount of time passed. Just when I had begun to think the silence would drive me mad, I heard footsteps approaching. Several sets, if I wasn't mistaken. They came to a halt outside my cell door, then the door was unlocked and opened. 

 Guards. Wings showing, swords belted around their waists, they flanked the door, two on each side. No one I knew - three men and one woman, wings ranging in colour from white to tan to spotted like a snowy owl. We were all different - unique - just like humans. Although some of us more unique - more rare - than others. Like me.

 “Step out into the corridor.” I stood, then cautiously approached the door and walked through. The male Angel who had spoken consulted a list he had unrolled. “Sebastian Michaelis,” he said, reading from the list, then looking up at me. “Wing colour…” he paused for a split second, ...black?” He raised one perfectly groomed silver eyebrow, which matched his perfectly groomed silver hair and silvery-gray wings.

 “Yes,” I answered softly.

 “Let's see them, then,” he ordered, “to confirm your identity.”

 Angels have the ability to ‘hide’ their wings in order to blend in with humans when necessary. Wing colours also vary greatly, being generally on the lighter side with some spots or barring on the tips of the flight feathers that match or compliment eye and hair colour. However, I was an extremely rare exception to the rule. My long, silky hair was jet black, and my wings matched. Not just black tips or spots, either. Solid, dark-as-onyx raven feathers, from wing tip to wing tip.

 As soon as I revealed my wings, the guard's lavender eyes widened ever so slightly. The female guard actually gave a slight gasp and the other two exchanged a silent look of surprise.

 Like I said - rare exception.

 “Identity confirmed,” the first guard stated. “Come with us.” Like I had a choice.

 As we walked, we encountered other groups like ours. So...the Fallen were being taken as a whole to a particular location for judgement to be pronounced. Unsure what to make of this, I observed in silence as we walked others being identified in the same way I was and then joining us on our way to wherever we were going.

 Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of walking, we reached a large set of wooden doors, reinforced with wrought iron and with handles made of the same. The doors swung outward on their hinges to admit us to an enormous audience chamber with a high vaulted ceiling. The windows were shuttered and all of the candles and torches were lit, making it impossible to tell what time of day it was. Not that it really mattered.

 We were essentially herded into the center of the room, facing a slightly raised dias at the end of the chamber where sat the Council at a long table. The guards who had escorted us took up positions all along the walls and we heard the doors close behind us and the bolts slide home, locking us in. I looked to see who the current Council consisted of - to see if I knew any of them.

 Simeon, of course, as he was the current Council head. Danyael, I knew, had been recently appointed, taking the place of someone who had stepped down. The rest I wasn't familiar with until my eyes reached the far left end of the table. I couldn't help but gasp in shock.

 Katrina.

 Of course the Council had to represent as many of the different ‘classes’ of Angels as possible. That included Healers. That was why she was here. I suddenly felt ill. She looked as if she'd been crying...and Danyael looked pale. Simeon stood to address everyone from his place in the center of the table. Before he began to speak, I took a quick look around the room. What I saw was completely disheartening.

 Dejection. Defeat. Resignation. An undercurrent of futile anger and suppressed rage. The absolute knowledge of being on the losing side and the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. The total depths of despair. Trembling with the realisation that whatever was in store for them, I was going to suffer as well, I turned my gaze back to Simeon at the front of the room. His voice wasn't loud, but the acoustics of the room carried it perfectly.

 “This Council has made its decision,” he calmly announced. “As all of you are aware, your primary punishment is exile. However, given the extent of the rebellion and its long-term effects on Creation, it has been decided that additional measures be taken to ensure this doesn't happen again.” The silence was deafening it was so profound. I had to remind myself to breathe. Simeon gestured to the rest of the Council and continued.

 “I have agreed to make it known that particular members of the Council have objected quite soundly to the measures being taken, disagreeing with the methods being employed. Their objections were noted, but the majority holds sway. We cannot abide what happened and an example must be made. The consequences of your actions, in addition to exile, will be as follows…”

 Danyael and Katrina were both scanning the crowd of gathered Fallen from where they sat at the table. I knew they were looking for me. Danyael had a better vantage point, being closer to the center of the table, but it was Katrina who spotted me first. Our eyes met, and my knees got weak. Tears ran unchecked down her face. It took everything I had to both stay on my feet and to resist the urge to run to her and take her in my arms…

 “First, you will be stripped of your names and Angelic status,” Simeon began. That would seriously cripple our abilities to interact with each other and influence others. It would also completely sever our ties to Heaven and the Creator’s love, which sustained us. I felt myself go numb with shock.

 “Second, you will each receive a mark - a brand - to identify you since your names will be taken. It will allow us not only to identify you, but to keep track of you.” I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What had happened to make Simeon take such extreme measures? And for him to be able to convince the Council to go along with it? Just when I thought surely that was the end of it…

 “Lastly, your wings will be taken.”

 A collective gasp rippled through the room. I looked back at Katrina. She had covered her face with both hands and was sobbing. Shifting my gaze to Danyael, I found him looking at me, his expression one of the deepest sorrow and pain. I knew before Simeon continued who the two objectors had been.

 “Let it be known for the record that the Healer, Katrina Gabrielis, and Warrior, Danyael Leonidis, objected to this course of action.” As he spoke, a door to the left of the dias, a bit behind Katrina, opened. “You will come forward when your name is called and proceed to this table,” Simeon continued, indicating the small table being brought in by two more guards. Following them came several others, carrying a brazier of hot coals, a branding iron, and lastly one armed with an extremely sharp, heavily enchanted long knife.

 Simeon was seriously going through with this. I felt myself involuntarily tuck my wings in as close to my body as possible. The entire room seemed strangely quiet, the Fallen still reeling in shock. The one standing to my right whispered, “I can't hide them…” his voice shaking with terror. Apparently he wasn't the only one who tried. Several others close to me were reacting in a similar way, desperately trying in a futile attempt to avoid the inevitable. 

 Of course the room was under some kind of enchantment to force our wings to stay revealed. Simeon was too smart to let something like that slip past him. And by removing the Fallen’s wings, he was assuring the Angels an advantage in any future conflict and insuring that the Fallen couldn't flee very far. Restricting their range of both physical movement and ability to fight back on equal footing. Harsh but effective.

 It also definitively stripped us of our identity as Angels. The effect would be as profoundly psychological as it was physical. I wouldn't understand just how deeply the loss would affect us until later…

 The first Fallen’s name was called. The chamber went silent for a moment. When he failed to step forward, Simeon gestured to two guards, who proceeded to begin searching for him. When they located him, they took him by his arms and escorted him, shaking so hard he could hardly walk, to the table, where his name was stricken from a list and his left hand was forcibly restrained on the tabletop. The Angel with the branding iron stepped forward. Waving his hand over the hot end of the iron, he chanted something. The tip flared and a symbol appeared in the heated metal. Before the Fallen could react, the iron was pressed to the back of his hand.

 His scream of pain and rage was what finally drove it home. This was really happening; we weren't trapped in some nightmare. Several Fallen dropped to their knees, too shaken to stand. Some cried, some gagged and nearly fainted at the sound and smell of burnt flesh. And this wasn't the worst of it.

 The two guards who had carried the table into the room flanked the Fallen and forced him to kneel. While one held him by the shoulders, the other grabbed his right wing, tan and brown like a hawk’s, and pulled, extending it away from his body. The one with the longknife stepped forward and placed the blade against the Fallen’s back, as close to the base of his wing as possible. 

 None of us wanted to watch. But neither could we seem to look away. This couldn't be real...couldn’t be happening…

 He screamed himself hoarse as his right wing was severed from his back. He lost consciousness half-way through the removal of the left. Two more guards came and carried him from the hall. The next name was called. 

 There was no order to the names being called. Alphabetical would have allowed us to prepare for it, being able to roughly calculate where we fell on the list. So it was completely random. Some Fallen struggled and cursed, others went almost catatonic until the process started -  **_all_ ** of them screamed, the rage and pain given final expression as their identities as Angels were forever lost...added to the growing pile of bloodied, feathered limbs that would never again grace the skies or feel the caress of the wind…

 Some of the Council members actually left the room before the half-way point was even reached, unable to face the agony inflicted upon those they had been responsible for passing judgement on. There was a part of my mind that responded with anger - how dare they  **_not_ ** stick around to watch the result of their decision! But another part of me, heartsick and despairing, couldn't blame them for choosing to go. Witnessing something like this - however briefly - would surely haunt them forever.

 I knew it would haunt me. As the number of Fallen left in the room slowly dwindled, I went from numb, to shock, to grief, to anger and back to numb. I actually closed my eyes at some point and sank to my knees in tears, overcome by the sheer magnitude of pain and despair. The room got more and more quiet as the number of people in it became less and less, which only made the screaming sound that much more pitiful, lonely and isolated. 

 “Sebastian Michaelis.”

 I had to force myself to raise my head and open my eyes. Looking up, I discovered that I was alone.

 I was the last one.

 Sniffing, blinking away the tears, I staggered to my feet and stood there for a moment. Being the very last meant I had been forced to endure witnessing what happened to all the others,  **_and_ ** that I was now the only one left to face the remaining Council members and guards. Alone. The sole object of their attention. In that moment I made a decision.

 If they wanted to see me broken, begging for mercy, they were going to be sorely disappointed. If I had to endure this pain and humiliation to help keep  **_her_ ** safe from harm, so be it. But I would do so with whatever courage and pride I could muster and face my fate head-on, with dignity. 

 Two of the guards walked over to me and went to grab my arms. Shaking them off, I stood straight and tossing my hair out of my face, gave them a look that clearly dared them to lay a hand on me. Then, taking a deep breath, I walked unescorted over to the table, head held high, not looking back.

 I knew Simeon was watching me carefully. Refusing to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging that I noticed this, I blatantly ignored him. Danyael and Katrina were still there, though, and that was a whole different matter.

 Danyael had risen from his seat at the table and walked over to stand behind Katrina's chair. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and looked over at me. Our eyes met. He nodded once. ‘Keeping his word to look after her,’ I thought. ‘He's letting me know that…’ Then I shifted my gaze to her.

 Heartbroken doesn't even begin to describe the look in her eyes, on her face. It truly hit me then, that I was losing her. Everything our lives could have been...together...was being washed away by the storm of this war and its aftermath. Reminding myself that everything I had done was to protect her, to make this world a place worthy for her to live in, was all the comfort I could give either of us now. I had never even gotten the opportunity to profess my love to her. What would have come of it anyway, since this was the path I'd been forced to choose? The look she was giving me said she knew. She knew and understood - but it was breaking her heart regardless.

 As it was breaking mine.

 Forcing myself to look away from her was one of the most difficult things I had ever done. I approached the table, fighting the tremors of fear I could feel in my legs. I looked down at the list. All of those names with a single line drawn through them in red ink, followed by a small round symbol that was unique to each. All variations of a pentacle star, they must represent the marks branded onto the Fallen’s hands. It didn't take much to figure out the system. The pen, branding iron, and the list itself were enchanted to work together, to keep accurate records. How efficient. 

 After only a moment's hesitation, I placed my left hand on the table and looked the Angel in charge of the list right in the eye. Not expecting this, he actually sat back slightly, hesitating. My ruby eyes, also an extreme rarity, met his green ones and held his gaze.

 “Well,” I said, unable to keep the slight tremble out of my voice, “What are you waiting for? I'm the last one. Finish it.”

 I heard Danyael gasp, and Katrina start to cry. I made myself focus on the sound of the pen as it marked through my name in ink that looked like blood, and the sound of the other Angel chanting the incantation that would give the branding iron a unique mark, just for me. Me...Sebastian Michaelis…

 I closed my eyes and felt someone grip my wrist to hold my hand still, heard Katrina sobbing and Danyael trying to comfort her. Refusing to add to her suffering any more than could be helped, I clenched my teeth…

 White hot agony burned into the smooth skin on the back of my left hand. I doubled over, my head coming to rest on the tabletop. My right hand, clenched so tightly my nails cut into my palm, slammed into the table next to where my head rested. I swallowed the rising scream; nothing but a low moan issued forth from my throat as the hot iron did its job, burning a mark of the Fallen into my flesh.

 Gasping as the iron was pulled away, I fought to stay on my feet. Drawing in several ragged breaths, I held on to the table with my right hand and stood up straight…

 The room had gone completely silent. Everyone present was looking at me with expressions akin to awe. Katrina had one hand over her mouth and Danyael was tearing up. It took me a moment to comprehend the reason for their reactions.

 I was the only one who hadn't screamed. I took what grim satisfaction I could from that, because I knew it wouldn't be a repeat performance with what was coming next. Already feeling dizzy and sick from the branding, I knew I wouldn't hold up for long. Part of me wished Katrina would leave, didn't want her to see me subjected to this. Another more selfish part took some comfort in her presence, simply because it meant that she loved me that much...the only way I could repay her for that was to get this over with as quickly as possible…

 Before the two guards could force me to my knees, I stepped back from the table. Clutching my left hand against my chest with my right, I knelt on the floor, on my own, without struggling. Not knowing how to react, they paused. I looked up at Katrina and Danyael. No longer able to rein in my tears, I took a deep breath…

 I spread my wings...to their full extent...for the last time. Tears running unchecked down my face, I closed my eyes…

 I started sobbing as soon as the guard on my right gripped my wing while the one on the left moved behind me to place his hands on my shoulders to steady me. Was it just my imagination, or were they not being as rough with me as they were with the others? Then came the unmistakable feeling of cold metal against my skin…

 Pain is such a small word. Such a small word to describe something so beyond description as the pain I was in. I think even if my eyes had been open, I wouldn't have been able to see a thing past the agony blazing through my entire being.

 Angels are not easily injured. With flesh and bones tougher and more resilient than humans, it takes special weapons and the strength to wield them to do us serious harm. So you can imagine what it would take to remove one's wings - and how much it would  **_hurt_ ** .

 I screamed.

 I screamed with all the pain, sorrow, loss and grief that was flooding through me. Sheer heartbreak given a voice. If an Angel’s singing evokes peace and joy, what does a despairing Angel’s scream do? I'd know soon enough.

 I felt every last cut, every pop and tear as my right wing was separated from my back. As soon as it was done I doubled over, still clutching my freshly branded left hand to my chest, coughing and retching through my sobs. The Angel holding on to my shoulders had let go and stepped back, and I could hear him - sniffling?

 “This isn't right…” he whispered. The other two, the one holding my wing and the one wielding the blade that had severed it were also standing there trying to regain their composure.

 My sorrow. My grief. It had thoroughly shaken all of them. All the other Fallen had expressed their pain and  **_rage_ ** through their screams, hence getting no real sense of sympathy from those carrying out the punishment. Their own emotional states had affected the others’ perceptions of them, thus their rougher, less empathetic treatment. Even Simeon was rendered momentarily speechless. Danyael was openly weeping and gently restraining Katrina, who was trying to go around the end of the table to get to me. When Simeon finally recovered his ability to speak, it was obvious that he was as shaken as the rest of them. 

 “Finish it,” he said, his voice trembling ever so slightly.  

 It was with much reluctance that they moved to do so. I flinched when the Angel behind me once again - gently - took hold of my shoulders, pulling me back into a more upright position. The one on my right carefully laid my severed right wing on the floor and moved around to the left side to take hold of my other wing. The fellow with the blade was even slower to move, and his hand was shaking as he positioned the blade against my back.

 It never occurred to me that the pain would actually be  **_worse_ ** the second time around. The body reacts rather strangely to certain stimuli...such as the muscles tensing up in anticipation of an unpleasant sensation. And it certainly didn't help that after the way I reacted the first time, the three whose responsibility it was to finish the job were now hesitant to do so.

 Shaking under the first Angel’s firm but gentle grip on my shoulders, I whimpered as the second Angel struggled to tug my now taut wing straight enough for the third to be able to manoeuvre the blade. Finally succeeding, he held on tightly with trembling hands…

 Who would have thought that after the first time I would still have enough of a voice left to scream. A bit ragged, perhaps, the sound slightly raspy and a bit rougher in tone, but no less grief-stricken than the first. I only stopped for a second, gagging when he reached the joint, retching as I felt it grind apart, only to begin screaming again as my left wing finally tore free. 

 The next thing I knew, there were arms around me and the sound of someone sobbing right in my left ear. Above the smell of my own blood I could make out another scent - herbs and honeysuckle - and I could feel a hand in my hair, on the back of my head, cradling it against their shoulder. Before I mercifully lost consciousness, they spoke…

 “I love you...and I  **_will_ ** find you. No matter what happens, or how long it takes. I'm not giving up. I will always love you...my beautiful Fallen...Sebastian…”

 

                   *      *      *      *      *      *

 

 “Sebastian? Sebastian!”

 A hand on my left shoulder, gently shaking me…

 “Sebastian! Wake up! Wake up, Sebastian! Please wake up…”

 My young master's voice...concerned...frightened, even…

 Coming wide awake with a gasp, it took a moment for me to catch my breath. I could feel tears on my face and my throat felt raw, as if I had been screaming. I sat up and clutched my left hand, which was throbbing - burning with remembered pain - to my chest. The scars on my back burned as well, the muscles there tightening and cramping as the memory of what happened reasserted itself in my mind. At that moment, Katrina came rushing into the room.

 “Sebastian? Ciel? What happened? I heard…” She stopped as soon as she looked at me, sitting there holding my left hand against my chest, struggling to breathe normally, obviously in pain. As soon as her eyes met mine, I did something truly embarrassing. 

 I started to cry.

 Apparently, even Demons are susceptible to the issues associated with repressed memories. Such as having nightmares and sobbing uncontrollably afterwards.

 As shocked as I had been earlier when Ciel burst into tears, I daresay he was even more surprised when I did. My poor master had no idea how to react to seeing me, his impeccable, always composed and proper, ‘one hell of a butler’ coming completely unglued over a bad dream.

 Katrina stood there for a moment, looking almost as shocked as Ciel. Then her expression softened into one of empathy and sadness as she rushed over to my side of the bed.

 Even after obviously rolling right out of bed, dressed in a plain white gown, blue-gray robe and matching slippers, her disheveled hair pulled into a loose braid over her shoulder, Katrina was beautiful. My long-buried feelings for her hit me in a sudden rush of emotion that had me sobbing even harder as she sat on the edge of the bed and tenderly pulled me into her arms. She held me - just like she did  **_that day_ ** \- letting me cry into her shoulder.

 “ He...he was having a nightmare,” Ciel whispered. “I didn't know what to do…”

 “It's alright,” Katrina said softly, and I wasn't sure whether she was speaking to me or Ciel...maybe both of us. “I'm here now.”

 Ciel sniffed. The last thing I wanted to do was make my young master cry again. But at the moment I was literally unable to stop weeping, myself. “What...what can I do to help him?” Ciel asked quietly. 

 “ Just being here is more help and support than you think,” Katrina replied. “But if you really want to  **_do_ ** something to help, come sit closer and place your hand on his back, right between his shoulderblades…” I could feel Ciel shift positions to sit close beside me, then his left hand settle on my back where Katrina directed. “Now, just move your hand in a circular motion, nice and gentle.”

 She knew. Katrina knew exactly what I'd dreamed of and where I was hurting. And she knew precisely how to comfort me  **_and_ ** Ciel; by getting him involved in taking care of me so that he felt useful, he was also being a comfort to himself. How well she understood people and what they needed. A true healer in every sense of the word.

 Rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles, Ciel spoke softly. “He's taken such good care of me for nearly three years now. What kind of master would I be if I didn't at least attempt to return the favour?”

 Between Ciel gently massaging my back to ease the physical pain and Katrina holding me close and stroking my hair to offer emotional comfort, I slowly relaxed. The tension in my muscles melted away and the tears finally ceased. I discovered that at some point, I had slipped my arms around Katrina's waist to hold on to her. In my distressed state, I simply didn't realise I had done so. Thoroughly embarrassed as well as emotionally drained, I gently extricated myself from her embrace, drying my tears and attempting to pull myself together. 

 “I am so terribly sorry,” I managed to say. “This behaviour is totally unbecoming…”

 “Sebastian…” Ciel tried to interrupt, moving his hand from my back to my shoulder.

 “ I have been a complete disgrace to my position as butler to the Phantomhive family,” I continued, tearing up again much to my chagrin. A sudden irrational fear came over me that I couldn't even begin to explain at the moment. I looked at Ciel with a pleading expression. “But please, young master, please forgive me and please...don’t send me away.”  My voice had dropped to a trembling near-whisper. “Don't order me away again…”

 Ciel squeezed my shoulder. “I already promised I wouldn't, Sebastian,” he reassured me. “You have nothing to apologise for and nothing to be ashamed of. You are  **_not_ ** a disgrace, and after what you've been through, I'd say you've earned the right to come undone.”

 “Why don't you lie back down and try to go back to sleep,” Katrina suggested, once again touching my face with her fingertips, tucking my hair behind my left ear. “I can stay until you drift off if you want me to.” 

 Still feeling vulnerable and shaken, I simply nodded. This was not like me at all and I had no explanation for my current emotional state. I was also too damn tired to think about it.

 Ciel shifted back over to his side of the bed to allow me the space to lie down. I got settled, stretched out on my right side like before, and Katrina tugged the blankets back up over my shoulder. After making sure I was comfortable, Ciel also laid back down on his left side, snuggled into the blankets and looked at me.

 “You've always been the one taking care of me,” he said softly, “so it's my turn to take care of you now.” Reaching out, he brushed a stray hair out of my face and then placed his hand on top of my left hand, which was resting on the pillow. The mark had stopped burning, but the memory of the pain brought fresh tears to my eyes. Ciel squeezed my hand gently. “Try to go back to sleep, Sebastian.”

 I closed my eyes, and turning my face a bit farther into the pillow, began to cry softly. My young master...taking care of me. Underneath that tough, ruthless, proud façade, there still existed a kind-hearted, compassionate soul. In my exhausted state, I couldn't stop myself from weeping or stop my Hunger from rearing its ugly head. Opening my eyes to look back at Ciel, I knew what he would see. The glowing cat-eyes and predatory sharp teeth of a Fallen…

 “ I'm so sorry, young master,” I whispered, “so very sorry…” First the nightmare, now my Hunger. Watching Ciel, his eyes reflecting the light of the moon streaming through the window, I felt my Hunger sharpen along with a new sensation.

 Guilt. I felt guilty and ashamed of myself. But I was too tired to sort it out right now.

 “It's alright, Sebastian,” Ciel responded, still squeezing my hand. Katrina began to gently run her fingers through my hair. Still sobbing softly, I closed my eyes once again…

 

                  *      *      *      *      *      *

 

 “It's time to wake up, young master…”

 “Hmm…” I could feel Ciel moving, rolling onto his back to stretch. “Keep as quiet as you can, Tanaka,” he whispered. “I don't want to wake Sebastian.”

 “As you wish, my lord,” came Tanaka’s soft reply. “Katrina inquired about him on her way to the library…”

 “He had a horrible nightmare last night,” Ciel explained as Tanaka poured his tea. Earl Grey, by the smell of it. “Just let him sleep as long as he needs to.”

 They both went quiet then, except for the soft sound of fabric rustling as Tanaka helped Ciel dress. I felt myself beginning to drift back off when Ciel spoke again, voicing some thoughts that got my attention.

 “I think Sebastian getting hurt brought back some rather unpleasant memories about something in his past…” Ciel speculated.

 “ What makes you think so, my lord?” Tanaka asked in an almost whisper.

 “He was trembling and trying to scream in his sleep...and when I managed to get him to wake up, he clutched his left hand - the one with the mark - to his chest as if it pained him. Then Katrina had me rub his back where those scars are.” He paused, obviously putting the pieces together. “ I think he dreamed about whatever happened to give him those scars, and that the mark on his hand is connected to it somehow.”

 Well, I couldn't very well go back to sleep now, could I? Sighing, I spoke up softly, “Very astute observation, my young lord,” as I eased myself into a sitting position. Ciel gasped, startled, and turned to look at me with a slightly irritated expression.

 “ Just how long have you been awake?”

 “Only for a moment, young master.” We stared silently at one another for a moment. “You are mostly correct in your assumption,” I said softly.

 “Mostly?”

 “Except for  **_what_ ** triggered it,” I clarified. “I had Katrina...clear the ‘fog’ away...from some very old, repressed memories.’

 “Why?” Ciel asked, shocked. “Why would you have her do that if the memories are of something obviously painful enough that you'd blocked them?”

 “On the off-hand chance that there might be something I've experienced in my past that might help us deal with this cult and the other Fallen,” I explained quietly. 

 “So you did it...you did it to help me?”

 “Partially.” I couldn't lie. “And also for myself. There were things...I needed to know.”

 “I see,” Ciel said thoughtfully. I could see it in his eyes that he was pondering over everything. When he spoke again it was softly and with that uncanny, deeply compassionate way he has about him sometimes. “I will admit to a certain amount of curiosity about your past - the mark on your hand and those scars on your back. It's fairly obvious that we both have some truly painful things in our pasts. You already know about mine, but that was a necessity - part and parcel of binding our Contract. You  **_had_ ** to know the reason in order to make it happen.” He paused, looking at me with those eyes - one the most intense sapphire blue, the other that incredible shade of amethyst with the Seal of our Contract encompassing the iris - and said in all seriousness, “As curious as I am, those things are yours to tell or not. I will never ask you to speak of them until  **_you_ ** are ready to do so. Ordering you to tell me just to satisfy my own desire to know would be cruel and a breach of trust. It would be selfish and unkind of me. So whatever happened, whatever your nightmare was about, you don't have to tell me, and you don't have to worry about me pressuring you to talk about it. Just know that should you decide to, I'll listen without judgement.”

 It took me a moment to find my voice. “Thank you, young master. Rest assured, should I remember anything that will help us with the present situation, I will not withhold that information.”

 “Understood,” Ciel replied.

 “And I wish to apologise.”

 “For what?”

 Now I had a hard time meeting his gaze. Why was this so difficult?

 “For allowing my Hunger to show the way it did. It was unseemly and I am quite thoroughly ashamed of myself…”

 Ciel raised a hand, cutting me off. “You were exhausted and recovering from a horrible dream. After what happened when Katrina healed you, I would think it would be expected to give you a little trouble until, well, I suppose until you build up some extra tolerance to the things that seem to trigger it?”

 “That does make sense, my lord. But in the meantime, I will do my best to not allow it to get to me so easily.”

 “I understand,” Ciel responded. Tanaka had finished lacing his shoes, so Ciel stood to allow him to help with his jacket. When Tanaka completed buttoning it, Ciel thanked him and told him to finish preparing breakfast. “I'll be there shortly. There's something I need to discuss with Sebastian.”

 “Right away, young master,” Tanaka replied with a slight bow. He gathered the tea things and exited the room.

 Curious as to what Ciel had on his mind, I asked, “What is it you wish to discuss, my young lord?” He picked up his eye patch from the nightstand and fidgeted with it for a second before extending his hand toward me.

 “Help me with this first.”

 “Of course, master.” I moved over to that side of the bed and swung my legs over the edge to sit in front of him. He stood still while I gently tied the patch, his expression thoughtful, but a bit unsure, as if he was having difficulty deciding how to bring up whatever subject he wanted to discuss. Finally, he sighed, apparently making up his mind.

 “In light of the current circumstances, I think we ought to consider explaining things to several other select individuals.”

 I froze. “Explain what exactly? And to whom?”

 “Well, Tanaka already knows everything,” Ciel said. “But what if something happens and Bard, Mey-Rin and Finny have been kept in the dark and don't know how to handle it? Or Prince Soma and Agni? Lau and Ran-Mao already know you're ‘not exactly human’ and have said nothing. And they don't treat you any differently...”

 “Pardon me for interrupting, but  **_they_ ** don't have to work side-by-side with me every day,” I interjected.

 “But that's precisely why I think the others should be told,” Ciel replied. “What if your Hunger flares up? Or you get injured again? Or you're forced to do something physically impossible for a human to do right in front of them? We've been lucky -  **_so far_ ** . But who's to say how long that will last? And  **_this_ ** business with another Fallen in the picture…” 

 It was now my turn to sigh. He had a valid argument. But that didn't dispel my concern. “I understand your position on the matter,” I said. “Truly, I do. I'm just worried about...how they'll react…”

 “I think they might surprise you,” Ciel responded softly. “They really do care about and respect you, you know.”

 “Which is something that continues to baffle me…”

 “Why?” Ciel asked.

 “Because I don't understand what on Earth I've done to make them feel that way, I suppose,” I answered.

 “Well,” Ciel said, “you could always ask them. Or perhaps see what they have to say after we explain things.”

 I looked at Ciel, standing there with his left hand on his hip, gesturing with his right hand as he spoke. “You're determined then, to have this talk with them?”

 “I think it would be a wise course of action to have them prepared for whatever may happen. That is, unless you thoroughly object…”

 “It's not that I object, young master. It just makes me a bit anxious. But if you truly believe that it will be helpful, I will leave that decision up to you.”

 Ciel breathed what I strongly suspected was a sigh of relief. “Alright, then. I'll see to it that everyone who needs to be told is here at the same time. No sense in going over the same information more than once.”

 “What do you wish for me to do for now, my lord?”

 “ **_You_ ** are taking the day off,” Ciel stated firmly.

 “But...master…”

 “You were attacked and nearly killed, followed by a horrific nightmare. Katrina is in the library. If you must do something, bathe, get dressed and go spend some time with her. You can't possibly be fully recovered yet, and she's the perfect person for you to be around until you are. Do I need to make that an order?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing his stubborn gaze on me.

 “No need for that, young master,” I responded.

 “Good. I'll have Tanaka take breakfast to the library for you and Katrina. After I take care of whatever business there is to see to this morning, I'll bring the letter to the library and we can examine it.”

 “As you wish.”

 Ciel then left me alone in the room; alone with all of my very confusing thoughts and emotions. Perhaps a bath and a fresh change of clothing would help clear my head. My dressing gown that matched my pajamas was laid out at the foot of the bed and I found the slippers on the floor. Tanaka must have brought them when he brought the young master's tea. Always thinking ahead, Tanaka. It made me smile. ‘I may be one hell of a butler, but I learned from the best,’ I thought.

 My master was right when he said that I hadn't fully recovered. I discovered just how sore I still was as I slipped the robe on and started to leave the room. Especially my left shoulder and right side. Hopefully the hot water would help. 

 The men’s servants quarters were on the bottom floor of the manor, with the bath at the end of the hall. I headed straight there, taking a route through the manor that would ensure I didn't run into anyone dressed as I was. And with Bard and Finny occupied with their daily routines, I wouldn't have to worry about them needing the room until later.

 All of the bathrooms in the manor had been updated when the house was rebuilt. As a result, they had running water in all of them and the servants’ bath actually had a shower installed over the large, claw-footed bathtub. Useful for servants who did a lot of work outside, like Finny. (I mean really, who would want to take a  **_bath_ ** after the gardner had uses the tub?)

 I turned the hot water tap on first to allow the water to warm up while I got undressed. It was as I stripped my clothing off that I discovered the faint bruising around each location where I had been stabbed. Even after all Katrina had done… We needed to find that dagger and make sure it was placed somewhere safe where it couldn't be used again - or see to it that it was destroyed. It was too dangerous to be in the wrong hands - like it was currently.

 Shoving thoughts about the dagger away for now, I finished undressing and carefully stepped into the tub, turning the shower on after adjusting the water temperature. 

 Never would I have believed that such a simple thing as hot water could feel so wonderful. Letting out a long, contented sigh, I just stood there under the flow of water, letting it run over my head, down my neck and shoulders; the heat penetrating into my muscles all the way down my back and chest, easing the pain and relaxing the tension I hadn't been aware of until then.

 After the soreness let up a bit, I stretched to test my range of motion and further loosen the tightened muscles before retrieving a washcloth and bar of soap. I methodically scrubbed myself from head to toe, being careful around the areas that were still tender. Then I thoroughly rinsed off, still enjoying the feel of the warm water running in soothing rivulets over my skin, following the contours of every muscle.

 My fellow Angels - back when I still  **_was_ ** one - had sometimes affectionately teased me for being ‘skinny,’ or ‘too delicate looking.’ At roughly six-foot-one and a lean one-hundred-seventy pounds, I was often underestimated in our sparring matches. They tended to forget that every inch of that, every pound, was toned muscle. And in my case, lean equalled fast and agile. I had taken quite a few of them by surprise on more than one occasion. 

 Funny how something as simple as taking a shower can bring things long forgotten back to one's mind. Apparently whatever Katrina had done had completely cleared away the mental ‘fog,’ allowing me to remember everything. I had yet to decide if that was a good thing or not.

 I finished rinsing, turned the water off and slid the shower curtain back to reach for a towel from the small stand next to the tub. The heat had definitely helped to alleviate some of the soreness. I towelled off, put my robe and slippers back on, picked up my pajamas and headed for my room down the hall.

 Bless Tanaka, he had also gotten the fire going in anticipation of my return to my quarters to get dressed. The room was already warm. I finished grooming my still damp hair and got dressed as usual, however, my pocket watch was missing. I would have to remember to ask Tanaka about that. It had been in my other vest pocket last I remembered. I hoped it wasn't damaged, or worse, lost. It had been a gift from my young master upon completing my training as his new butler, and it meant a great deal to me. Sighing, I took one last look at myself in the mirror, making sure my tie was straight and my appearance in general neat and tidy as befitted the butler of the Phantomhive family. Then I put on my gloves and left my room to go to the library.

 To Katrina.

 I discovered something unusual on my way there. I was actually nervous. Nervous about spending time alone with her after so much time had passed and so much had happened since we'd last seen one another. My long exile as a Fallen had changed me. I wasn't the Sebastian she once knew...and loved. How would she take that? How would she handle it once she knew who and what I had become? ‘Well,’ I thought as I approached the library door, ‘only one way to find out…’ Taking hold of the doorknob, I quietly opened the door and stepped inside. The sight before me took my breath away.

 She was seated at a table pouring over a large volume of herbal lore, several other books scattered on the table around her. A shaft of late morning sunlight slanted through the window, catching motes of dust and making them sparkle around her and turning her hair into a shining silver halo around her fair face. The rest of her hair hung in a neatly plaited braid over her shoulder, tied with a slate blue velvet ribbon that matched her dress and perfectly complimented the colour of her eyes. Not wanting to disturb her, I closed the door as,quietly as possible behind me, leaning back against it and just silently observing her for a moment, totally spellbound by her simple, graceful beauty.

 As quiet as I had been, it was inevitable that she would notice my presence. She suddenly paused in her perusal of the book she was studying, her finger coming to a halt about halfway down the page. She sniffed and tilted her head slightly before looking up from the book towards the door. Seeing me standing there, she smiled - making my breath catch in my throat - then stood and walked over to stand in front of me. She reached up with that strangely familiar gesture to tuck my hair behind my left ear and asked softly, “How are you feeling?” I shrugged slightly.

 “Still a bit sore, but definitely better than yesterday, thank you,” I answered. Katrina lowered her hand.

 “Why don't we sit and talk,” she said. “Tanaka will likely be bringing breakfast soon, anyway.” I followed her as she turned and walked back to the table where she'd been reading and took the seat across from her.

 “What would you like to talk about?” I asked as we settled into our seats.

 “Well, to start with, how much of your memories have come back?”

 I sighed. “Everything.” Katrina looked a little surprised.

 “Already? That's definitely unexpected.”

 Shrugging slightly, I replied, “Perhaps it's better this way. Over and done with. Besides, it's not like either of us had any control over it.”

 “True,” Katrina responded, her expression thoughtful. “So other than the nightmare last night, you've not experienced any other ill effects? Headaches or dizziness?”

 “None.”

 “Good.” She paused, studying me for a moment before continuing. “Ciel gave me a brief synopsis of how your Contract came about and what the situation is, starting with who his parents were, what his father did, their murder and what happened after.” I must have looked a bit surprised because she smiled gently at me. “He didn't go into great detail for the sake of time and worry over what may have happened to you, not knowing where you'd gone. He explained what happened with the cult leader and the other Fallen and expressed his concern that his misplaced anger at you may have driven you to try to rectify things on your own.”

 I smiled sadly at her. “He knows me too well,” I said.

 “I would like to hear the whole story from your point of view,” she requested quietly. “If you are at liberty to do so without violating any part of your Contract with your young master.”

 Katrina's consideration for that particular detail touched me deeply. It showed both respect and care for the relationship between myself and Ciel. Not something one would expect from an Angel.

 “There is nothing in our Contract that would prevent me from being able to tell you anything,” I responded softly. “Thank you for inquiring, though.”

 “Of course,” she answered. 

 “So...where should I start?”

 “Where ever you choose to.”

 I took a moment to consider where to begin. Then I took a deep breath to try to relax…

 The beginning of my relationship with my young master - the day our Contract was sealed - that's where I started. I explained in detail how he accidentally summoned me and the consequences. Katrina listened with such patience and absolute attention. Especially when I told her about Ciel's memories that he'd shared that day.

 It pained me much more deeply than I expected to recount the night of his parents’ murder - and that of his beloved pet - followed by his kidnapping and torture. Keeping my composure became more and more difficult, and as I finally lost my hold on my emotions, getting choked up and beginning to cry, she reached across the table to lay a comforting hand on my arm. That simple gesture of reassurance gave me the strength to keep going.

 Then I gave her a brief history of the past three years. Basically, what we'd been doing to both track down the cult and its leader and to aid Scotland Yard in solving supernatural/occult related crimes. And how that was what had led to Ciel being cursed by the other Fallen and what had happened after; his anger and the way I had responded being nearly as difficult to talk about as his memories had been. By the time I finished my tale, bringing things to a close with the events of last night and my nightmare, I felt emotionally drained but relieved at the same time, as if telling her what happened had been a confession of sorts. Like a weight lifted from my shoulders. 

 Both of us went quiet for a few moments. Before Katrina could begin asking me any questions, there was a soft knock on the door.

 “That's likely Tanaka with breakfast,” I said, getting up to open the door. Tanaka was waiting on the other side with a tray of freshly baked cinnamon scones and English Breakfast Tea.

 “I apologise for the slight delay,” Tanaka said. “Bard accidentally scorched the first batch of scones.”

 “Typical,” I replied, shaking my head and grinning in spite of myself. I took the tray from Tanaka and thanked him for bringing it.

 “You're welcome,” he replied. “Don't worry about anything today, Sebastian. We're all just glad you're going to be alright. You deserve a day off to rest and recover. If you or Katrina need anything just let me know.” Then he turned and walked away down the corridor in that quietly dignified way he has about him, leaving me standing there with the serving tray, completely at a loss for words. Shaking my head in confusion, I closed the library door and went back over to the table, where Katrina had cleared a space for the tray.

 “He is so very kind,” Katrina remarked.

 “Yes,” I agreed, “He is indeed.” I proceeded to pour Katrina a cup of tea. Then I set a scone on one of the small plates and placed it in front of her as well. She watched me with a slight smile and an amused expression. I caught myself smiling back at her. “What is it?” I asked. Katrina picked up her teacup and raised it to her nose, breathing in the aroma of the freshly brewed tea.

 “Oh, it's nothing.”

 “Well, this ‘nothing’ has you amused and smiling,” I gently teased. “Come on. Tell me.”

 “You said earlier in your recounting of events that Tanaka trained you to be Ciel's butler,” she said.

 “Yes.”

 “Well, it's obvious that you learned the job well and take pride in performing it with such competency.”

 “I had a good teacher. Tanaka is thorough, patient and kind.”

 “And you care about Ciel and want to make him happy.”

 Having finished serving Katrina her breakfast, I saw to my own and sat across from her once more. I mulled over her last statement as I added cream and a little sugar to my tea.

 “You're still trying to understand that yourself, aren't you?” she asked softly.

 “I suppose I am,” I replied. Katrina took a sip of her tea, then tilted her head to the side, looking at me.

 “I believe I can shed some light on that for you.”

 “How so?” I inquired.

 “You are connected to each other on so many levels,” she started. “Look at the similarity of some of your memories - of events in your pasts that caused both of you pain. Neither of you deserved what happened to you. You were both branded. Whether your memories of what happened to you were clear or not, seeing Ciel's memories of a similar incident had to have triggered an empathetic response from you.”

 I nodded, remembering the feeling of righteous anger and the urge to protect him. I explained it to Katrina, telling her how it felt. “That makes more sense to me now,” I said.

 “Add to that the uncanny coincidence of him giving you your true name back,” Katrina continued. “He chose from things in his past that meant very specific things to him. He got Sebastian from his much loved pet, his loyal guardian and protector - and look at what role you're filling besides butler. Then Michaelis from a Japanese word with a similar sound that he learned from Tanaka, that means ‘repayment’ - the repayment of the revenge which you'd help him attain in exchange for the repayment of that debt. It was the perfect, accidental merging of his specific needs from you, the role you were to fulfil, that allowed him to come up with it. Did anything unusual happen when he named you?”

 “Now that you mention it,” I began, thinking back to that day, “ I felt an unusually strong, warm kind of energy run up my arm from where he was holding onto my hand.”

 Katrina smiled. “The only reason you didn't realise he had given you your true name back was because you had so thoroughly repressed those memories - blocked out the pain from that part of your past. That combined with it being stricken from the records, thus severing it from your identity. However, Ciel re-naming you and then me clearing the ‘fog’ from your memories has completely given it back to you.”

 “What does that mean, exactly?” I was trying to make sense of the direction she was going with this. 

 “I contacted Danyael early this morning,” she replied. “You are the first and only one this has happened to, and I was curious. I had him check the list and report his findings.” Pausing, she looked at me with a bit of excitement. “The line through your name was  **_gone_ ** . And the ink your name was written in had turned red.”

 My heart rate sped up slightly. “What exactly does  **_that_ ** mean?” I asked.

 “It means that while you  **_are_ ** still on the list - still a Fallen - you have your name back. For good. It's yours again. Even in future Contracts, no one will ever be able to re-name you. You are, once again and always, from now on, Sebastian Michaelis. The next time you are summoned and they ask you what your name is, you'll have one to give. Yours.”

 Reeling with shock, I sat back in my chair, speechless. Ciel had given me my name for reasons very deeply important to him, already creating a strong bond. But this went beyond that, much deeper and more meaningful than either of us could have known.

 Shared memories of similar painful experiences in our pasts combined with the incredibly improbable chance of giving me back my true name because it meant something special to my young master…

 “It's no wonder, then, why the two of you have such a strong connection, and have come to care about each other so much,” Katrina reasoned. “It reawakened your long buried and nearly forgotten ability to care and be cared about in return.”

 So much about my relationship with Ciel made sense now. Our Contract was unlike any other I had ever made; influenced by so many things, binding on so many levels. Not merely an agreement reached between us, but a melding of shared experiences and feelings that created a much deeper bond than a simple Contract.

 It took me a few moments to find my voice after thinking things over. “It's all a bit...overwhelming right now,” I finally said. “But I have been struggling with my emotions and certain feelings for some time now, and this certainly gives things a new perspective.”

 Katrina looked at me with curiosity in her expression. “Could you try to explain?” 

 Sitting forward and resting my arms on the table again, I did exactly that. “I suppose...well...I’ve been uncharacteristically protective and caring towards Ciel from the beginning. Those feelings have continued and even strengthened over the time of our Contract, which confused me greatly - until now. But I've also come to care about the others to some extent as well, so I'm going to assume that Ciel awakened those feelings and that - over time - they extended to include the others.”

 “That does make sense,” Katrina agreed. 

 “However, now I am also experiencing the additional feelings of shame and guilt,” I admitted softly.

 “Over what?”

 “This may be difficult to explain…”

 “Are you willing to try?”

 My anxiety must have shown on my face, because she reached across the table to touch my arm again. I sighed, trying to put my thoughts into some semblance of order before beginning.

 “It deals with my Hunger, mainly.,” I started. “When the Fallen first developed the ability to feed on soul energy, it was out of necessity. For survival. Not all of us were even keen on it to begin with. Some of us - myself included - are very...choosy...about who we will enter into a Contract with and why.”

 “Like a personal code of honour, so-to-speak,” Katrina said thoughtfully. 

 I nodded. “Over a period of time, some Fallen drifted away from that - if they had it to begin with - and became truly evil, not caring about the aesthetics of honourable Contracts. The more ‘evil’ they became, the more fearsome and horrific their ‘Demon forms’ became - outward manifestations of the evil within. All of us developed those characteristics to some extent, but the ones who totally surrendered to the Hunger and its urges…” I shrugged.

 “Like addicts who turned into monstrous personifications of their vice.”

 “I suppose. But even the ones who still adhered to some kind of code - like myself - became slowly desensitized to the effects, hence us developing fairly frightening ‘Demon forms’ as well.” I paused, trying to maintain my train of thought amidst the memories this discussion was bringing back. “Ciel wasn't afraid of me,” I continued softly. “And now all those years of becoming inured to what I was doing...it’s as if they don't exist.”

 “What do you mean?” Katrina asked.

 “Over that period of time the Hunger became a natural thing. Normal. It was just the way things were, and certainly nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty for. The people who summoned me knew exactly what they were doing - what the consequences would be. They understood full well what they were getting themselves into. It's a bit hard to feel guilty over feeding off the energy from someone's soul when they were the one who instigated those circumstances. But with Ciel…”

 “His summoning wasn't intentional and you had to explain things to him.”

 “That is definitely a factor,” I agreed. “And the fact that I  **_have_ ** come to care about him as well. So now, especially since my Hunger was triggered during the healing - which I do  **_not_ ** blame you for in the least - I feel guilty for the craving, as if it's wrong somehow. I feel ashamed of it, because I shouldn't want to feed off of the soul of someone I care about, should I?” Feeling the tears threaten to start again, I had to force myself to continue. “And now that I  **_can't_ ** because of the residual effects of the curse and the craving is still there, I feel even worse about it. I don't understand how I can care about him and still feel the Hunger like this. It's so confusing and...it  **_hurts._ ** I'm not used to dealing with simultaneously feeling things that are such contradictions to each other. I watch Ciel do it all the time - he feels love for his parents, grief over their deaths, and the need to avenge what happened to his family all at once. And yet, as long as I have lived, I still don't have a grasp on how humans do it…” I trailed off, at a loss how to explain my feelings.

 “As a Fallen, isolated and essentially surviving on your own, having only yourself to rely on, you became used to not being cared for by anyone else. Add to that only being summoned to be used by one master after another, you lost that level of sensitivity. When you became a Fallen, you lost your identity and your purpose. You lost your connection to those you had previously had loving, caring relationships with, and your connection to Heaven and the Creator. Your emotional ‘range’ narrowed to compensate, to protect your own sanity. A shield against the pain. A safety measure of sorts. Otherwise, you might very well have gone mad.”

 I pondered over Katrina's line of reasoning. It made sense. The mind is capable of doing some interesting things to protect itself. Katrina gave me a moment to process what she had said before continuing.

 “It was your relationship with Ciel, and subsequent relationships with Tanaka and the others that have had the effect of reawakening these long suppressed emotions. They've given you back some of what was taken away - friendship and a level of caring you haven't experienced in so long that you just don't know how to handle it yet.” She squeezed my arm gently. “Give it some time. You'll be able to adjust. You had to adapt to being a Fallen, didn't you? And you had to learn how to be a butler. You'll learn how to deal with this, too. And you have some very good friends who will no doubt be there to help when you need it.”

 “I know...it’s just that  **_that's_ ** confusing as well.”

 “What is?”

 “I don't understand what I've done to warrant receiving this level of caring and friendship from them - why they care about me so much.”

 “Well, look at what you did for them,” Katrina said. “You got all three of them out of terrible situations and gave them a chance to have a better life. You took the time to teach them and give them a new purpose.”

 “But I didn't do it for the reasons they think,” I explained, the misery I was currently feeling coming through in my tone. “And I feel guilty over that now, too. I brought them here and trained them to protect Ciel so he wouldn't die before I had the chance to help him get his revenge so that his soul's energy would be at its absolute best before I consumed it.” I clenched my teeth against both the tears and the Hunger I could feel gnawing away at my insides. “I did it for entirely selfish reasons, knowing that they would be so grateful to Ciel and me that they'd never question it. And now…” I swallowed, trying desperately not to come undone. 

 “Now that's changed, too,” Katrina finished for me. I nodded.

 “And because it has, I feel terrible about deceiving and using them…”

 “Can you honestly say that you only hired them for the reason you gave me?” Katrina asked. “Truly?” I stared at her, confused. “Because I think that while that reason may make sense, underneath it, your concern for your master was working on your subconscious. If you had even the slightest feeling of caring for him when you made the decision to hire each of them, then your feelings of guilt are a bit out of proportion to your actions.”

 Sniffing, I thought that over. Katrina had a valid point. “ So you're saying that even if I thought that was why I was doing it to begin with, that my feelings of care and concern for Ciel still influenced my decision whether I realised it or not?”

 “Exactly,” Katrina answered.

 “I'm not used to this,” I responded. “ I've been very much ‘what you see is what you get’ for so long, no pretending to be anything other than what I am, and suddenly what I am is at complete odds with my emotions and thought processes…”

 “ **_What_ ** you are does not have to define  **_who_ ** you are, Sebastian.”

 It took a moment for what she said to sink in. Holding back my tears suddenly became so much more difficult. 

 “I can never go back to who I used to be, Katrina,” I responded. “ **_That_ ** Sebastian Michaelis is forever lost.”

 “Everyone changes over time, Sebastian. I don't expect you to stay the same forever.”

 “I am definitely  **_not_ ** the Sebastian you once knew.”

 “I know.”

 “I've done terrible things, Katrina. Not all of the masters I've served have been like Ciel…”

 “I know that, too.” The confusion I was feeling must have shown on my face. “I've been trying to find you ever since you didn't show up for your meeting with Danyael - after the argument the two of you had the last time you did meet. I've been a step or two behind you ever since then.”

 Shocked at this revelation, I was temporarily unable to speak. “But...how?” I finally managed to ask.

 “I had anyone and everyone I knew I could trust keeping watch for any signs of your whereabouts,” Katrina explained. “Every time news reached me of a Fallen matching your description being active somewhere, I would go there, only to arrive too late - after your Contract was completed and you were gone. All that was left were stories - rumours - about what had transpired. That was all I had to go on - your physical appearance and the types of Contracts you had an established pattern of entering into.”

 Once again sitting back in my chair, I sat there in stunned silence. Katrina had been looking for me for  **_centuries_ ** . “Why?” I managed to whisper. Katrina looked back at me, those storm blue eyes meeting and holding my ruby-eyed gaze.

 “You know why, Sebastian,” she whispered back. Her words from  **_that day_ ** came to me, and I closed my eyes, the tears still leaking from beneath my long black lashes…

_ ‘I love you...and I will find you. No matter what happens, or how long it takes. I'm not giving up. I will always love you...my beautiful Fallen…’ _

__ “Sebastian.” I choked back a sob as she softly spoke my name, clenching my teeth against it, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter. “Sebastian...look at me...please?”

 Forcing myself to open my eyes, I looked across the table at her. She was gazing back at me with those kind, compassionate eyes and it took everything I had not to break down.

 “I know you're overwhelmed right now,” Katrina said, her tone gentle and understanding. “No one remains the same person they were after going through anything like what you and Ciel have been through. Those kinds of painful experiences change you, alter your perspectives on things, especially where relationships with other people are concerned. I held no expectations of finding you unchanged by all of this.” She paused, fighting tears herself. “I'm just so glad that I managed to find you at last. As for you not being the Sebastian I once knew, well, I'm willing to take the time to get reacquainted - because you may have changed, but I've seen glimpses of the old you in the way you treat Ciel and the others. And your past Contracts are exactly that - the past. I don't care what you did under orders from your previous masters. What matters is the time we have now and what use we make of it.”

 I sniffed, then sighed. Katrina, it seemed, was better prepared to handle my issues than I was. Of course, she was a healer, and as such had a greater understanding of the ailments that could afflict the mind and soul than most ordinary people. I hoped she could handle helping me deal with the havoc that remembering everything was wreaking on my emotional state.

 “Remembering all of those things is painful, I know,” she said softly, as if she knew what I was thinking. “I want to be here for you - to help in whatever way I can - if you'll let me.”

 “I...don’t know yet if I can...if I am capable...of returning the feelings you still have for me…” I managed to say, my voice little more than a broken whisper.

 “I'm not expecting you to,” Katrina responded gently. “You're recovering from physical injuries and serious mental and emotional shock and stress. All of those take time to heal. I just want to help because I care. I don't expect anything in return.”

 Still sniffling a bit, I had to give that a bit of thought before attempting to answer. The whole ‘unconditional’ thing had become a nearly alien concept to me since I'd become a Fallen. After a few moments of internal struggle, I decided that this was just yet another aspect of ‘caring’ that I would have to re-acclimate to over a period of time. Katrina was obviously not taking offence to my needing time and space to adjust, so getting any more upset over it was pointless. Taking a deep breath, I tried to pull myself together.

 “Alright. I'm sure Ciel won't mind you staying for awhile. I'll speak with him when the opportunity presents itself.”

 Katrina smiled at me and I felt my heart skip faster for a beat or two. How, after all this time, her sudden reappearance in my life could affect me thus, I was at a loss to explain.

 “Thank you, Sebastian,” she replied. “I look forward to spending time with you to get reacquainted, and to getting to know Ciel, too. And the others.” She paused for a moment before asking, “Are Tanaka and Ciel the only ones who know?”

 “They are the only ones who know what I am, if that is what you're asking,” I replied quietly. “Although that may have to change, what with there being another Fallen in the picture now.”

 “I see. Well, I won't say anything until you or Ciel say it's alright. Besides, once they know about you…”

 “They'll likely want to know about you as well,” I reasoned, following her line of thinking. “That will take some explaining - why an Angel helped save a Demon’s life…” Katrina shrugged.

 “I did it because I cared. Simple enough.”

 “Well, it is very much appreciated. By Ciel as well as myself, I'm certain.”

 As if the mere mention of his name had brought him there, the library door opened and in walked my young master. I slid my chair back and stood.

 “It's your day off. Don't get up on my account,” Ciel said. “If the two of you are finished catching up for the time being, perhaps we can have a look at the letter over a fresh pot of tea?”

 “Certainly,” Katrina responded. No sooner had she spoken than Tanaka arrived to collect the breakfast things and replace them with a fresh serving of tea for the three of us. I pulled out the chair to my right for Ciel before sitting back down myself after seeing that he was seated comfortably. Tanaka poured the tea for all three of us and then quietly left the room. Ciel took an envelope from an inside jacket pocket and laid it on the table between us.

 I couldn't suppress a shiver as I looked at it lying there - the creamy coloured paper stained with the darkly dried crimson of my blood. Was it really only yesterday that it happened? Remembering the details brought an ache to my shoulder and side. The faint scent of my blood on the envelope made my stomach clench at the memory of the other Fallen tucking it into my coat as he left me on the manor steps. Left me to die, broken and bleeding in the rain…

 “Sebastian?” Ciel said softly, bringing me back to the present, away from the memory of him coming undone upon seeing me there, drenched and bloody. I shivered again, trying to shake off the unease.

 “Yes, young master?” I managed to answer.

 “Are you alright?”

 “Fine, my lord. It just...I didn't realise so much of my blood had gotten on it.”

 “The rain certainly didn't help, either,” Katrina said.

 “I hope it's still legible,” I responded.

 “Only one way to find out,” Ciel said as he picked up the envelope, carefully broke the seal, and removed the letter.

 It didn't look promising at first. The rain and my blood had penetrated the envelope and stained the paper that Ciel pulled from inside. But then he unfolded it.

 “That bastard…” Ciel's shaky whisper still carried the intensity of his fury.

 The cult leader had covered the actual letter with an extra page; the outer piece of paper - heavier than the letter itself - was blank, serving as a buffer between my blood, which he knew would soak through the envelope, and his message. And  **_that_ ** was a message unto itself.

 He had intended for me to die. I was not meant to survive, and all Ciel would have been left with was this - a pristine letter wrapped in paper stained with the blood of yet another person he cared about whose death this man had orchestrated. 

 Ciel's hands were trembling. I reached over and took the letter from his grasp, placing it on the table. Then I gently took his shaking hands in my gloved ones.

 “Young master,” I spoke softly, trying to ease his obvious distress. My being so badly injured had definitely traumatised him more than he wanted to show. We were both being haunted by things this incident was forcing us to remember - things we'd both in all likelihood rather forget. I tightened my hold on his hands ever so slightly, trying to both still their trembling and to get Ciel to focus. He looked away from the blood-stained papers on the table and up at me, trying not to cry. I could see how upset and angry he was in his gaze.

 “He will  **_pay_ ** for this…” Ciel said through clenched teeth. 

 “Yes,” I agreed quietly, rubbing the backs of Ciel's hands with my thumbs. “I am still, as always, your loyal servant, young master. I am still here, by your side. We will catch him, and he will pay for everything he has done.”

 “Including what he did to  **_you_ ** .” Eyes widened slightly in shock, I stared at Ciel. “My parents, my dog, myself...and  **_you_ ** . He'll pay for all of it. I will make certain he will  **_never_ ** be able to hurt anyone else. I swear it.”

 There it was. That infuriatingly admirable ability to mix feelings and agendas. He wanted revenge but in gaining that he would also be ensuring that others did not suffer the way he had. A kindness wrapped in the cloak of vengeance. A bloody vendetta with a noble outcome. Still treading that fine line between the light and the dark…

 My eyes briefly betrayed the slight spike of my Hunger, but I managed to rein it in. Not before both Ciel and Katrina noticed it, though. I heard Katrina's slight intake of breath upon seeing my eyes change - this being the first time she had seen it. Ciel squeezed my hands and I closed my eyes for just a second, opening them to show them returned to their normal ruby colouration.

 “And I will be there to help you keep that promise.”

 “Until the very end?”

 I inclined my head towards him. “Yes, my lord.” Raising my head to look at Ciel, I continued quietly, “Shall we see what information can be gleaned from the letter?” Ciel swallowed, then nodded. He and Katrina watched as I picked the letter from its blood-stained wrapping, unfolded it and laid it out on the table for the three of us to read.

 The handwriting was an incredibly neat, bold, sweeping script. Perfectly straight across the page, it bespoke of tight control, despite its ostentatious flourishes. 

 One can tell a great deal about someone's personality by analysing their handwriting, if one knows what to look for. This writing style told me straightaway that this man was used to getting his way - confident, bordering on a dangerous level of arrogance combined with a need to control everything around him. Educated, wealthy, entitled, and with a craving for power. A bully, to oversimplify things, but in the worst way. A sadistic soul who enjoyed toying with those he wished to have control over. His bold yet fancy writing contained tightly in perfect lines on a clean white page in combination with what I had personally observed told me this man was a foe to be reckoned with. 

 The content of the letter only served to thoroughly drive that point home. And this bully’s primary target was the house of Phantomhive - my young master.

 “To the Right Honourable Earl Ciel Phantomhive,

 Greetings. I trust that my letter has indeed reached you, since I saw fit to entrust it to your most reliable butler. I do hope he lived long enough to see it delivered himself. I am certain it would have distressed him deeply to have failed to do so.

 As I am sure you are aware by now, the little ‘game’ between our respective ‘houses’ has been going on for quite some time now. Generations, to be precise. And I have absolutely no intention of quitting or losing. As the Queen’s loyal ‘Guard Dog’ and an avid player of such games yourself, I am going to assume you feel the same. Now that your most valuable asset has been removed from the game and you yourself being given the ‘gift’ my Servant bestowed upon you, what will your next move be, I wonder? Will you crumble without the support of your devilishly gifted manservant? Or will you rise to the challenge and be a worthy opponent? Only time will tell, I suppose. 

 Rest assured, we will be watching, eagerly anticipating the next action you take. The game begins anew!”

 The three of us finished at nearly the same time. There was no signature to the letter, per sé. Just another seal that matched the one that had held the envelope closed. Ciel shuddered visibly upon examining it more closely.

 It was a variation of the mark they had branded him with. Subtle differences, but essentially the same. Our first real clue, even though it wasn't much to go on. I cleared my throat softly before voicing my observation. 

 “It would appear, then, that each member of this group is given their own version of the same sigil with just enough variance to differentiate them from each other,” I said.

 “So this is similar to the mark they branded you with, Ciel?” Katrina asked as gently as she could.

 “Yes,” Ciel answered. 

 “Hmm…” Katrina looked thoughtful as she took the letter in her hands to examine the seal more closely. “May I send a copy of this mark to someone I know who may be able to be of assistance?” she inquired softly.

 “You've noticed something?” I asked.

 “Just a hunch, really,” she replied. “It could be nothing…”

 “Send it,” Ciel said, his tone soft but determined. “We need any help we can get to stop this lunatic.”

 “I shall see to it as soon as possible,” Katrina assured him.

 “In the meantime, is there anywhere else we can look to try to identify this group? They have left us with so little to go on so far, except to tell us this rivalry goes back many years,” I said.

 Ciel tapped a finger on the tabletop, thinking. “There might be…” he said, “but it will mean some serious digging.” He looked up at me, then pointed straight up towards the ceiling.

 “Ah,” I sighed, realising where he meant. “Yes, young master. That will indeed require quite the effort.”

 Turning to Katrina who was looking a bit confused, Ciel lowered his hand and explained. “When the manor burned three years ago, nearly everything was lost. If the fire didn't destroy it, the smoke and ash did. Whatever could be salvaged was carefully packed into trunks and crates. Once the manor was rebuilt, which took about a year, the items were brought back from the warehouse where I had them stored and placed in the attic. We've been slowly going through things and putting them back in their proper places. There are only a few crates left, but these were marked to be left for last, because the items inside are significantly damaged and need to be handled with extreme care.”

 “Finny is doing much better with his control of that strength of his,” I responded thoughtfully. “Might I suggest that we have him bring the remaining crates here to the library and we can begin going through the contents after lunch?”

 “Excellent idea, Sebastian,” Ciel agreed. Sliding his chair back away from the table, he got up and walked over to the bell-pull to ring for Tanaka.

 “And I will go ahead and send a copy of this seal to the person I mentioned,” Katrina added. “Perhaps between the possibility that he may know something about the seal and whatever we manage to find in those crates…” 

 “We can get closer to solving the mystery of who these people are and what their ultimate goal is,” I finished.

 Tanaka arrived in short order to collect the tea things, and Ciel gave him instructions for lunch.

 “Since the weather has cleared so beautifully, why don't we have a picnic in the gardens?” he suggested. “Since I invited several friends over for dinner and that will be more formal, let's take lunch casually outside.”

 “Very good, young master,” Tanaka replied. 

 “Make enough for everyone,” Ciel added. “We'll make this an afternoon for the whole household. Just have Finny collect the last few ‘special’ crates from the attic and bring them here while the rest of you prepare lunch.”

 “Right away, my lord,” Tanaka said as he left the library. 

 “Now,” Ciel started, turning back to Katrina and me, “shall we take a stroll in the gardens to pick the perfect spot for lunch?”

 We looked at each other, Ciel and I, remembering the memory he'd shared with me of another garden stroll eight years prior. One taken with his parents and my unlikely namesake. I gave him a slight smile and said softly, “Lead the way, young master.” 

 Sometimes the remembering isn't such a bad thing after all.

 


	4. Chapter 4: His Butler, Confessing

Redemption: A Black Butler Story

Chapter 4 - His Butler, Confessing

 

 Ciel's suggestion of a picnic stirred up quite a bit of excitement amongst the rest of the household staff. The prospect of a fun, relaxing afternoon before preparing for guests in the evening seemed to make them quite happy.

 Katrina, Ciel and I headed straight for the gardens via a back door close to the kitchen, so we could hear their enthusiastic reaction to Tanaka's instructions. I couldn't help but sigh and shake my head slightly, which caused Katrina to smile.

 “It doesn't take much to amuse that boisterous lot,” Ciel observed.

 “I don't think I will ever quite understand their behaviour,” I mused as we exited the manor and stepped out into the crisp, clean spring air. There was hardly a cloud left in the sky from yesterday's storm and the sun kept the cool air from feeling too chilly. In short, it was an absolutely gorgeous day.

 “Who wouldn't be at least a little bit excited about the opportunity to spend time outside on a beautiful day like this?” I looked over at Katrina. Leave it to her to be able to put their behaviour in perspective for me.

 “I suppose you're right,” I responded.

 “Especially after yesterday,” Ciel added. “Between the storm and what happened…”

 Katrina picked up where Ciel trailed off. “I am certain this beautiful weather and getting to see Sebastian making a speedy recovery are the reasons they're so happy.”

 “Do you have a particular location in mind, young master?” I inquired as Ciel set off into the gardens behind the estate. My obviously deliberate change of the topic of our conversation had Katrina shaking her head slightly and trying not to smile. ‘She must find my inability to understand certain human behaviours amusing,’ I thought as we continued walking, following Ciel's lead.

 “I do, actually,” he replied. “I haven't been there in a while...I think I feel like visiting it again.”

 I let his cryptic answer stand. Our destination obviously meant something to him, and I understood my young master's behaviour well enough to know that he would disclose things when he was ready. Although our route through the garden was giving me a seriously strong sense of deja vú...and then I realised why.

 If I concentrated I could almost see them - Vincent and Rachael - following Ciel and his wolfhound companion along this very path. My young master's memory of that day replaying in my mind gave me the almost eerie sensation that the three of us were walking in their footsteps, an uncanny mirror image of past events. After treading down the path in silence for a few minutes, we came upon the place where all the paths in the garden converged - a central hub, like a wheel - and Ciel chose a specific path to the right.

 Ah. Now I knew where he was going. I had never been there with him before, although I had been there with Finny to make sure it was properly maintained.

 Each garden path terminated in its own unique circle of carefully cultivated flowers, perfectly trimmed trees, and distinct stonework, statuary or other such outdoor decorations. This particular space, a miniature garden unto itself, held special significance to my young master.

 His father had it created especially for his mother. Upon their marriage and her taking up residence at the Phantomhive Manor, Vincent had gifted Rachael with her own personal space in the gardens in which to enjoy the outdoors while reading, having tea, or whatever else she wanted. When Ciel was small (or rather, small **er** ), she brought him here to spend time with him. It was here, in the shade of the white gazebo, or sitting on a blanket under one of the trees, that he had learned how to read from her patient teaching. This space was indeed special, sacred even, considering the memories my young master associated with it.

 The approach to the gazebo was paved with almost-white stones and trimmed by carefully pruned hedges of holly. It widened at the entrance to the circle where the holly hedge continued in either direction, forming a border around the entire space. At the half-way point between the entry and the gazebo stood a white marble statue surrounded by a circular bed of white roses - Ciel's favourite flower.

 An Angel, hands spread in welcome, her expression one of peace and blessing, she bore a striking resemblance to Rachael Phantomhive. The message was clear: her husband considered his wife to be the very essence of those things and sought to convey those feelings with his gift. It clearly portrayed her traits of grace and kindness.

 Ciel stopped when he reached the statue. Katrina and I stood a respectful distance behind him, giving him a moment to himself. After a few minutes, he took a deep breath to compose himself and turned to face us.

 “I think the gazebo will make a nice location for our lunch,” he said softly. Looking at Katrina he added, “This was my mother's favourite place in the gardens. My father created it for her as a wedding gift.” Gesturing toward the statue he continued, “The statue was modelled after her. I thought you would like to see it.”

 “It's lovely, Ciel, and the garden is beautiful. I can see why it was her favourite place. It's very special.”

 I couldn't help but wonder if my young master's subconscious had picked up something concerning Katrina’s true identity. Wanting to show her an Angel statue because he thought she would appreciate its beauty could be a mere coincidence or he was more sensitive to the otherworldly than I had originally perceived. Or he had developed sensitivity to it due to our Contract or the curse… I sighed. No matter. Only time would tell.

 “Sebastian, the others will need to be informed of the location…” Ciel started.

 “I'll go tell them,” Katrina volunteered. “They may be a bit too...enthusiastic upon seeing Sebastian up and about.”

 “True,” Ciel agreed. “Very well...if you truly don't mind…”

 “Not at all,” Katrina responded. “I shall return shortly.”

 “Thank you,” I told her, “for rescuing me from a potentially awkward situation.” Smiling I added, “ I may have needed healing all over again…”

 Chuckling softly, Katrina answered, “ It's no trouble. I find them delightfully amusing.” Then she turned and began the walk back to the manor, leaving Ciel and me alone. As soon as she was gone, he looked up at me.

 “I assume you know the reason for tonight's dinner.”

 “I have an idea, my lord,” I replied quietly. “You are certain about this?”

 Sighing, he began walking around the statue toward the gazebo. “I'm afraid it's a necessity, considering the situation.”

 Following closely behind him, I inquired, “Who will be joining us this evening?”

 “The staff, obviously,” he began. “I've considered it carefully, and decided on Prince Soma and Agni, Lau and Ran-Mao, Detective Abberline, and Elizabeth.”

 Only those he truly trusted and wanted made aware of the threat imposed by the cult and other Fallen. Those who also knew me fairly well and had seen us together often enough to not perceive me as threatening towards Ciel. He truly had taken careful consideration about this.

 “Any objections?” he asked when I didn't immediately respond. I shook my head.

 “None. I confess it still makes me a bit nervous, but I trust your judgement, young master.”

 We reached the gazebo and stepped inside. The sun shining through the intricate lattice-work cast lace-like shadows throughout the interior. The structure was surrounded by the same white roses as the Angel statue, their soft scent permeating the air. Ciel took a seat on the bench against the wall to the left. I remained standing just inside the entrance to the right. Ciel looked over at me. “Come sit next to me,” he said. A bit puzzled by this request, I nonetheless walked over and took a seat on the bench to Ciel's left. We sat there in silence for a moment in the peaceful quiet of the garden. Then something happened that you would think I'd be used to by now. My young master surprised me yet again. It seems to be a typical human trait.

 Heaving a deep sigh, Ciel leaned his head against my right arm. I blinked in surprise. “Young master?” This was twice now in the space of two days that he'd been openly affectionate. What he said next eliminated at least some of my confusion.

 “I still miss them sometimes,” Ciel whispered. So that was it...he was thinking about his parents. He didn't often show his grief over their loss, although he still had the occasional nightmare and would ask me to ‘stand guard’ until he was able to go to sleep.

 “I know you do, young master,” I answered softly.

 “But...I still have you, Sebastian.”

 I almost didn't know what to say. Here it was again - that implied notion that he considered me family. “Indeed you do, young master,” I finally replied. Ciel sighed and leaned a bit further into me. I sat still, trying not to disturb him since he obviously seemed comforted somehow by being able to recline against me. He remained in that position until the sound of the others approaching up the path reached his ears (I heard them coming quite a bit before he did) at which point he sat up straight. I stood, but stayed next to him.

 When the others arrived, they didn't immediately see us, due to the statue being directly in between the entrance and the gazebo. Bard and Mey-Rin weren't as familiar with the gardens as Finny, so despite having been employed at the Phantomhive Estate for some time now, they had never been to this particular section of it. Ciel and I listened with no small amount of amusement to their reactions upon seeing it for the first time.

 “Wow...when Katrina told us it was a beautiful place, I still didn't imagine this…” Bard said softly, his tone one of awe.

 “Oooh...it’s very lovely, it is…” Mey-Rin responded. They had stopped in front of the Angel statue. “She looks very...well...familiar, I suppose?” Mey-Rin continued.

 “Yeah,” Bard said thoughtfully, “ she does now that you've said somethin’...”

 “Rachael,” Finny piped up. “She's made to look like Rachael, the Lady Phantomhive - Ciel's mum.”

 “Oh,” Bard and Mey-Rin replied softly.

 “This space was a gift to her - a wedding gift - from Ciel's father, Vincent,” Tanaka chimed in, followed by Katrina.

 “So this place is very special to Ciel. We need to treat it with respect, and be thankful to him for being willing to share it with all of us,” she admonished.

 “Right!” all three of them answered at once.

 “So...where is the young master? And Sebastian?” Finny asked.

 “I bet they're already at the gazebo waiting for us,” Katrina answered. “Just remember that Sebastian is still recovering from his injuries.”

 “Got it,” Finny replied.

 “Poor Sebastian…” Mey-Rin said, sniffing.

 “Get it together, Mey-Rin,” Bard scolded gently. “Katrina patched him up, said he'd be fine. Just like I told ya last night…”

 “Before you started crying, too…” Finny added.

 “Did not!” Bard protested. “I just got somethin’ in my eye…”

 They continued their good-natured teasing as they walked around the statue to head in our direction. I looked at Ciel and found him suppressing a smile and trying not to laugh. As they drew closer and spotted us, he stood and edged his way over to stand slightly in front of me. At first I didn't understand what he was doing. Then it happened.

 “There they are!” (Finny)

 “Young master! Sebastian!” (Mey-Rin)

 “You're really alright!” (Bard)

 Breaking into a sprint, they slid to a stop just shy of the entrance to the gazebo, halted by the fact that my young master was standing between us. Otherwise, I might have been, with all happiness and affection, hugged to death. Ciel managed to calm them down a bit.

 “I realise how excited you all are to see that Sebastian is alright, but could you possibly rein it in a little?”

 “Yes sir,” they answered in unison before trying to talk all at once.

 “We're just so happy to see that you're okay…” Finny said.

 “We were worried, yes we were,” added Mey-Rin, who was trying not to cry.

 “Gave us quite the scare...what the hell happened?” Bard asked.

 Ciel put his hands up in front of him in a ‘calm-down-and-be-quiet’ gesture. “I promise I will explain everything later. The important thing right now is that Sebastian is alright and we're all here together on a beautiful day, having a picnic in my favourite place in the gardens.” Stepping aside from the entrance to the gazebo, he gestured with one hand for them to enter. “Shall we have lunch?”

 Tanaka and Katrina had approached more slowly, coming up behind the others. Everyone was carrying something: Bard and Finny both had baskets of food, Mey-Rin the blankets for us to sit on, Tanaka another basket with plates, glasses and utensils, and Katrina a bottle of wine in each hand.

 “Quite the party you've planned, Tanaka,” I commented as they passed us on their way into the interior of the gazebo.

 “We had to give you a proper ‘get well’ gathering” he replied. “To show how grateful we are that you're still with us, and to show our appreciation to Katrina for taking such good care of you.”

 Touched by the effort they'd gone to, I replied, “You didn't have to go to such lengths…”

 “Phantomhive servants who wouldn't go to such lengths to show how much they care about another valued member of this household wouldn't be worth their salt,” Tanaka responded with a wink and a smile.

 “Truer words were never spoken, Tanaka,” Ciel agreed, looking up at me with a slight grin.

 “Well, then,” I said, “ what kind of butler would I be if I didn't say thank you for your kindness - all of you…” They had paused in their preparations to listen when Tanaka was speaking. “Your care and concern for me is deeply appreciated. Thank you,” I placed my right hand on my chest, “for all you've done.”

 “You're welcome, Sebastian!” all three of them said at once, then they burst out in laughter, obviously finding amusement in their perfectly timed response. It made Katrina smile and Tanaka chuckled, shaking his head. Ciel was grinning, too, and I couldn't help but smile myself.

 Tanaka and those three had come up with quite the picnic. After spreading the blankets to cover the floor of the gazebo, they unpacked the baskets: several kinds of little sandwiches, a large bowl of fresh strawberries, and a lemon meringue pie for dessert. The wine was a nice, crisp chardonnay to compliment the light food and fruit. After everything was set out and Tanaka poured everyone a glass of wine once we got seated, Ciel spoke.

 “I think I speak for everyone present when I say we're so grateful to Katrina for caring for Sebastian. And that her care kept Sebastian here with us.” Everyone nodded in agreement. “So a toast then,” my young master said, raising his glass, “to Katrina and Sebastian...and **_family_ ** …” Everyone raised their glasses. “By blood or not.” Ciel finished.

 “To family,” we all answered before taking a sip of our wine. Then Ciel looked over at Tanaka and nodded. Tanaka nodded back and approached Ciel, handing him a small wooden box. Everyone got quiet as Ciel turned and opening the box, handed it to me.

 My pocket watch. I looked at it, then at Ciel. Setting my glass down on the floor beside me, I took the box from his hands. “The chain was broken,” he said softly. “Tanaka repaired it. I can't have my butler not knowing what time it is...because Heaven forbid dinner be late,” he teased gently with a smile. “You'll be needing it once you've fully recovered.”

 I had to take a moment, swallowing to be able to speak past the sudden tightness in my throat. “Thank you, young master,” I said, carefully removing the watch from its box and slipping the chain toggle through the proper button-hole on my vest and placing the watch in my pocket. Before I could say anything else, Tanaka once again raised his glass.

 “To Sebastian,” he said, “who is one hell of a butler. Things wouldn't be the same around here without you.”

 “To Sebastian,” everyone responded, raising their glasses once again.

 I literally didn't know what to say. I struggled for a moment against both my speechlessness and the tears that were threatening to start before finally managing to speak. “Thank you so much. It means more than I can say.”

 “You're welcome,” Tanaka replied. “Now...shall we eat?”

 I think this was the first time all of us had eaten together. The normal routine was that the servants prepared the young master’s meals, cleaned up afterwards, then we ate in the servants’ dining area in the kitchen. So this picnic was a first for everyone.

 The two things that made me the happiest I had been in a long time were seeing my young master smiling - **_truly_ ** smiling - again, and Katrina's presence. Those two things helped relieve my slight anxiety over what I knew the evening would bring. And even if that relief was only temporary, I made the most of it while it lasted, watching the others enjoy themselves - observing the fascinating (if sometimes confusing) behaviour of the humans that made up this group that my young master considered ‘family.’

 Just thinking about the idea that they included me in that category, and that could change after dinner this very evening disrupted the happy feeling with a hint of sadness. There were those conflicting emotions that I wasn't used to again. I tried to concentrate on everyone else's obvious enjoyment of the occasion to keep the uneasiness at bay. It helped somewhat, but I couldn't entirely shake my nervousness.

 After all, it's not every day that someone you work side-by-side with all the time and have come to trust confesses that they're a Demon…

 When everyone finished eating (Tanaka’s sandwiches and pie were quite tasty) we all pitched in to help pack everything up and take things back to the manor. Only Ciel and myself were forbidden to help carry anything (the young master because he couldn't exactly be expected to, and myself because no one wanted to make someone supposedly recovering from ‘grievous injury’ - thank you, Tanaka - to carry anything either), so we just tagged along listening to the still lively conversation on the way through the gardens to the house.

 Once back at the manor, Ciel, Katrina and I headed for the library, while the others went directly to the kitchens to take care of cleaning up the lunch things and to begin preparations for tonight's dinner.

 There were four crates and trunks of items to go through - one rather large crate labeled ‘books,’ two medium sized ones also labeled as containing books, and a slightly smaller trunk with the label ‘books and personal documents.’ All three of us stood there for a moment looking at the boxes. Finally I asked, “How do you wish to proceed, young master?”

 Ciel was standing next to the trunk with his arms crossed. After a moment's consideration, he said, “ Let's sort them by subject in stacks on the tables first, then on the floor if space becomes an issue.” He walked over to the desk and retrieved some paper and pens. “Use these to label the stacks according to subject - just write the subject at the bottom of a page and start the stack on top of it. Perhaps we should keep a separate space for the most badly damaged ones…”

 “Excellent idea, my lord,” I responded.

 “Well,” he started, removing his jacket and rolling up his sleeves, “pick a crate and let's get started…”

 Following my young master's lead, I too removed my tailcoat, placing it over the back of a chair and rolled up my sleeves, securing them with the garters on the upper arm. Then Katrina and I took the lid off the large crate, leaving the smaller ones to Ciel for the time being.

 It was tedious work. I immediately realised this was going to take quite some time and that it would be a rather messy task. Before we delved in too far, I retrieved gloves for Ciel and Katrina and several tablecloths to protect the surfaces we would be placing the books and other items on.

 Some of the books were fine on the inside - it was the outside that was the issue. A large portion of the library had not actually burned, but the heat and ash had still caused significant damage. Beautiful leatherbound volumes whose covers had warped and cracked from the heat had to be opened with extreme care to even determine title and subject. I added keeping a running list of titles and authors for each stack to our process to make looking for specific things easier later, and to prevent having to handle and open the already fragile volumes any more than necessary. It took longer this way, but would save us quite a bit of time and effort once we started the actual research.

 About two hours into the project, Tanaka brought us afternoon tea and shortbread and we took a break. Katrina and I could have kept going, but Ciel needed recovery time and refreshment, so we joined him at the table. I kept it to myself that my shoulder was aching a little, but I think they knew anyway and were kind enough not to embarrass me by saying anything. Instead, we discussed dinner, Ciel explaining to Katrina who would be attending and why. She listened attentively as he told her about each guest and why they had been chosen.

 “You have some very good friends and allies,” Katrina commented when Ciel finished. “I believe you have made a wise decision to make sure they are fully informed, considering the circumstances.”

 Sighing, my young master replied, “I hope so.” Pausing, he looked up at Katrina. “I haven't asked, because of a promise I made to Sebastian regarding inquiries about his past, so I won't ask you to talk about anything that might reveal things **_he’s_ **  not ready to divulge. But once they know **_what_ ** Sebastian is, they may get curious about you and how your past is connected to his…”

 Katrina nodded. “Sebastian and I discussed that possibility earlier,” she said. “I don't think it will be an issue, but I believe I could give them a satisfactory explanation if necessary without going into any detail.”

 “Excellent,” Ciel responded. “I didn't want to have to explain any more than is needed or risk breaking my promise to Sebastian.”

 The fact that my master's word was never lightly given and that he never gave it without the intention of keeping it was a trait of his that I was very familiar with and admired him for. But this time, it meant a great deal to me personally. Even if the opportunity arose for him to learn something about my past, he had no intention of taking advantage of it, simply because he had made me a promise. I thanked him for his consideration.

 “I would be a rotten master indeed if I broke a promise to any of my servants,” he responded. “I couldn't possibly expect any of you to respect me if my word meant so little.”

 “True. But thank you anyway, young master,” I replied.

 “You're welcome. Now, let's see how much more we can accomplish before dinner.”

 With all three of us helping each other, we got all of the crates emptied of their contents and the items sorted into their respective categories. That left the small trunk for last.

 “We might want to leave that one for tomorrow, my lord,” I suggested, checking my watch. “We need to have time to freshen up before the dinner guests arrive.” Looking at the progress we had made, Ciel nodded in agreement.

 “I think we accomplished quite a bit today,” he said. “Thank you - both of you - for all your help.”

 “You have quite the collection of books,” Katrina commented. “I actually enjoyed going through them.”

 “You are welcome to stay at the Phantomhive Estate for as long as you like,” Ciel said. “Feel free to make use of the library. It's obvious you appreciate the value of the books and know how to take care of them.”

 “Thank you, Ciel. I will continue to assist you and Sebastian in any way I can.”

 After some last minute tidying up so that we could easily pick up where we left off, each of us left the library for our own rooms to get ready for dinner.

 Left alone with my thoughts for the first time since that morning, I found myself feeling a strange sense of unease that I was unaccustomed to. I wasn't in the habit of revealing my true nature to many people, or of worrying about what they might think of me once they knew. And yet here I was, confronted suddenly with both.

 I tried not to think about it as I changed into a clean set of clothes for dinner after washing off the dust and grime from the day's work in the library. Worrying was pointless, I kept telling myself. But my mind kept going in circles. I **_did_ ** care what this particular group of humans thought. I would be lying to myself if I tried to deny it.

 I attempted to take some comfort in the fact that my young master, despite his youth, tended to be an excellent judge of character. He could be cynical and his outlook could be a bit jaded - both due to what he had experienced in his short life thus far - but he had an uncanny ability to determine a person's trustworthy nature with frightening accuracy. Or the opposite. He could smell a liar a mile away. In his line of work, that was a skill worth having. So I tried to let that knowledge take the edge off of my anxiety - that my master chose this group of people with his ability to ascertain to a certain degree how they would take things beforehand. If I trusted his judgement - and I did - then I shouldn't let this bother me.

 Easier said than done. ‘Must be **_my_ ** cynical, jaded nature,’ I thought. ‘I have a hard time seeing the good in people and in trusting them...but this small group seems to be changing that…’ Sighing, I pulled on a clean pair of gloves and left my quarters to head for the grand foyer of the manor. Even if my young master had given me the day off from my actual duties, I felt it would be rude of me to not be present to at least greet our guests as they arrived.

 I arrived just in time to take my place by Ciel’s side as Tanaka opened the door to admit the first of our guests.

 “Inspector Abberline,” Tanaka said, holding the door open for our friend from Scotland Yard. “Welcome to the Phantomhive Estate.”

 “Thank you, Tanaka," Abberline replied. “It will be good to see Ciel again - it's been too long…” he paused, spotting the young master where he stood at the bottom of the grand staircase. “Ah! There he is!” Smiling with genuine affection, Abberline approached us. Ciel reached out to shake the inspector’s hand.

 “Abberline,” my young master said, “It's good to see you - especially since it doesn't involve ‘the usual’ this time.”

 “How very true,” Abberline responded. “I must admit, I was a bit surprised by your invitation. Pleasantly so, of course!”

 Returning Abberline’s smile, Ciel said, “I am glad to hear it.”

 “Greetings, my young lord!” came a voice from the doorway - a voice with a softly lilting Asian tone. Abberline, Ciel and myself all looked toward the entrance to see Lau entering with Ran-Mao on his arm. Ciel shook his head slightly, chuckling softly in amusement as Abberline blushed slightly at the sight of Ran-Mao’s well endowed, leggy figure - her short Chinese dress hugging her curves and leaving little to the imagination. Appearances in this case were **_very_ ** deceiving. Ran-Mao was actually Lau’s bodyguard - crossing her, I am fairly certain, had been the last mistake of more men than one would likely believe.

 “Hello, Lau,” Ciel answered.

 “Imagine my surprise when we received your gracious invitation to dinner! I just couldn't resist the opportunity to see what my favourite Earl has in store for us this evening. Isn't that right, Ran-Mao?”

 Ran-Mao merely nodded in agreement. Ciel was wearing an expression that nearly betrayed his desire to roll his eyes and put a hand over his face in a combination of amusement and exasperation. I too, found myself restraining the urge to smirk. It was a lucky thing for both of us that the next three guests arrived simultaneously. We could hear them conversing as they approached the open door and were greeted by Tanaka.

 “Ladies first - I insist,” a voice with an Indian accent said.

 “Why, thank you, Agni! You're so sweet!”  came the answering voice of a young lady.

 “It is no trouble at all, Lady Elizabeth! Agni is a most considerate khansama, always looking out for other’s needs first,” piped up another Indian voice.

 Prince Soma and his butler - or khansama in their native tongue - had become good friends of ours during a case the young master and I had worked on nearly a year ago. Indeed, Agni was the first human to ever refer to me as a friend. Prince Soma’s exuberant, optimistic personality was nearly the exact opposite of Ciel’s, so they tended to annoy one another on occasion, but despite their butting heads over silly things, they truly are friends. The prince and his butler are very loyal, trustworthy friends at that. I only hoped that wouldn't change once they knew what I was.

 Lady Elizabeth Midford is a distant relative but very close friend of my young master's. Their families, I believe, once considered betrothing them, even though Lady Elizabeth - or Lizzie as she insists on Ciel calling her - is one year older. According to Tanaka, they decided to leave things be and see if the two were inclined to fall in love on their own. There is definitely affection between these two childhood friends, even though her obsession with ‘cute and adorable’ things drives Ciel mad from time to time.

 After receiving enthusiastic greetings - hugs included - from both Elizabeth and Soma, Ciel had Tanaka show everyone to the dining room. Then he held back for a quick word with me before moving to join the others.

 “I know that sitting with everyone else will make you feel out-of-place and uncomfortable,” my young master began. “So I've instructed Tanaka and Mey-Rin to serve everyone else and I know Agni will want to help. You can stick close and observe them while serving me. Will that satisfy your ‘butler aesthetic’?” he asked with a slight smile.

 Smiling back, I answered, “Yes, my lord. Your consideration for my feelings is most appreciated.”

 His smile turning into more of a smirk, he replied, “I can't very well have my butler sitting down on the job in front of all of these guests, can I? I'm merely taking your recovery from your injuries into consideration.”

 Always with the verbal sparring. I knew his reasons were out of concern for both my feelings **_and_ ** my injuries. But he had this need sometimes to appear more tough and detached than he really was. Part of his ‘hide vulnerability’ aesthetic. He knew I could see through it, and that I knew he knew. It was a game we'd always played - calling the other's bluff without actually calling it.

 “Shall we join the others for dinner now, my lord?” I asked, returning his smirk with one of my own.

 “Yes, of course.”

 As it turned out, Tanaka had prepared quite the treat for everyone.

 Japanese cuisine.

 Tanaka’s father was a British merchant. He met his wife during his travels to Japan, and she and her father had come back to England with him, since her mother was deceased and she was an only child. Tanaka had learned the Japanese language and cooking skills from his mother, and all of his ‘other’ knowledge and skills from his grandfather. Everything British he learned from his father.

 This evening he had definitely put his extensive knowledge of Japanese cooking to good use. There were several types of sushi, rice balls, soba noodles with vegetables, chicken and shrimp in different sauces with rice, and both saki and plum wine to drink.

 I must say, it made for quite an entertaining dinner, watching those who knew how to eat with chopsticks attempting to teach those who did not. Ciel was being quite the gentleman, showing Elizabeth how to use them, while Lau took on teaching Prince Soma, and Ran-Mao had poor Inspector Abberline all flustered with her up-close-and-personal assistance. In the end everyone got proficient enough and had a good time getting to know one another in the process. It made me wonder if that was Tanaka's intention all along.

 The only pause in the festivities came when Agni noticed how close I was staying to Ciel and inquired if everything was alright. My young master explained that he had me on ‘light duty’ due to recent injury, but that I was making swift recovery. This resulted in a flurry of concerned questions, to which he replied that he would explain later, and I had to reassure everyone that I was healing quickly and felt fine. Once again, I was left feeling baffled and astonished at the level of concern and affection I was receiving and renewed anxiety over how they would react once Ciel and I told them everything…

 Katrina's presence became the calm eye in the center of the storm. Sitting to my young master's left, she was close enough to occasionally catch my eye and give me a reassuring smile. It was also entertaining to watch her observing and getting to know everyone else.

 After dinner, Tanaka impressed everyone even further by serving several traditional Japanese desserts. (How he managed to get Bard to help make them without burning things will forever remain a mystery.) There was a plate of Ichigo Daifuku (a creative use of the remainder of the fresh strawberries left over from our picnic lunch), another of Sakuramochi (made with cherry blossoms and leaves from the one cherry tree in the estate’s greenhouse), and beautiful little Namagashi made to look like cherry blossoms. Elizabeth declared everything nearly ‘too cute’ to eat, which made everyone laugh before proceeding to eat it anyway.

 Once dessert was finished, everyone moved to the drawing room for tea and conversation. Tanaka and I took turns checking in on the young master and our guests while the others cleaned everything up, then we took our dinner in the servants’ dining area right off the kitchen. Then Tanaka and I went back to the drawing room, having instructed the others to join us there once clean-up was complete. They seemed a little confused by this and by the fact that Tanaka and I were taking more tea and extra cups with us, but they didn't question it.

 Tanaka walked beside me as I pushed the serving cart down the corridor and approached the drawing room door. We could hear muffled conversation and laughter through the closed door. I paused with my hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath. Before I could turn the knob, Tanaka put a hand on my arm, stopping me from opening the door. Turning my head, I found him looking at me rather intently.

 “I know that you're anxious,” he said gently. “Just remember this. No matter what happens, **_you are my friend_ ** \- and one hell of a butler.” Letting go of my arm, he stepped back to allow me to open the door.

 “Thank you, Tanaka,” I whispered. I had no other words with which to express my gratitude for his kindness and support. He simply smiled and nodded. Taking one last deep breath, I opened the door.

 Everyone was seated on the couches and chairs around the low table close to the fireplace. There were enough lamps lit to give adequate illumination without being too bright; allowing most of the light to come from the fireplace gave the room a cozy, comfortable feeling. All of those present were happy and relaxed in one another's company, which was exactly what my young master was hoping for before beginning his - rather, **_our_ ** \- tale.

 Once Bard, Mey-Rin and Finny arrived and everyone was settled with fresh tea, an almost expectant hush fell over the room as if we were all waiting for something. As if everyone somehow knew there was a reason behind this little gathering. After a brief moment, my young master cleared his throat softly and spoke.

 “I want to thank all of you for coming this evening. It gives me great pleasure to be surrounded by those whose company I enjoy, and those in whom I have such trust and friendship.” He paused. “In case there was any doubt, there is a reason I wanted to have all of us together. There are things that, as my friends and those I would confide in, I wish for you to know and understand. It's quite the tale, but if you would honour me with your time and patience to hear it, I would be most grateful.”

 My young master had the undivided attention of everyone in the room. It was Abberline who spoke first.

 “I think I speak for everyone here when I say it is **_we_ ** who feel honoured that you would trust **_us_ ** with whatever is so important that you wished for all of us to know.” There were nods of agreement from all present.

 “Whatever you have to tell us, Ciel, you can be assured that your trust in us is not misplaced,” Prince Soma added.

 Looking around at everyone present, Ciel sighed. “Very well, then. I suppose I should start at the very beginning so that you all understand how and why things have transpired as they have…”

 My young master began by giving a brief history of the Phantomhives and their duties. He explained the role his family had played in protecting people from things they likely never knew they needed protecting from, and how that had likely led to his parents’ murder and what had happened to him.

 He didn't go into great detail about that night. Even so, I could tell that just talking about it at all affected him. His tone became quiet and he spoke with great care and control in an attempt to avoid becoming emotional. There wasn't a dry eye in the room by the time he got to Scotland Yard’s raid of the site and his rescue by Abberline.

 Then came the telling of my Summoning.

 I would be lying indeed if I said I wasn't nervous. But my young master proved himself to be quite the accomplished storyteller. He managed to tell the entire tale without once mentioning me by name, and ending it with the sealing of our Contract. Transitioning from there to me replacing Tanaka as head butler, and, like he had done with Katrina, a brief synopsis of what had been going on since then - our investigations up until now. And the incident that led to my injury.

 He tread very carefully here. But he didn't lie or deliberately hide anything. Explaining the curse and how Katrina healed me was tricky, but he managed to do it still without giving away my true identity. By now, I had inferred what my young master was doing. In downplaying the presence of a ‘demon’ and concentrating on his relationship with me, he was softening the blow, so-to-speak. Making the presence of the ‘demon’ less threatening and my presence a protective and comforting one. I only hoped his tactic would be effective enough.

 When he finished, there was a moment of silence as everyone attempted to absorb Ciel's story and make sense of it. Once again, it was Abberline who spoke first.

 “I know you to be a person of strength and integrity, Ciel,” Abberline started. “So I know, as incredible as your story is, that it is the truth. And if there is anything I can do to help in capturing these cult members or protecting you, all you have to do is ask.”

 “Thank you, Inspector,” Ciel responded.

 “But I have to ask,” Abberline continued, “you implied that this ‘demon’ you accidentally summoned us always around, always with you, providing assistance. So where is this entity? Hiding? Invisible?”

 My young master smiled softly and shook his head. “Hardly. But he is always close at hand, there when I need him; right, Sebastian?” He looked at me then, as if to let me know everything was alright. I gave him a smile in return.

 “Yes, my lord,” I responded quietly.

 “So **_that's_ ** it, then,” Lau whispered.

 Agni’s eyes widened slightly. “Surely, you don't mean to say that…”

 “I told you all that the Contract had a Seal, did I not?” my young master said. Everyone nodded. “Well, here is mine,” he continued, carefully removing his eyepatch and opening his right eye, receiving a collective gasp from several people.

 “Oh, Ciel!” Elizabeth said. “So that's why you wear it!” Ciel nodded. From my place standing next to his chair, I quietly slipped the glove off of my left hand as my young master turned to look up at me.

 “And here is mine,” I said softly, placing my left hand on my chest and looking back down at Ciel.

 “Sebastian?” Finny gasped, his tone one of complete shock and disbelief.

 “I can't believe it…” Mey-Rin added.

 “All this time and we had no idea…” Bard mused aloud.

 I felt my heart sink. ‘Here it comes,’ I thought. ‘They will never see me as family again.’ It hit me harder than I expected, the fear of losing that connection with them after its absence in my life for so long. I suddenly realised how much I would miss it if it were gone.

 Feeling those shameful tears threatening to start, I turned away from everyone to face the fireplace. There, on the mantle, was a picture in a frame of all of us - the Phantomhive household - on the front steps of the manor, Ciel in the center, myself slightly behind him to his left, with the others flanking us on each side. Just what I needed to see right now - a blatant reminder of what I could be losing.

 “Sebastian?” my young master said, his tone soft and filled with concern. It took such an effort for me to speak.

 “I'll understand if there are those of you who are angry and don't wish to consider me as someone worthy of your trust or friendship anymore,” I said, barely managing to keep my voice above a whisper. It was embarrassing enough that it still shook slightly. “I won't hold it against any of you…” Unable to finish voicing that thought, I covered my face with my left hand and closed my eyes, trying to hide both the tears and the pain.

 The room went quiet. Then I was startled by someone gently taking hold of my left arm. Lowering my hand and looking up I found - to my complete surprise - Agni standing next to me.

 “When you told me a year ago that I was the first person to ever call you friend, I thought to myself, how can this be? For you are a wonderful khansama to Master Ciel, and the entire household respects you.” Agni paused, making sure I was really listening to him. “Did you think that we would think so little of that friendship that it could be so easily cast aside? Revoked just because of your origin? Because you are different?” I must have looked rather shocked, because Agni continued pressing his point. “You have done nothing whatsoever to give us cause to withdraw our friendship. In fact, it seems to me that of all the people in this room, it is you who needs friendship the most.”

 I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Especially from Agni, who prayed to the Hindu deity Kali, who according to their faith, slew a demon and carried its severed head. Yet here he was, first to defend our friendship and try to reassure me. Before I could react Agni moved his hand from my arm to the top of my shoulder, his grip firm but gentle.

 “Don't you see, Sebastian,” he said softly, looking me directly in the eye, “it's **_who_ ** you are, not **_what_ ** you are, that matters.”

 His echoing of Katrina's words from earlier nearly undid me. I quickly wiped my eyes, trying to maintain my composure. “I don't understand…” I managed to say.

 “Well it's really simple, ain't it?” Bard chimed in. “We don't care about **_that_ ** ‘cuz you've always done right by us, even when we've messed things up good, right guys?”

 I looked over at them, standing close to each other beside the chair on the other side of the fireplace where Inspector Abberline was sitting. Mey-Rin and Finny were nodding in agreement with Bard.

 “But...the real reason I hired all three of you…” I started before Finny cut me off.

 “Is to protect the young master,” he said.

 “We knew that, yes we did,” Mey-Rin added.

 Shaking my head I tried to explain, to confess my true motive. “It wasn't for the reason you think…”

 “Does that really matter **_now_ **?” Lau interjected. “Motives and reasons aren't permanent things. They're transient and malleable concepts that can change over time.”

 And it's pretty obvious to everyone here, I think, that you truly care about Ciel,” Abberline added. “That's not something easily faked.”

 “Look at what you were willing to do for Ciel,” Prince Soma spoke up. “You risked much to try to free him from the other demon’s curse.”

 “And if that doesn't prove you care, then I don't know what does,” Lady Elizabeth said in response. “To think you were willing to put yourself in danger to help Ciel…” she trailed off, tearing up and sniffing.

 Speechless, I stood there for a moment trying to collect my thoughts and feelings enough to respond. Looking around at everyone, at a loss for words, I made eye contact with Katrina. She was smiling that gentle smile that said ‘See? I told you things would be alright…’ Tanaka was smiling, too, as if he'd known all along what the result of this would be. I swallowed in order to be able to speak past the tightness in my throat.

 “This is definitely not what I expected,” I began. “I obviously have much to learn about how friendship works and I am beyond grateful to have friends like all of you.” Pausing to make sure I had my emotions in check, I took a deep breath before continuing. “I was almost certain that once I revealed my true identity, I would lose the relationships I've developed with all of you. I thoroughly underestimated your capacity for acceptance and compassion, and for that I apologise. My prior experience with most humans had not led me to expect this. I am deeply touched by your willingness to look past my origin and remain my friends. Thank you, for allowing me a second chance.”

 “What are friends for, eh?” Bard replied.

 “You helped all of us,” Finny added. Mey-Rin nodded in agreement.

 I looked down at Ciel. He was looking up at me with an ‘I-told-you-so’ grin on his face. I couldn't help but smile back.

 “So...just how **_old_ ** are you, then?” Lau asked. That got a laugh from the whole group.

 “And now we know how you get everything done so bloody well...and **_fast_ **!” Bard teased. I shrugged.

 “A Phantomhive butler who can't perform his duties quickly and efficiently…”

 “Isn't worth his salt!” all three of them finished for me, drawing another round of laughter from everyone.

 After a little more light-hearted conversation, the evening began to wind down, the party drawing to a close. I received affectionate handshakes and hugs from everyone as they prepared to leave, which had me becoming quite choked up again by the end.

 Once everyone has left, I helped the others gather all of the tea things and we finished the clean-up of the kitchen. Then I reported back to my young master. He was in the drawing room, holding the picture from the mantle, looking at it with a soft smile. Stretching up on his toes to reach, he carefully placed it back in its space, then he turned to me.

 “Well, that went better than you expected, yes?”

 “Yes, my lord,” I replied. “It did indeed.”

 “It's been a long day. Time to retire, I think.”

 “What do you wish for me to do, young master?” I asked.

 “Are you feeling up to the task of helping me prepare for bed?”

 “I believe i can handle that, my lord.”

 “Very well, then.”

 After the events of the past two days, it was a relief to settle back into doing something that was part of my every day routine. The reassurance of tending to my young master's needs because he trusted me to do so was something I hadn't realised I needed until now. The end of the day was when he was at his most relaxed **_and_ ** his most vulnerable, and the fact that he trusted me to be this close…

 We were both quiet - lost in our own thoughts - as I helped him bathe and dress for bed. As I was tucking him into bed, he finally spoke.

 “Will you stay...until I fall asleep?”

 “If that is what you wish, young master,” I answered.

 And here, I have another confession to make. I have come to treasure these moments, when my young master shows his soft side, when he genuinely **_wants_ ** my company because he trusts me.

 “I do,” he replied. “Sebastian?”

 “Yes, my lord?”

 “I'm still glad you're here,” he whispered.

 Smiling, I replied softly, “So am I young master. So am I.”

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5: His Butler, Reacquainted

Redemption: A Black Butler Story

Chapter 5 - His Butler, Reacquainted 

  


 Once my young master was peacefully sleeping, I stepped outside his quarters and softly closed the door behind me. Turning to make my way down the corridor - on my way to check that the manor was secure for the night - I found Katrina standing just outside the door to her room down the hall, waiting for me.

 “I thought I would find you here,” she said quietly. “Is everything alright?”

 “I believe so,” I replied. “My young master is prone to the occasional nightmare. Sometimes he asks me to stay in the room until he drifts off. He is sleeping now. I was about to make my final rounds before turning in myself.” I paused and looked at Katrina. “Would you care to accompany me?” I'm not entirely sure why I asked, except that she seemed as if she wanted to talk to me and for some reason I couldn't quite fathom I wasn't ready to be alone just yet.

 “Certainly,” she answered, “ if you're sure you don't mind my tagging along.”

 “Not at all.”

 Smiling she replied, “Lead the way.”

 Between my candlestick and her small lamp, we had ample light to see our way through the darkened corridors of the Phantomhive manor. I made my way to the kitchens first to ensure that the silver was locked away safely in the drawers and cabinet it was kept in. From there, I took my standard route from door to door, making certain that each one that led outside was securely locked.

 As we walked through the house, I told her a bit more about the Phantomhive family and about the house. Once I was finished securing the manor, Katrina asked me a question.

 “Would it be possible for the two of us to sit and talk for a little while?”

 “Certainly. As long as you don't mind doing so in the kitchen,” I responded.

 “That's fine.”

 “Tea?”

 “Sounds lovely.”

 We headed back to the kitchen, and she sat at the table where the servants ate while I prepared a fresh pot of tea. “So what did you wish to talk to me about?” I inquired while the tea steeped.

 “I went to my room while you were helping Ciel prepare for bed,” she replied. “I got a response to my messages from earlier.”

 “Oh? Anything interesting or helpful?”

 “Maybe.” She looked at me. “You should know first that it's Danyael I've been contacting. He and Nathan have been my only real and constant support through everything.”

 I nodded. “I had a feeling it was him,” I said.

 “You did?”

 “Yes.” I fidgeted with the tea pot, then carefully filled her cup before sitting down across from her. Then I filled my own cup and sat there staring into the amber coloured liquid for a moment trying to decide what to say. I took a sip of the tea, then asked, “Did he not tell you?”

 “Tell me what?”

 Well that answered my question. It was just like him, too. Keeping his word all these years and never saying anything about it. I looked up at Katrina with a sad smile. 

 “We talked... **_that day_ ** ...before…” I couldn't bring myself to say it.

 “Before the Council's judgment?” she asked gently.

 “Yes. I...I asked him to look after you,” I said softly. “And he promised me he would…”

 “Oh, Sebastian,” Katrina whispered, setting her own cup down and reaching across the table to lay her hand on my arm. I sniffed, then kept going.

 “Not that you aren't capable of taking care of yourself, but I knew you'd be upset and need someone you could rely on after…”

 Shaking her head and squeezing my arm she interrupted me. “You don't have to explain. I understand, Sebastian. It's alright.”

 We sat there in silence for a moment, Katrina gently rubbing my arm and giving me time to pull myself together. Then I asked quietly, “ So, what did he have to say?”

 “He said the dagger was going to take some more time to research. But the seal on the letter yielded some clues.”

 “Such as?”

 “He thinks they are likely the remnants of an ancient secret society called ‘Tenebris Legio.’” 

 “‘The Dark Legion,’” I said. “What is their purpose? Their ideology?”

 “They began as an actual cult, following a leader who was supposedly in a Contract with a Fallen. It makes sense - haven't you noticed how they identify themselves? No names, they only use…”

“A mark…” I whispered. The realisation hit me like a slap in the face. I pulled off my left glove and laid my hand on the table. “Their very organisation is patterned after the marking of the Fallen…”

 “Well, this particular Fallen found a way to never go hungry,” Katrina explained. “When the leader of the group dies, the new leader becomes his next Contract. In return he protects them, gives them what they want - power, wealth, etcetera.” 

 “So at this point, they don't actually ‘worship’ this Fallen, they just follow the one he holds the Contract with.” I said.

 “And the leader uses his power and influence to ‘help’ them. But the help comes with a price tag.”

 “Doesn't it always?” I scoffed.

 “In this case, it's membership dues and being willing to do whatever it takes to obtain wealth and power.  **_That's_ ** what they really ‘worship.’ It's all very materialistic and pleasure driven. Sure, the leader will help - but then they  **_owe_ ** him for that help.”

 “Sounds familiar,” I replied, my tone a bit on the sarcastic side. Katrina caught it and gave me a look full of sympathy.

 “You are nothing like this Fallen, Sebastian.”

 “I told you before, I've done some awful things…”

 “Like helping humans get away with human trafficking? Selling children?”

 “Well, no, but…”

 “Raising some of those children as  **_slaves_ ** to serve the members’ every whim? Branding them and using them against their will?” she continued. “Brainwashing them until they will kill themselves rather than reveal the society's secrets?”

 Sighing, I conceded. “I think you've made your point,” I said.

 “Good,” Katrina responded. “Because this Fallen is likely one of the ones you spoke of earlier - one who either drifted away from the ‘honourable Contract’ aesthetic or never had the inclination to begin with. One of the truly evil ones.”

 “That is certainly a possibility,” I agreed.

 “Then please, don't compare yourself to the ones like him. Because it is glaringly obvious to anyone who knows you at all that there is no basis for comparison there.”

 I sighed again. Katrina was definitely right where this was concerned. As many things as I had done in service to previous masters, there had been lines I was unwilling to cross. Still were. But then again, because of my finicky taste in Contracts, I had rarely been asked to. And if it had come close, I had always asked, “Are you certain?”, and had been able to avoid doing so by offering an alternative course of action. Other Fallen who didn't deign to do so would have no compunction about following their master's orders without hesitation, no matter how cruel those orders were. So she was right. The only thing I really had in common with this Fallen was that we were both Fallen. There the similarity ended.

 Somehow, I found that comforting. “Thank you,” I told her. “I think I needed to hear that. I tend to forget, since I have no contact with other Fallen, that not all of us treat our Contracts the same way. I need to learn to deal with my own guilt over the things I did without comparing them to the acts of other Fallen who obviously don't feel the same way I do. I suppose that in addition to having a difficult time seeing the good in others, I also have difficulty seeing it in myself. I think because of that I have a tendency to see the bad things I've done more readily than the good things. And the whole ‘feeling guilt’ thing is still new and confusing.”

 “I understand,” Katrina said, giving my arm another gentle squeeze before letting go. “If you are ever confused or upset about anything, please don't hesitate to come to me to talk it out. I will do my best to help you make sense of what you're feeling.”

 “I appreciate that,” I said. “But back to the matter at hand...did Danyael learn anything else about this group? Such as where they tend to hold gatherings? How many are left? Which Fallen they and their leader follow?”

 “They tend to gather wherever it is convenient at the time,” Katrina explained. “If they can find a place that's been abandoned for a long time that's not likely to attract attention - like where they took Ciel, for example - they alter it to suit their needs until such time as they need to - or are forced to - relocate.”

 “Well, they must have been using that location for quite some time,” I said. “That chamber with the altar and the carvings on the floor - that took some effort.”

 “Unless the Fallen aided them in setting it up,” Katrina pointed out.

 “I hadn't considered that,” I replied. “That would mean they could relocate the entire thing without much effort at all…”

 “Depending on how powerful this Fallen is,” she added.

 “They could be anywhere,” I stated in a slightly exasperated tone.

 “We’ll find them and put an end to what they're doing,” Katrina assured me. “I think the most effective way to flush them out of hiding is to do nothing for now.”

 “But the letter said they're waiting on our next move,” I replied.

 “What if your next move is to do absolutely nothing? Just give them time to get anxious while waiting to see what you'll do, and wait on their curiosity to get the better of them.”

 “Then they'll come to us…” I said softly.

 “And find out that  **_you_ ** didn't  **_die_ ** …”

 I couldn't keep from smirking, imagining the expression of shock on that arrogant bastard’s face - even though I'd never actually seen it. 

 “You know,” I said, taking a sip of my tea, “you're quite devious for an Angel.”

 Smiling mischievously at me, she responded, “Well, I am trying to keep up with a Demon. I have to stay on my toes - rise to the challenge.”

 Smiling back at her, I answered, “Is that so?”

 “You don't think I can?” she asked, looking at me over her teacup with one raised eyebrow.

 I shook my head, chuckling softly. “I have absolutely no doubt that you can. I know better than to underestimate you. You tracked me down after centuries of searching, healed me when I was as close to death as I'd ever wish to be again...you are more than capable of giving this Demon a challenge.”

 “A friendly one, of course,” she replied teasingly. 

 “Of course,” I said.  “Just like before.”

 Katrina rolled her eyes at me. I just took another sip of my tea to hide my amused grin. “Anyway,” she said, “other than the information I gave you, Danyael didn't have much of anything else. The group's numbers are currently unknown, but have dwindled significantly due to the Phantomhives.”

 “Do they exist outside of England?”

 “No. They apparently came into being around the time the Romans left. The stories Danyael found referred to a small group of Romans who found themselves left behind - stranded here - when Rome withdrew from Britain. Their leader must have entered into a pact with the Fallen out of desperation for survival or for revenge on the native Celts for killing his comrades. Regardless of the reason, that's how they got their start - how it began. Since then, they've evolved into what they are now.”

 “An evil version of the Freemasons. Wonderful,” I retorted. “I suppose all we can do now is look for any information we can find on them in those books in the Phantomhive library, and wait to see what  **_they_ ** decide to do next.”

 “Well, there is one good thing that will come from following that course of action,” Katrina said.

 “And what would that be?” I asked.

 “The opportunity for us to spend some time together and get reacquainted,” she replied, taking another sip of tea. 

 “True,” I responded quietly. Not knowing what else to say, I fidgeted with my teacup for a moment removing my other glove and wrapping my hands around it, enjoying the feeling of warmth beneath my hands since the kitchen had cooled down somewhat. Heat and cold don't really bother me, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the sensation. And it was a distraction from the awkwardness I was feeling.

 Katrina quickly picked up on my hesitation to say anything in response. So she picked a new topic to restart the conversation in a way that would keep things within my comfort level. “What exactly are your duties as butler for the Phantomhive Estate?” she asked. “It's such a large house and the staff is rather small.”

 “Well, my young master isn't particularly comfortable bringing too many people into the house after everything he's been through,” I explained. “Hence the small number of servants.”

 “That's understandable,” Katrina said.

 “Add to that the fact that anyone who works here could possibly be subjected to dangerous situations arising from time-to-time,” I continued, “and I believe he is not willing to ask any more people to put themselves at risk.”

 “And it's also less risk of a servant betraying him as well,” she added.

 “Exactly,” I agreed. “So I probably do a bit more than the average butler. My duties include but are not limited to: cleaning, cooking, serving tea and meals, taking care of the young master's clothes, taking care of and accounting for all of the kitchen items including the dishes and all of the silver, maintaining and stocking the pantry and wine cellar, seeing to the fireplaces and lighting, winding the clocks and personal errands such as the mail and correspondence with family and friends.”

 “Wow. I suppose some things you can delegate to the others and some things you have to take care of yourself,” Katrina speculated.

 “Exactly,” I said. “Finny helps with the fireplaces sometimes, especially on days the weather keeps him out of the gardens and stuck indoors. Mey-Rin does a good deal of the laundry and tidying up like dusting and polishing the woodwork and furniture. Bard keeps the kitchen pretty clean most of the time - when he's not accidentally burning things.” This got a laugh from Katrina, which made me smile. “But they still require supervision and if they mess something up yours truly gets to fix it.”

 “And you also personally take care of Ciel,” she said, “looking after him and seeing to his needs and comfort.”

 I nodded. “Yes. He has no valet, so in the absence of that position being filled, I am expected to assume those duties as well. Such as helping him bathe and dress, trimming his hair, and when he's older helping him shave. I see to it that his wardrobe is taken care of and his personal quarters are neat and tidy. I make sure his daily life is as comfortable as possible.”

 “Well it seems to me that you do a very good job of that.”

 Raising my cup to take another sip of my tea, I responded with a smile, “I am simply one hell of a butler.”

 Laughing again, Katrina set her cup down and looking at me in amusement said, “You are indeed, to do everything that you do for Ciel  and the others. It can't be easy, even for you.”

 Setting my cup down too, I sighed. “Sometimes...it truly isn't. But still, it's not a bad life. I receive room and board in addition to my pay. I am entitled to a bottle of wine for every six that are opened and the ends of all of the candles for use in my own room for lighting - I choose to share those with the others since they don't get paid as much as I do. And even though he could deduct the cost of my uniforms from my pay, the young master doesn't, so even my clothes are included. I suppose he feels as if that makes up for all of the additional work I put in...aside from the fact that he can be quite kind when when he chooses to.” I paused for a moment, thinking. “Considering I do everything from ironing his newspaper in the morning, to occasionally serving as his tutor when his regular ones can't make it, to ‘standing guard’ against his nightmares, well…”

 “He appreciates all that you do, so he does what he can to show it without making a big deal out of it,” Katrina observed. 

 “I hadn't thought of it that way before,” I said.

 “He trusts you and you do an excellent job, so perhaps it's his way of expressing gratitude without directly saying ‘thank you.’ From what I've gathered so far, he isn't prone to openly expressing himself that way. So he lets his actions speak for him by doing what he can to take care of all of you in return for everything you do for him.”

 Nodding in agreement, I said, “That makes sense. He's done nice things for all of us at one point or another for no apparent reason. He gave Mey-Rin her glasses, and when that pair finally broke, he took her to the opthamologist and replaced them. He bought Finny’s hat because he found out about the tattoo on his neck - Finny was part of an atrocious medical experiment - and that he was worried what would happen if someone saw it. The hat gave him a way to cover it up. Those were things the young master would have been well within his rights to require them to pay for out of their own earnings, but he didn't. And as many times as Bard has unintentionally demolished the kitchen, he's never once made him pay for repairs or replace ruined food or cooking utensils.”

 “Ciel understands that they are grateful to him and that they will repay his kindness with their loyal service. He has a good relationship with his household,” Katrina said.

 “This is, by far, the best relationship I have ever had with a human I've been in a Contract with,” I admitted. 

 “I would imagine so,” Katrina stated thoughtfully. “Since most Contracts with Fallen are based upon a need for revenge, or desire for wealth and power, it makes sense that most of those kind of people would be less prone to considering your feelings and leave a less than positive impression.”

 “Indeed...downright negative in plenty of cases,” I agreed. “I tried very hard to choose those whose cases for vengeance seemed justified, if only to ease my own conscience - or what remained of it. But more often than not, they still ended up bitter and unsatisfied, even upon achieving what they'd summoned me for.” I sighed. Katrina gave me a sympathetic look. 

 “That had to be difficult to deal with.”

 “It gets old,” I tried to clarify. “Even if, and you'll have to pardon how distasteful this will sound, their experiences throughout the time of the Contract were enough to make their soul’s energy…satisfying...it became boring. Routine. No matter what they went through that enhanced that energy’s ‘flavour,’ the tediousness of dealing with how petty they could become…” I shrugged. “It became a bit too easy to manipulate things in order to alleviate the boredom. To find ways to delay things - draw out the drama - in order to keep adding to that soul’s experience, to heighten the flavour even more, just to escape what was becoming monotonous.” Staring into my nearly empty tea cup, I said, “It's awful, I know. Adding to their suffering in order to feed off of it. Cultivating their sorrow and despair as if it's a vineyard, in order to create a better more satisfying vintage of wine.” I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my tone.

 Katrina reached out to touch my arm again. “You were trying to survive, Sebastian…” she began.

 “Somewhere along the way that changed,” I interrupted her, forcing myself to look up and meet her gaze. “Living such long lives...the ennui gets to you. I changed. I became capable of cruelty out of sheer listlessness, alleviating my own melancholy by adding to someone else's…” I had to stop and swallow just to keep going. “We learned how to take a grim kind of satisfaction out of the ending of a successfully completed Contract - a dark kind of joy out of feeding on the fruits of the suffering humans bring upon themselves with their foolish notion of and desire for revenge. It felt like that was the only kind of ‘joy’ left for us to experience.” I could feel the tears threatening to start. Somehow I managed to keep going. “Then, I was summoned by a ten-year-old...and all that changed…”

 “Ciel,” Katrina whispered. I nodded. We both went quiet for a moment before she spoke again. “I think you two needed each other, and were drawn together for a reason.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “You give him the necessary strength to keep going, and in return his ‘humanity’ is rubbing off on you,” she explained with a soft smile. “You're helping each other; giving each other something the other lacked. Restoring each other's faith in friendship and family.”

 Once again, her insight made perfect sense. But it still did little to assuage my feelings of guilt and shame over my past actions or to alleviate the confusion brought on by those feelings. With her strong sense of empathy, I’m certain Katrina could ascertain what I was feeling. She started rubbing my arm again in a gesture of comfort.

 “Regaining your prior range of emotions will mean dealing with what amounts to delayed reactions to some of your previous actions. Actions that were committed outside the influence that those emotions would have had. Does that make sense?”

 I had to think about it for a moment. “As in, if my emotional range hadn’t ‘narrowed’ like you explained earlier, there would have been things those emotions would have influenced, such as whether to commit to an action or not? So some of the things I feel so terrible about now, I might not have done then if my ability to feel said emotions had still been intact.”

 “Precisely.”

 “So...I shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed?” I was really confused now.

 “No...we feel guilt and shame for bad deeds for a reason - to learn from our mistakes. What I think the difficulty here is, is that you’re feeling it all at once, instead of having felt it when it happened.”

 “So rather than a little at a time, I’m feeling the full brunt of everything.”

 “Unfortunately,” Katrina said softly. “I’m so sorry it happened this way…”

 “It can’t really be helped,” I replied.

 “I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

 “I appreciate that.”

 This time it was Katrina who seemed uncomfortable at the lull in our conversation. Hoping it wasn’t something I had said I placed my left hand on top of hers where it still rested on my right forearm. “Are you alright? What’s the matter?” I asked. Sighing, she looked back at me.

 “I feel bad springing this on you, but in the message I received from Danyael...he...wants to see you. Talk to you…”

 I could practically feel the blood drain from my face. The last time I had seen Danyael we had argued. Getting reacquainted with Katrina was one thing. Facing Danyael after the fight we’d had...that was entirely unsettling. I managed to speak one word. “When?”

 “Tomorrow,” Katrina whispered. Her hand was trembling beneath mine. Had she been afraid to tell me? That thought upset me far more than the possibility of seeing Danyael again. I squeezed her hand reassuringly. 

 “Please...please don’t tell me you were afraid I’d be angry at you…” I couldn’t bear the idea that I might have somehow frightened her.

 Katrina’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh! No...no Sebastian, that’s not it at all! I was afraid of upsetting you, but not of making you angry. It’s just...I know how close the two of you used to be, and how hurt and worried Danyael was when you disappeared, and how hurt and angry you were with the whole situation. That’s what I’m concerned about…”

 I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “I’m not upset...it’s just...that’s  **_very_ ** short notice…”

 “I know,” she said. I could tell that bothered her. “I tried to tell him to give it some time, but he was  **_so_ ** beside himself when I informed him of what had happened. I think he is just overly eager to see for himself that you’re alright.”

 “As long as it’s not first thing tomorrow, and I have at least  **_some_ ** time to prepare…”

 “Afternoon tea, perhaps?” Katrina suggested. “That would mean a more informal, relaxed setting, with the opportunity for him to meet Ciel as well. I think it would be good for him to see the relationship the two of you have.”

 “I’ll talk to the young master first thing when I wake him in the morning,” I told her. “As long as there is no pressing business, that should be alright..”

 “I’ll let Danyael know. Nathan may accompany him.”

 Nathan was Katrina’s cousin, her mother’s sister’s son. They were close - more like a brother and sister than cousins. He and Danyael and I had been close friends before the war.

 “When you contact him again, could you please relay a message?” I asked quietly.

 “Of course.”

 I had to pause to decide how to explain what I needed for her to tell him. Turning the teacup between my hands, I looked at her with a pleading expression.

 “My young master, as you are aware, does not know about my past. After what happened, when he saw my scars, he deduced that just like him, I have things in my past that are painful. He made me a promise. A promise to not force me to discuss those things and to not attempt to ask about any of it, but to leave it to me to decide what to talk about and only when I am ready.” I set the teacup down because my hands had begun to tremble slightly. “I’m just not prepared, not ready to explain it to him yet…”

 “So you’d like for me to make sure that both Danyael and Nathan understand that, and to not bring up anything in Ciel’s presence that could lead into sensitive territory.”

 “Please?” I whispered, my voice trembling just like my hands. “I can handle telling my master that they know  **_what_ ** I am to avoid awkwardness there, but anything beyond that…”

 “I understand. I will make certain that they understand as well. Try not to worry about it too much. I’ll take care of explaining things.”

 “Thank you,” I replied.

 “I haven’t gone into any detail with them yet anyway,” Katrina explained. “I wasn’t sure what you would wish for them to know, so I only told them that I had found you and then about treating your injuries. And asking for help with the research on the seal and dagger, of course.”

 “So...they don’t know anything else?”

 Katrina shook her head. “No.”

 “Including who my Contract is with…?”

 “I haven’t disclosed anything else. Why?” she asked, puzzled. Then an expression of comprehension came over her face. “Ciel’s age...you’re concerned about how they’ll feel when they learn how young he is.”

 “As a general rule, Fallen don’t enter into a Contract with a child,” I attempted to explain. “Normally, that’s not even an issue, since the vast majority of children don’t have the necessary skills to summon us, or enough of a reason to need to. For obvious reasons, my young master is a very unique case and major exception to that rule.”

 “I think waiting to explain until they’ve seen the two of you interact a bit will suffice to solve that issue,” Katrina reasoned. “Ciel is a very mature thirteen...wise beyond his years due to what he’s experienced. I don’t believe it will be a problem.”

 “I hope you’re right,” I responded. “I can always sit down with them and explain later if need be, I suppose.”

 “Well, if that settles things for now, why don’t we both go get some rest and then see what tomorrow brings?” she suggested. “Here...I’ll even help you tidy up first.”

 I told her that wouldn’t be necessary, but she insisted. So I washed the pot and cups and let her dry them. Then I put them away, picked up my coat and gloves and escorted her back to her room before heading for my own.

 Once there, I discovered that I was far more tired than I had expected I would be.  **_Still_ ** recovering...I sighed. Hopefully another night of rest would help. I changed into my pajamas and carefully crawled into bed, my shoulder and side cramping slightly - an unwelcome reminder that I still had some healing time ahead of me.

 It seemed as if my head had barely come to rest on my pillow before my eyes drifted closed, and the last thing I was aware of was the sound of my watch ticking, audible from its place on my nightstand…

  


  *    * *      * * *

  


 Time. What is time to a being that lives as long as we do? I suppose I could complicate that question even further by adding that it would depend on which of us you asked as to what kind of answer you’d get.

 Danyael had arrived at our meeting place before me. I was observing him from a distance, concealed by tree and shadow, the shade I could manipulate wrapped around me like a cloak, obscuring my presence from all but the keenest of senses. If he had been less distracted, less anxious, he might have been able to detect me. I watched him pace for a moment longer before deciding to step out of hiding and get this over with…

 Catching sight of me Danyael ceased pacing and rushed to greet me, concern and relief written plainly on his face. “There you are! I was getting worried…” He hugged me then, and when I half-heartedly returned his embrace, he drew back, still holding on to my arms. “Are you alright?” I winced at the question. “Did something happen?”

 I gently disengaged myself from his hold on my arms. “Oh, I’m  **_fine_ ** ,” I answered sarcastically, unable to keep the bitterness from creeping into my tone. A truly dejected expression crossed Danyael’s handsome features, and for a split second I regretted my harsh response.

 “I’m sorry, Sebastian…”

 “ **_Don’t call me that!_ ** ’” I snapped, my regret burned away in a sudden flare of anger.

 “But...how am I supposed to…”

 “How about ‘wingless’?” I cut him off. “That’s what we’re being called now, or did you not know?” I sneered at the shock on his face. “Our identities summed up in one word...one word to describe us all. How about just calling me  **_that_ ** from now on?”

 Danyael’s expression darkened. “I would  **_never_ ** call you such a thing.”

 Silence except for the slight breeze rustling the trees, the first of the autumn leaves beginning to fall and a few birds. When it became apparent that Danyael didn’t know what else to say, I sighed. “There is nothing new to report. Same as always.” I paused, and when he didn’t respond right away, I kept going. “Well, I suppose that answered your usual question. Is it safe to assume that the answer to mine hasn’t changed either?”

 “What do you want me to say?” he replied, his voice trembling with emotion. “Talking to Simeon is like talking to a wall. Ever since that day, after... **_you_ ** ...he’s been distant and difficult to communicate with…”

 “Guilt will do that,” I retorted sharply. “I hope that crow tastes nice and bitter going down.”

 “Please,” Danyael pleaded, “I’m trying…”

 “Don’t bother. He won’t listen.”

 “Sebas…” I glared at him and he stopped short. “I don’t know what else to do…”

 “Sebastian Michaelis is  **_dead_ ** ,” I whispered. Danyael flinched. “Grieve him and move on.” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm and spun me back to face him.

 “I can’t do that,” he snarled. Jerking my arm free from his grasp, I felt my eyes shift to their glowing, cat-slitted demon appearance. Danyael gasped, his eyes widened in shock.

 “Can’t do what, exactly?” I snarled back. “Face the pain? Deal with the loss?” I held up my left hand, the one with the mark. “ **_This_ ** is  **_pain_ ** …”

 “I know...I know you’re hurting. So am I…”

 “You don’t know  **_pain_ ** .  **_Pain_ ** is being branded a traitor when you’re the farthest thing from it.  **_Pain_ ** is having your wings brutally hacked off.  **_Pain_ ** is being completely  **_cut off_ ** from Love and Peace and  **_Heaven_ ** .  **_Pain_ ** is being forever estranged from the Soul Mate that I was willing to sacrifice all of  **_that_ ** to protect…” I wasn’t yelling - yet. But I had raised my voice enough that Danyael nearly had to yell to interrupt my rant.

 “And pain is also watching your best friend being subjected to all of that and not being able to do a damn thing about it!”

 I stopped and looked at him. There were tears in those sky blue eyes. I felt my own eyes shift back to their normal colour, tears blurring my vision. “Don’t…” I whispered. “Don’t do this to me…”

 “Do what?” he asked, heartbreak in his voice. “Tell the truth? That I hurt  **_for you_ ** ? That it breaks my heart to see you like this?”

 “Stop...please…” I closed my eyes.

 “Watching you slowly slip further and further into despair...losing hope...losing faith...you don’t think  **_that_ ** is  **_pain_ ** ?”

 “I can’t…” I whispered even more softly.

 “You can’t what?” Danyael whispered back.

 Opening my eyes I looked into his and I finally broke.

 “I can’t do this anymore.”

 And then I turned, and I ran.

 I could hear him, calling what used to be my name, shouting for me to wait, but I didn’t stop. Danyael was an athlete - bigger and stronger than me. But I had always been faster. He pursued me through the forest, but it didn’t take me long to lose him. I could still hear him for a little while, but once I got far enough ahead of him, his voice faded.

 Slowing to a walk, I doubled back, taking another route back to the clearing where we’d always met. I’m not sure why I did so, Except I had this feeling that I needed to. I had learned not to ignore my gut instinct, so I cautiously circled around and found another vantage point from which to observe the space.

 Sure enough, Danyael returned, looking shaken and upset. He almost looked as if he’d hoped to find me there, waiting for his return, and was disappointed to discover otherwise. Standing there looking totally lost and alone, he began to cry. Putting his hands around his mouth he called my ‘name’ one final time, lowered his hands and listened intently to his surroundings for a moment. Then he sank to his knees in the leaves, covered his face with both hands and broke down.

 Part of me wanted to go to him and tell him how sorry I was, that I was just so tired and needed a definitive answer. Another part of me said to let it go...that it was better to make a clean break from my previous life  **_now_ ** because there was no going back.

 Guess which side won.

 Wrapping the shadows around me to conceal my departure, I started to leave. Then I heard it.

 “No more,” Danyael whispered. He raised his head, stood and wiped his eyes. Pulling a pendant from beneath his tunic, he clutched it and spoke a quick incantation. Then he let the pendant go and waited.

 He didn’t have to wait long. A shimmering oval of light and air appeared in front of him, a glistening portal to a realm I no longer had access to. A split second later, someone stepped through.

 Simeon.

 “What is so important, Danyael, that you felt the need to call me here for…” He never finished that sentence, because Danyael punched him. I had to put a hand over my mouth to cover the sound of my gasp of shock.

 “I am  **_done_ ** playing this game!” Danyael spat.

 Simeon sat up from where he had landed, wiping blood from his nose and mouth. He looked as surprised as I had ever seen him. “What...what happened?” he asked, picking himself up off the ground with a bit of caution, keeping a wary eye on Danyael, who had gone from grief to anger quicker than I’d ever seen. But then again, this confrontation had been brewing for a while now.

 “He is my best friend, and now he’s  **_gone_ ** ,” Danyael growled through clenched teeth. “He finally had it with you and your callous disregard for all he’s done, all he’s sacrificed. He reached his breaking point.”

 “So that’s what this is about,” Simeon answered softly. “Our Fallen spy…”

 “He has a name!” Danyael snapped. “No matter that it’s been stricken from your damn list! He will always be Sebastian Michaelis - my  **_friend_ ** .  **_Always_ ** .”

 I heard in those words the echo of what he’d told me  **_that day_ ** , before the judgement of the Fallen. That no matter what happened, we’d always be friends. I had to keep my hand over my mouth to stifle the sobs I could feel coming…

 “He left, then,” Simeon stated.

 “Left? More like he  **_ran_ ** , as if he couldn’t get away fast enough. After nearly breaking down and weeping,” Danyael explained. He was beyond furious. “Is this what you wanted? To drive him mad with the longing to come home? I should have done more to stand up for him - to stop you before things went this far.  **_That_ ** is my burden of guilt to bear. Can you live with yours? That your actions condemned a kind, loyal, compassionate Angel to the dark, lonely life of exile as a Fallen? Can you? Because if you answer yes, there is seriously something wrong with you.”

 “What do you want me to say?” Simeon asked quietly. “That I’m sorry? Of course I’m sorry. I did what I thought was…”

 “Don’t,” Danyael interrupted. “The one who desperately needs to hear that apology isn’t here.”

 Simeon sighed. “I suppose it can’t hurt to tell you since you’ll find out soon enough.”

 “Tell me what?”

 I’m resigning my position as Head of the Council.”

 First Danyael looked shocked. Then his expression changed to one of confusion. “Why?” he asked.

 “It’s just time,” Simeon said with a shrug, his tone tired and full of sadness. “And you are right. I made mistakes. And I have to live with those.”

 “You’re not the only one who has to live with  **_those_ ** mistakes,” Danyael pointed out.

 “I know.”

 “Sebastian has to live with it...and so does Katrina. I don’t know how I’m going to break this to her…”

 “I’m sorry. Truly, I am,” Simeon said. “And I don’t blame you for being angry.”

 Danyael sighed. “I need a little time to myself, I think, before I head back.”

 “I understand. I’ll see you at the next Council meeting, then.” And with that, Simeon reopened the portal and departed, leaving Danyael alone again.

 He stood there for a few minutes, eyes closed, breathing in the crisp fall air. Finally he opened his eyes and breathed a sad sigh.

 “So you do have regret, Simeon,” he mused. “It’s too little, too late I’m afraid. Especially for Sebastian.” He paused, looking around the clearing. “Sebastian, my friend...wherever you are, please know that you are still loved,” he whispered. Then he, too, opened a portal and stepped through to go home.

 Home. Where he would find Katrina and tell her what had transpired… Suddenly I found myself unable to leave, when I had been so ready to walk away only moments before. Staring at the last place Danyael had stood, I leaned back against a tree and slowly slid down to sit at its base. Pulling my legs into my chest, I wrapped my arms around them, laid my head on my knees and there in my cocoon of shadows and sorrow, I finally wept…

*        * *       * * *

  


 I awakened to find my face and my pillow wet with my tears. I sat up slowly, wiping my face.

 It was after that last encounter with Danyael that I began actively blocking my memories. Deliberately trying to forget, because the alternative - living every day in agony and despair - was no longer an acceptable option. Except now, looking back, I felt like a coward. I had run away from the pain, not caring how much my running away would hurt others. Torn between feeling like I would lose my sanity if I didn’t, and as if I was betraying them by leaving.

 In the long run, I had betrayed myself worst of all.  **_They_ ** had never stopped caring.  **_They_ ** had still loved me. I had lost the ability to see that, blinded by my hurt and anger. I had slowly stopped loving myself because of what I’d become, what I’d done. I had felt so isolated and alone. But instead of reaching out to them, I pushed them away, and in betraying them, I had betrayed myself by closing the door on any help I might have received…

 And now Danyael was going to visit. He  **_still_ ** wanted to reconnect, according to Katrina. Even after I had so cruelly lashed out at him the last time we saw each other. Could he possibly have forgiven me?

 Breathing a resigned sigh, I reached over and picked up my watch from my nightstand. It was still dark, but with my keen eyesight and the small amount of moonlight, I managed to make out the time. Four thirty-seven. The rest of the household would still be asleep. I certainly didn’t feel as if I could go back to sleep right now. But the slight ache in my shoulder and side told me that I needed to try to get some more rest, so I laid back down…

 When next I opened my eyes, it was to faint sunlight coming through the window high on the wall above the head of my bed. I was in the same position I’d fallen asleep in, and still holding my watch in my right hand. Checking the time, I discovered that I’d gone back to sleep for nearly three more hours. I would have to hurry to get ready for the day ahead.

 After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, I proceeded to wake the others so that they might prepare for the day as well. Then I set about my usual morning routine of ironing the young master’s newspaper and preparing his tea. While the tea was steeping, I fed the cat.

 I have always loved cats. If it weren’t for the fact that the young master is allergic to them, I would gladly allow this particular feline to move into the house - with the young master’s permission, of course. Sleek, glossy black coat...big, lustrous green-gold eyes...she was truly lovely. Once I had seen to it that she was fed, I took the tea on the serving cart up to my young master’s room.

 As usual, he was still sleeping quite soundly when I arrived. I pushed the cart over to its usual place between the bed and the window. Pushing the curtains back to allow light into the room, I spoke softly, “It is time to get up, young master.” Not particularly fond of mornings, he groaned in futile complaint, but stretched and sat up regardless. As I poured his tea, he sniffed and then cocked his head in confusion.

 “I don’t recognise that smell,” he said, perplexed. It has a…[sniff]...woodsy, almost smoky scent…”

 “This one is new, my lord,” I replied with a smile. “Please, try it and share your thoughts on the flavour.” I added just a touch of sugar and handed him the cup. Holding it just beneath his nose, he breathed in the tea’s aroma before taking a tentative sip. He pondered on it for only a moment before taking another bolder taste.

 “It certainly is different,” he observed. “But I like it. Strong, almost roasted...but the smokiness is mellow at the same time.”

 “So it has earned your approval then?”

 “Yes, it has. What is it?”

 “It’s a Chinese tea,” I explained. “An Oolong, from the Wuyi Mountains in northern Fujian. Lau had it shipped in recently. I thought you might like it.” Handing him his newspaper, I then went to his wardrobe to retrieve the outfit he’d be wearing today. It gave me a moment to figure out how to approach the subject of Danyael’s visit. I was more nervous about it than I was willing to admit.

 Returning with his blue suit with the black and silver double-breasted buttons, I waited until my master was finished with his cup of tea and then proceeded to help him dress. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realise how quiet I was being until Ciel said something.

 “I do believe that if you were any more talkative this morning, I couldn’t stand it,” he mumbled in a sarcastic tone. His dry wit forced me to crack a smile.

 “My apologies, young master. I was contemplating how to bring up something I need to discuss with you.”

 “It must be terribly important if you’re being that thoughtful over it,” he responded. “Take your time, then.”

 “That’s just it, young master,” I said as I slipped his socks over his feet and up his calves, then attached the garters. “Time, in this case, is a bit limited.” I sighed as I picked up one of his shoes.

 “Well, you don’t need to be afraid to talk to me about whatever it is,” he replied as I held the shoe steady for him to slide his foot into it.

 “I talked to Katrina last night for a bit after you went to sleep,” I began. “The person she’s been contacting to help us with the research on the dagger and seal is another...old friend.” I paused, trying to decide how to explain.

 “And?” Ciel asked. “Did she hear back from them already? That was fast.”

 “She did, and I’ll have to explain how later. But for now, the important thing is that he did find something and he wants to come see me.”

 “Why is this an issue, then?”

 “Because...because we fought the last time we saw each other,” I quietly explained. “And he wants to come  **_today_ ** .”

 “I see,” my young master said, placing his other foot where I could help him into the second shoe. “What time?”

 “Perhaps afternoon tea, as long as that suits you, my lord.”

 “Does it suit  **_you_ ** ?” he asked softly. I looked up at him from where I was still kneeling, tying his shoe.

 “My lord?”

 “You’re the one who has to see to it that everything is prepared. Not to mention the anxiety you must be feeling in anticipation of seeing him again after parting on less than friendly terms. So it doesn’t need to only suit me. You need to be alright with it as well.”

 I finished tying his shoe, stood and stepped back, allowing my young master space to stand so I could help him into his jacket. His consideration for my feelings overwhelmed me for a moment.

 “As much as I appreciate your concern,” I said, slipping the jacket up his arms to settle it on his shoulders, “I think it is important enough, considering the information he may have, for me to try to put my anxiety aside - at least for the time being…” Taking hold of my young master’s shoulders, I gently turned him to face me so as to button his jacket. As I knelt to do so, he put a hand on my shoulder, making me stop and look up at him again.

 “Sebastian...you can’t pretend that this doesn’t have the potential to be a very...emotional reunion,” he said. “I just want you to know that whatever transpires, I understand that this whole situation has been very difficult to deal with and that I am here for you. You’ve been by my side through so much...I owe it to you to stand by yours as well.”

 “Thank you,” I responded as I began fastening the buttons.

 “I am going to make an educated guess, and say he must already know what you are, like Katrina does,” he reasoned aloud.

 “He does,” I said. “And so does Katrina’s cousin, who may be coming as well.”

 “Were all of you friends, then?”

 “Yes.”

 “What are their names?”

 “Nathan is Katrina’s cousin’s name,” I said as I finished with the last button and stood up. “And Danyael…” Just saying his name aloud felt a bit strange - and slightly painful.

 “He’s the friend you had the argument with - the one who’s been helping Katrina with the research,” my master finished for me.

 “Yes,” I answered quietly.

 “Well, I’d say that the fact that he’s been helping her help you says that he still cares for you,” he observed.

 “It certainly seems that way,” I agreed.

 “Afternoon tea, then, as long as that suits  **_you_ ** ,” he reiterated.

 Placing my hand on my chest and inclining my head, I replied, “I will make the necessary preparations after breakfast, my lord.”

 “Very well.”

 “Breakfast will be ready shortly.”

 “Thank you, Sebastian.”

 I took the tea cart and left the young master’s rooms for the kitchen, leaving him his newspaper, as he would probably stop by his study and read a bit more of it before coming to breakfast. I arrived in the kitchen to find the others already at work, helping prepare breakfast.

 “Good morning, Sebastian!” Bard, Mey-Rin and Finny said in greeting as I walked in.

 “Good morning,” I responded just as Tanaka entered the kitchen behind me with the other tea cart, returning from taking tea to Katrina. “Oh, good, that means everyone is here now,” I said. “Alright, everyone, I know this is short notice, but we will be having two guests for afternoon tea. I’ll need all of you to pitch in a bit of extra help for lunch so that I can make the preparations for our guests, understood?”

 “Yes, sir!” they answered.

 “Who’s coming?” Finny asked.

 “Katrina’s cousin and a friend,” I said.

 “Oooh, how exciting!” Mey-Rin replied.

 “Especially if they’re anywhere near as pretty as Katrina is…” Bard started.

 “Katrina’s cousin’s name is Nathan,” I interrupted. “And Danyael is the friend.”

 Bard suddenly looked disappointed, while Mey-Rin became more excited. “Are they as handsome as y-...as she is pretty?”

 Letting out an exasperated sigh, I looked at Tanaka. He was stifling a smile. Ignoring Mey-Rin’s near slip-up, I turned back to the three of them. “Alright, you three. That’s enough of this dawdling. We need to finish the young master’s breakfast, eat, clean up and then see to our regular chores as quickly and efficiently as possible.  **_Understood_ ** ?”

 “Yes, sir,” came the rather subdued reply. After that, finishing the breakfast preparations went fairly smoothly. Leaving them to clean up and get our breakfast ready, I loaded the serving cart and left the kitchen to meet my young master and Katrina in the dining room.

 I came down the hall just in time to see my young master opening the dining room door for Katrina. Such the little gentleman. It made me smile. He didn’t notice me, but continued on into the dining room behind Katrina.

 When I arrived at the door myself and opened it, there he was pulling her chair out for her as well. She thanked him and sat down. I approached the table and pulled the young master’s chair out for him to sit before beginning to serve breakfast.

 “Good morning, Sebastian,” Katrina greeted me.

 “Good morning to you as well,” I replied. “Did you sleep well?”

 “Yes, thank you for inquiring. Did you?”

 “Aside from the dream I had, well enough, I suppose,” I answered.

 “You’ll have to tell me about it later,” she responded. “If you wish to.”

 “I shall, the next time we have the opportunity to talk,” I told her. “But for now, breakfast is served,” I said as I set my young master’s tea cup on the table and proceeded to prepare Katrina’s.

 “What are we having this morning?” my young master asked.

 “This morning’s breakfast consists of freshly prepared crumpets with butter and your choice of strawberry, blueberry or raspberry jam. We also have bacon, sausage and scrambled eggs, my lord.”

 “Sounds delicious,” Katrina said.

 “It certainly smells delicious as well,” Ciel added as I set a plate in front of him. He looked over at Katrina as I moved to place a dish in front of her as well. “Sebastian is quite the cook.”

 “Thank you, young master,” I replied. “But it took a while to learn. I made my share of mistakes in the beginning, even with Tanaka’s help…”

 Ciel chuckled. “Especially when brewing tea,” he poked at me.

 Sighing, I turned to look at him. “You’re never going to let me live that down are you?” Closing his eyes and grinning as he lifted his cup of tea and took a long, deep smell, he finally took a sip before responding.

 “Not likely.”

 “Come now, my lord. I have long since ceased to give you a difficult time over your atrocious Latin translations…”

 Opening his eyes and looking at me with an amused expression he said, “But the tea incident was so much funnier.”

 “For  **_you_ ** perhaps,” I responded. “I ended up with burnt hands and a perfectly good pair of gloves ruined.”

 “The expression on your face was worth it,” he answered with a shrug.

 “What happened?” Katrina inquired.

 “My young master decided to, well, give me a taste of my own medicine so-to-speak…” I said in a slightly sheepish tone.

 “To be fair, Sebastian did warn me that he would be a strict tutor,”Ciel explained. “When I made the same translation error several times in a row, well, I got the proverbial ruler across the knuckles and had to re-translate the entire thing.”

 “Ouch,” Katrina said, giving me a mock-scathing look. “That was a bit harsh.”

 “Please, don’t encourage him,” I pleaded. “He paid me back quite thoroughly, I assure you.”

 “The next time he messed up brewing my tea, I told him the same thing he told me. ‘Let’s see your hands.’ He looked so confused,” my master smirked. “He held out his hands, palms up…”

 “And my devious young master here poured the  **_entire cup_ ** of  **_hot tea_ ** onto my hands,” I finished for him, “before telling me that what I had made wasn’t tea, but tea coloured water and to do it over again.”

 Katrina had gasped and covered her mouth with one hand when I told her what my young lord had done. When she lowered her hand, it was obvious that she was struggling with how to react. Shaking her head, she finally responded with, “Whatever am I to do with the two of you. I hope that by now both of you have gotten that type of silly, vindictive behaviour out of your systems.”

 My young master and I looked at each other, wearing nearly identical mischievous grins. “Mostly,” we both said in unison.

 Katrina sighed. “I suppose as long as I do  **_not_ ** end up being required to heal any serious injuries I should count myself lucky,” she teased. “After all, I am dealing with a Demon and a thirteen-year-old…”

 “I would never harm my young master,” I replied, all innocence. “He knows very well that…”

 “It’s up to me to make sure I phrase my orders correctly in order to not bring unintentional harm upon myself,” my master recited.

 “And that even should you fail to do so, I would still protect you from serious danger,” I replied.

 “But only after I’ve learned my lesson,” he retorted sarcastically.

 “Well, you have to learn somehow,” I poked back.

 “ **_You_ ** certainly did,” Ciel said. Looking at Katrina he added, “Sebastian never messed up my tea again<” with a snarky grin.

 “And you have been extra careful with both your Latin translations  **_and_ ** the phrasing of your orders,” I replied. “So we’re even.”

 “For now,” he said, turning that grin on me.

 “For now, indeed,” I agreed with a wicked grin of my own.

 “I take it this is a bit of a game between you two,” Katrina interjected, amused at our banter.

 “Of course,” Ciel answered.

 “We have to keep each other sharp. On our toes,” I added.

 “I am the Queen’s Guard Dog, after all,” my young master said.

 “And if I didn’t do my part to help keep my lord’s wits as sharp as a tack, what kind of butler would I be?”

 By now Katrina was just chuckling and shaking her head. “You two are quite the pair,” she said. “I’ll have to stay extra sharp and on my toes just to keep up.”

 After my master and Katrina finished breakfast, he went to his study to take care of some things dealing with Funtom business and Katrina went to the library to continue sorting and cataloging books. I took the serving cart loaded with the breakfast things back to the kitchen, where Tanaka and the others had our breakfast ready. While we ate, I gave out instructions to everyone as to what needed to be done before lunch. Then I left the rest of the kitchen clean-up to Bard and Mey-Rin, while Finny headed outside to sweep and clean the front steps. I left Tanaka in charge of the lunch menu and beginning those preparations with Bard. Once I was sure things were going smoothly, I headed for my office to catch up on the household paperwork.

 In addition to all of my other duties, I took care of running the day-to-day household affairs - balancing accounts such as the ordering of supplies and food, the other servants’ pay, and getting the young master’s approval on any other expenses incurred by unforeseen events. I was behind by two days and needed to get caught up. Luckily, I was alone, so being unobserved I could use a bit of extra speed to do so.

 Having caught up on that particular duty, I went from room to room checking and winding the clocks and doing any dusting that needed to be done before our guests arrived. Finny and Tanaka had done an excellent job on the fireplaces yesterday, so I was saved from having to do that additional chore. Considering the faint ache that was still present in my shoulder, I was extremely grateful for that.

 Reaching the library, I found Katrina sitting at the same table as before, going through some of the less damaged volumes. She looked up and smiled at me when I entered the room.

 “Hello,” I said in greeting, smiling back. “Will it disturb you if I do a bit of dusting?”

 “Not at all,” she replied.

 “Have you found anything of interest?” I inquired, gesturing at the stack of books on the table.

 “Well, it’s  **_all_ ** interesting,” she answered a bit teasingly, “but nothing on the particular two things we're especially interested in. At least not yet.”

 “I see. Perhaps later I will be able to be of some assistance.”

 “That would be nice. I assumed Ciel would want to go through that small trunk himself, seeing as how it’s labeled the way it is,” Katrina said, indicating the one unpacked trunk sitting on the floor close to the desk.

 “I believe that is a safe assumption,” I agreed. “Then I shall let you continue with your research. I’ll take care to dust as quickly and quietly as possible.

 I can’t say that I quite understand yet how it is possible to just enjoy simply being in someone’s presence, even if you’re not really interacting directly. But that is exactly what this felt like. I discovered that the mere idea of us returning to the library later to do more research together was something I looked forward to. I was finding myself becoming less afraid of getting reacquainted with Katrina.

 Danyael and Nathan, however...that was an entirely different matter. I sighed. Katrina heard me and looked up from her book.

 “Are you alright?”

 “Yes...I’m just a bit anxious I suppose.”

 “I think I would be more concerned if you weren’t,” she responded softly. “Your nervousness is normal. An expected reaction to uncertainty.”

 “It’s too bad that knowing that doesn’t lessen the feeling,” I replied.

 Katrina smiled. “You’ll be fine,” she reassured me. “You are surrounded by people who care about you. Try to take comfort in that fact.”

 “I will try. Thank you,” I told her. Finishing the last bit of dusting, I excused myself. “I’ll see you at lunchtime, then.”

 Having now finished with the dusting and straightening I headed back towards the kitchen to see how lunch preparations were going. On my way there, I was intercepted by Finny, who looked worried. That was never a good sign.

 “Sebastian, sir?”

 “Yes, Finny? What is it?”

 “It’s...well...perhaps you had better come see for yourself…” He looked a bit pale. I sighed and indicated with my hand for him to go ahead of me, then I followed him out the front door of the manor.

 Once we were outside, he walked over to the exact spot where the other Fallen had left me on the steps - to bleed to death - and I immediately knew what had upset our poor, tender-hearted gardner.

 Bloodstains. Despite the rain and Finny’s cleaning efforts, my blood still stained the stonework; darkened the mortar where it had run between the stones. It was more faint on the stones themselves, but if one knew where to look…

 “I’m sorry, Sebastian,” Finny apologised, sniffing and starting to tear up. “I tried…”

 “It’s alright, Finny,” I reassured him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “It will just have to gradually fade on its own. It would appear that the rain simply wasn’t enough to wash it away completely.” I paused. “Either that or Demon blood is more stubborn than human blood and leaves one hell of a stain…”

 Finny blinked and looked up at me in confusion. I smiled and winked at him, finally getting a bit of a smile in return. “I just know that you want things to look their best for guests…” he said quietly. “And seeing it still here...that night was just...we were so scared that you…”

 I squeezed his shoulder gently. “It’s alright,” I repeated. “It can’t be helped and as long as they don’t know where to look, it won’t be that noticeable.” I looked around at the rest of the area. “Everything else looks very nice, Finny. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and take a break before lunch.”

 Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Finny nodded. “Thank you, Sebastian.”

 “You’re welcome,” I replied. I watched him walk back up to the front door and go inside. Then I turned my attention back to the place that had so upset him.

 Staring at the faint, rust-coloured patches and streaks that indicated where I had lain, so grievously wounded only two days ago, I was suddenly confronted with the rush of emotion I had been unwilling to show in front of Finny. It was a completely disconcerting mix of anger, sadness, guilt and pain that had my head reeling and my vision blurring with the threat of tears. I felt dizzy and sick and wanted to punch something at the same time. Before I could react to any of my feelings, the front door opened again.

 “Sebastian?” It was Katrina. “I ran into Finny...he was concerned about what he’d shown you…” She paused when I turned to look in her direction. Whatever she saw in my eyes, on my face, had her rushing to my side and grabbing my arm with one hand and putting her other arm around my waist just in time to keep me from collapsing as my knees suddenly weakened and buckled. She aided me in sitting down - only feet away from where the other Fallen had dumped me - and then sat next to me, still holding onto my right arm with her right hand and moving her left hand up from my waist to gently rub my back.

 “I’ll be...alright…” I managed to gasp, my breath suddenly difficult to catch. My chest felt tight and I was trying desperately not to cry again.

 “Breathe, Sebastian,” Katrina instructed, still rubbing my back in calming circles. “Deep breaths…”

 “I’m fine…” I barely managed to speak, my breathing strained and ragged. “Have to...get...things ready…” Those stubborn tears were starting, regardless of my efforts to blink them away.

 “You’re sitting right here until I say otherwise,” Katrina countered, firm but gentle. “Look at  **_me_ ** , Sebastian, not  **_there_ ** …” She let go of my arm and placing her hand on the left side of my face, tenderly turned my head towards her, forcing me to look away from the place where I had nearly bled to death. “Now, breathe. With me, come on..”

 “I...I almost... **_died_ ** …” I said in a breathless whisper. “He nearly...killed me…”

 “But you didn’t die...you’re still here…”

 “My young...master...would have been...left...alone…” The sobs finally came, getting the better of me.

 “Sebastian, listen to me,” Katrina said, taking my face between her hands to keep my attention focused on her. I was in danger of coming completely unravelled. “For the first time in  **_centuries_ ** you came face-to-face with the possibility of your own ‘death’ - of being Banished. ‘Mortality’ is not something we ourselves are confronted with often. It was a traumatic experience. But you’re going to be alright.” She was wiping the tears from my cheekbones with her thumbs, her storm blue eyes gazing compassionately into my ruby ones. “I’m here to help, and I’m not going anywhere.”

 Katrina’s unwavering calm finally began to have an effect, slowly easing my bout of anxiety. At last I was able to draw in one deep, shaky breath, followed by another until the tightness in my chest and throat loosened and the sobs tapered off, allowing my breathing to return to normal.

 “I...I’m not sure what came over me,” I said quietly. “Just seeing it...the place where he left me...I got light-headed and felt ill. And completely overwhelmed by the...emotions it was making me feel. I’m not used to losing control like this. I’m sorry…”

 Pulling a handkerchief from a pocket, Katrina gently dried my tears. “There,” she said softly. “Better?” I nodded.

 “Thank you.”

 “You’re welcome. And there’s no need for an apology.”

 We sat there for a few moments, on the front steps of the Phantomhive Manor, Katrina and I. She took my gloved hands in hers as we looked out across the perfectly manicured front lawn towards where the driveway disappeared into the deep emerald green shade of the forest. It was a beautiful day, hardly a cloud in the sky, which was a stunning azure blue. A very light breeze, the breath of Mother Nature herself, softly stirred the trees and carried the fragrance of the white roses surrounding the fountain in the courtyard to where we sat. How ironic to be surrounded by such serene beauty in nearly the exact same spot where I very easily could have breathed my last...it made me realise something.

 “The world is made up of so many contradictions,” I said softly. Katrina turned her head to look at me as I spoke. “Just look at this lovely courtyard for instance. This gorgeous day. And yet, something ugly and violent and bloody happened mere feet from where we’re sitting now…”

 “Are you waxing philosophical on me all of a sudden?” Katrina teased gently, squeezing my hands. I couldn’t help but to smile.

 “That wasn’t my intention,” I replied. “It’s just that even after living for so long, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. The absolute paradox, the total conundrum of such opposites co-existing . Especially where emotions are concerned. The capability to feel so many different, sometimes directly opposing things at once...maybe that’s  **_why_ ** Demons are so fascinated with and perplexed by humans.”

 “And that would explain some of the need for the Contract,” Katrina reasoned. “To experience some of those lost emotions vicariously through that interaction and observing their behaviour.”

 “Perhaps,” I agreed. We sat there in silence for a few moments longer before she spoke again. 

 “Do you feel well enough to get up and go back inside now?” she inquired with concern. “I know you want everything to go well later, and I would hate for running behind schedule to add to your anxiety…”

 After carefully taking stock of how I was feeling, I answered, “I believe so. If anything, getting back to work will keep both my mind and body occupied for the time being.”

 “Let me know if I can be of any assistance.” Turning to look at her, I returned the gentle squeeze she had given my hands.

 “You have already been so much more helpful than you know,” I told her. “Your presence alone has done myself and the young master a great deal of good. I cannot thank you enough for all you’ve done. We are very grateful for everything.”

 “I am happy to have been able to help you both,” she responded. “Ciel has a good heart and a kind soul. The two of you bring out the best in each other, I think. If I can aid the two of you in continuing to do so, then that is what I shall do.”

 Climbing carefully to my feet and testing my balance first, I then extended my right hand to aid Katrina in getting to her feet as well. “Shall we go back inside? I do have lunch preparations to check up on, and afternoon tea to finish planning for.”

 Taking my hand, she allowed me to help her to her feet. “If you require any assistance, please do not hesitate to ask. I will be in the library if you need to find me.”

 Standing there facing her, watching the gentle breeze play through the loose tendrils of hair around her face, I found myself reluctant to release her hand and return to my duties. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out to tuck one of those soft, slivery strands behind her ear, like she had done to me several times over the past couple of days. For a split second she appeared ever so slightly surprised before smiling at me. I could feel myself blushing a bit as I smiled back at her. Katrina gave my hand another tender squeeze before letting go. We walked to the door together and I opened it for her.

 “I will see you at lunchtime, then,” I said as we parted ways, myself for the kitchen and Katrina for the library.

 “You know where to find me,” she replied softly. I watched her walk away, her lithe figure the picture of grace in her long, smoky blue dress, her silver hair hanging down her back in silken waves. I could almost visualise her wings, silvery-white with blue-gray barring on the flight feathers that darkened closer to the tips, becoming nearly charcoal in colour.

 Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I turned to make my way to the kitchen. Dealing with the emotions that getting my memories back had triggered was turning out to be more difficult than I had anticipated. Since there was nothing else to be done about that for the time being, I decided to put my energy to work on something constructive to keep myself both occupied and distracted from thinking about it too much.

 Arriving in the kitchen, I found that Bard and Tanaka had lunch well under way. After helping put the finishing touches on lunch, I was free to begin initial preparations for afternoon tea, since there would be extra people present, thus the need for more tea and refreshments than usual. While Tanaka and Bard got everything needed for lunch placed on the serving cart and made sure the dining table was set properly, I went through the pantry, selecting all of the ingredients I would need for what I had planned. Mey-Rin arrived and I set her on the task of cleaning up behind Bard and Tanaka so that things would be ready straightaway for me to get to work immediately following lunch.

 Lunch looked and smelled delicious. I give credit where it is due - Tanaka was a wonderful cook, and Bard did do a good job when supervised to keep him from rushing and burning things. There were thinly sliced pork chops, seasoned with rosemary and thyme and perfectly roasted. On the side were Brussels sprouts, sautéd with bacon, garlic and shallots, lightly seasoned with a little salt and freshly ground black pepper. Then there was an apple pie for dessert.

 When Bard and Tanaka returned to the kitchen from setting the table in the dining room, I took a moment to thank everyone for all there hard work.

 “I truly appreciate the effort all of you have put into getting things done today,” I began. “There will be things I will need to see to after lunch to prepare for our guests, so keep up the good work. We will need to see to the clean-up of the kitchen as quickly as possible after we eat and then I may require some assistance with some other things.”

 “Yes, sir!”

 They kept up a constant stream of cheerful chatter as we finished up with preparing lunch. It was surprisingly soothing in a way, keeping my mind off of more stressful things. At the very least, they could be entertaining. Once it reached the point that lunch could be served, I quietly excused myself to take the serving cart to the dining room.

 My young master and Katrina arrived at the same time I did, so I opened the door to allow them entry ahead of me, then followed with the serving cart. I pulled the chairs out for each of them to sit, and once they were settled comfortably, I proceeded to serve lunch.

 “I wish to both apologise and express my thanks in advance, Ciel,” Katrina said as I placed her dish in front of her.

 “There is no need for an apology,” my lord replied.

 “I am just sorry this happened with such short notice,” Katrina answered.

 “But I get to meet more ‘old friends’ of Sebastian’s,” he responded with a grin that gave me pause. “That alone is interesting enough to outweigh any inconvenience.” He looked up at me. “Oh, don’t look so worried, Sebastian, I’m not going to go digging...I promised, remember? I just find it fascinating to see how you interact with other people, that’s all.”

 “I do believe you take a bit too much pleasure in that particular activity from time to time,” I countered as I poured them both glasses of claret.

 “Well, you’re fascinated by human behaviour, yes?”

 “That question hardly needed asking…” I began before stopping, realising where my devious young master was going with it.

 “So it stands to reason that I would be intrigued by yours, does it not? That how your fascination with others’ behaviour affects your own and how you react to things would be fascinating to me?”

 All I could do was shake my head and smile. “That does make sense, my lord,” I replied.

 “Just keep in mind that Sebastian is still recovering from a traumatic experience, Ciel,” Katrina spoke up softly. “And he is adjusting to being able to experience feelings and emotions that were re-awakened by that experience and the return of his memories. Observing someone’s behaviour to learn about them is one thing. Being able to use that knowledge in order to help them when they need it is another. Learning about someone through observation and interaction should lead to a better understanding of who that person is, and therefore being able to see more clearly how and when they may require assistance - it should be an exercise in empathy and compassion.”

 I could see my young master taking in what Katrina had said, his expression turning from one of amusement to one of contemplation.

 “I hadn’t thought of it that way before,” he finally said. “Thank you for the insight. I can see how that ability would be of value to learn. I shall bear that in mind from now on.” Turning to me, he added, “I hope my occasional amusement at your reactions to human behaviour hasn’t offended you…” 

 My young master’s quick learning curve will likely never cease to amaze me. I smiled at him reassuringly. “No, my lord, it hasn’t. I am just as amused by your reactions to things, after all. I hope not to have offended you, either.”

 Smiling back, he answered, “You haven’t, Sebastian. Besides, if you did, you know I’d find a suitable way to let you know.” His grin turned as mischievous as his tone.

 “I do not doubt that for a moment,” I said, grinning back.

 Now it was Katrina’s turn to shake her head and smile. Deja vú from breakfast earlier, when her reaction to our banter was very similar. “The two of you together provide quite enough entertainment for me,” she teased. I turned my grin on her and placing my right hand on my chest I gave a slight bow.

 “If I couldn’t keep my young master and his guests entertained properly, what kind of butler would I be?”

 Katrina laughed and I felt my heart beat skip a bit faster. My grin turned into a genuine smile at the sound. Making her laugh made me happy, because it was the sound of pure joy, and coming from her it had an effect I was at a loss to explain. It was as if in the presence of such a joyful noise, even if only briefly, sadness and pain couldn’t exist within its sphere of influence.

 The conversation turned to other things, my young master asking Katrina about the books she’d gone through so far and her telling him that there wasn’t anything pertaining to our search yet.

 “But we’ve only just started,” she reminded him when he looked a bit disappointed. “There is still so much information we haven’t even begun to delve into. Give it some time.”

 The remainder of lunch seemed to go by so quickly. Before I knew it, I was serving dessert, both of them expressing absolute delight over the warm apple pie. “I will convey your thanks to Tanaka,” I assured tham, clearing the table after they finished eating.

 “Thank you, Sebastian. I will be in my study,” Ciel said. “I’m looking forward to tea time,” he added with a smile.

 “I shall endeavor to make it an event that will not disappoint, my lord,” I replied, smiling back. Katrina turned to look at me as my young master left the room.

 “Shall I assist you?” she asked softly.

 “Tired of the library?” I teased. She smiled back at me.

 “I’d like to help. Besides, you still haven’t told me about your dream.”

 I sighed. I had nearly forgotten about that. “Alright. Shall we make our way to the kitchen?” Katrina nodded her agreement, then walked beside me as I pushed the serving cart. “I hope you don’t mind sitting through us servants having lunch.”

 “Not at all,” she said. “I enjoy watching all of you interact. And I get to know them a bit better as well.”

 “So it’s not just us Demons who are fascinated by human behaviour…” I observed jokingly.

 “Of course not,” Katrina answered. “Our reasons and motives for that interest might differ, but the curiosity is still there.” She paused. “I hope that didn’t sound judgemental or condescending...that wasn’t how I meant for it to come across…”

 “No offense taken,” I assured her. “You only spoke the truth.”

 Arriving at the kitchen, we opened the door to find the others nearly ready for lunch. I took the leftovers from the young master’s and Katrina’s lunch - the unserved portions still in the serving dishes - to the table while Mey-Rin and Bard took the other things to the sink to be washed up with everything else after we ate. Tanaka was just finishing with setting the table. He looked up at Katrina.

 “Will you be joining us, my lady?” he asked. 

 “For conversation only,” she responded. “No need to set a place for me. I may have a cup of tea, though.”

 The others shared a slightly surprised look between them. Obviously not expecting Katrina to be there, they seemed genuinely confused.

 “You...you don’t mind sitting and talking with us servants, my lady?” Mey-Rin inquired. “I mean, it’s not my place to question, but it’s right unusual, it is…”

 “I truly don’t mind,” Katrina assured her with a warm smile. “I am enjoying becoming better acquainted with the people Sebastian works with every day.”

 Her reply thrilled all of them.

 “That’s so kind of you, Katrina!” Finny responded in excitement.

 “I know you told us you ain’t nobility, but you’re a true lady, that’s for sure,” Bard added.

 Tanaka placed a tea cup on a saucer next to where I usually sat and indicated to Katrina that she could sit there, pulling out the chair for her. Then all the rest of us sat in our usual places for our meal.

 While we ate I got reports from everyone about what had been done and what still needed to be completed. Then I prioritised the rest of the daily chores and let them know what needed to be finished before our guests arrived.

 “Since the weather is so nice, I thought we’d take afternoon tea outside,” I said. “Finny and Bard - if the two of you could take the table and chairs we use for out-of-doors entertainment to its usual place on the back lawn overlooking the gardens, I believe that will be a lovely location. Mey-Rin can help Tanaka with the kitchen clean-up and then see to it that all of the proper things are ready to set the table for tea. Katrina has volunteered to help me with the other preparations, so after you all finish your part, take a break and be ready for me to send for you when you’re needed.”

 “Yes, sir,” they replied.

 “Which tea set would you prefer to use?” Tanaka asked.

 “We’ll use the blue and gold Haviland set,” I decided. “The young master is wearing his blue suit today, so that will do nicely.”

 “I’ll see to it right away,” Tanaka replied.

 “Alright, then. Everyone knows what to do. Let’s get to it.”

 Tanaka and Mey-Rin set about tidying up and washing dishes and Bard and Finny left to go set up the table and chairs outside. That left Katrina and me free to begin work on afternoon tea preparations.

 The menu: little cucumber sandwiches cut into triangles (crust removed from the bread), fresh sourdough bread with butter and strawberry jam, and a full size, round Battenberg cake, decorated with little white roses made from the frosting for the centerpiece. For the tea itself, I chose a white Ceylon for its light sweetness and because it could be served with or without cream to suit the taste of whomever was drinking it.

 I waited until Tanaka and Mey-Rin were finished with the dishes and had left the kitchen before I broached the subject of my dream with Katrina.

 “If you could please pass me that knife, I would be more than happy to start working on the sandwiches,” she said.

 “Oh,” I said, putting down the measuring cup I was using for the sugar to pick up the knife and hand it to here. “Of course. Here you are.”

 “Thank you.”

 “You’re sure you don’t mind helping me?”

 Smiling at me, she replied, “Not at all.”

 While I got all of the ingredients measured out for the cake, Katrina got the bread cut and trimmed for the sandwiches, then she started on the dough for the fresh loaf to go with the butter and jam. I could tell she was waiting for me to decide to open the discussion about the dream. Sighing as I started mixing the cake ingredients, I began.

 “I dreamed about the last time I saw Danyael.”

 Katrina stopped kneading the dough and looked across the table at me, her expression showing both sympathy and worry. I shrugged and continued mixing the first batch of cake batter.

 “We argued, but you know that already,” I said quietly. “I said some rather...hurtful things. Things I regret. Things I said out of pain and anger that I am quite ashamed of.”

 “I know,” Katrina answered just as quietly. “He told me what happened. He knew you were not yourself - that you were hurting. He  **_has_ ** forgiven you, Sebastian.”

 “I don’t doubt that,” I replied. “But what he doesn’t know is that I saw what happened after. I saw him confront Simeon. I sneaked back to the clearing after I ran from him and witnessed what transpired between them. He...stood up for me...still called me his friend. His  **_best friend_ ** …” Looking up from my bowl of cake batter, I met Katrina’s kind gaze. “Getting ‘reacquainted’ with him knowing that he did  **_that_ ** after the way I treated him...actually scares me a bit,” I admitted.

 Smiling gently at me, Katrina placed the bread dough on a pan and walked around the table to put it in the oven. “He has missed you and worried about you ever since that day,” she said, “and before. He was always anxious when the dates of your meetings approached, afraid that something unfortunate may have befallen you. He still went to the meeting place for years after your argument, hoping that you had changed your mind and returned.”

 I winced at hearing that. “Why does that not surprise me,” I said softly. “Such a stubborn, loyal, very  **_Danyael_ ** thing to do.”

 Wiping her hands on the apron I’d given her to wear, Katrina came up to me and touched my arm comfortingly. “He will be glad to see you,” she assured me. “I believe that you getting ‘reacquainted’ with him will go better than you think.”

 Starting on the second batch of cake batter - Battenberg cakes require two flavours/colours to make its signature ‘checkerboard’ pattern - I replied, “I certainly hope so.”

 Giving my arm a reassuring squeeze, Katrina asked, “What else can I help with?”

 “Perhaps the marzipan icing for the cake? All the ingredients are set out already…”

 I must say, working side-by-side with Katrina was the most fun I have had in a while. We made a good team, and between the two of us, we had things nearly finished a bit more quickly than I expected. I was just putting the finishing touches on the cake - the last of the icing roses - and Katrina was arranging the little cucumber sandwiches on a plate to go on the tiered plate stand when Tanaka and the other three returned to the kitchen.

 “Wow! Everything’s so beautiful!” Finny said.

 “The cake is so lovely!” Mey-Rin added. “The guests will love it, yes they will!”

 “All of it looks downright tasty,” said Bard. “Maybe there will be leftovers…”

 I caught a glimpse of Katrina smiling out of the corner of my eye, obviously finding some amusement at their reactions.

 “Alright , you three,” I said, struggling to keep a straight face myself, “there are still things to be done. Bard and Mey-Rin, you two see to the washing up in here. Finny, if you can be very,  **_very_ ** careful, please help Tanaka by carrying all of the silverware and plates - I’ve placed them in  **_this_ ** basket - out to the table for him to set everyone’s place.  **_This_ ** basket contains the tablecloth and the napkins,” I explained, handing the second basket to Tanaka. “I’ve folded the napkins into roses to match the cake - just place one in the center of each plate.” Tanaka nodded his understanding as he took the basket from my hands.

 “Will that be all, Sebastian?” he asked.

 “For the moment, yes. Katrina and I will go freshen up while everyone takes care of their assigned task, then we’ll meet in here before the guests arrive to make sure all is ready.”

 “Very well,” Tanaka replied. “Alright everyone, let’s get to it,” he told the others.

 As they got busy with the last of the tea preparations, I turned to Katrina. “Well, now we get a bit of a break.” Taking my apron off and hanging it on its peg, then taking hers and putting it away as well, I said, “Shall we go and get ready ourselves?” She nodded, and I put my coat back on, held the door open for her and we exited the kitchen, leaving the others to their tasks.

 We walked in a companionable silence down the hall until we reached the point where our paths diverged - hers taking her upstairs to the guest quarters she currently occupied and mine taking me to my room in the servants’ quarters.

 “Thank you,” I said to her, “for all of your help and your company today.”

 “I hope I was able to at least ease your mind and soothe your anxiety a bit,” she responded.

 “You did, indeed. Your kind, listening ear is very much appreciated…”

 Before I could say anything else, Katrina took a step closer to me, reached up to touch my face with one hand, and tilting my face toward hers, planted a soft kiss on my cheek. “You’re welcome,” she whispered.

 Too shocked to speak, I stood there, frozen in place. I swallowed in an attempt to regain my voice. But before I could say a word, Katrina lowered her hand from my face and with a gentle smile, turned and started up the stairs, leaving me blinking in shock and confusion at the foot of the staircase.

 When I finally managed after a long moment to regain my composure, I sighed and headed for my room. One thing I had come to a definite conclusion about over the past two days, and that thought was this… Getting reacquainted was going to be an interesting and complicated process...


	6. Chapter 6: His Butler, Forgiven

Redemption: A Black Butler Story 

Chapter 6 - His Butler, Forgiven

 

 Upon reaching my quarters, I discovered that a bit of my earlier nervousness had returned. In an attempt to remedy this, I turned my full attention to the task at hand - making myself presentable for our guests. It simply wouldn’t do for the butler to do any less than putting his best foot forward. I couldn’t allow my feelings to cause me to misrepresent my master’s household. I needed to represent, to the best of my ability, the honour and dignity of the Phantomhive name.

 A Phantomhive butler who couldn’t do so wouldn’t be worth his salt.

 I poured some fresh water into the basin on my washstand. Removing my gloves, coat, vest, tie and shirt, I made quick work of washing up after my labours in the kitchen. The cool water was quite refreshing. I then dried off and put on a fresh shirt, tie, vest and gloves. With a final look in the mirror to make sure I was properly groomed, I donned my tailcoat, took a deep breath, and left my room to return to the kitchen, closing the door behind me.

 Pausing there in the corridor, hand still on the doorknob, I took an extra moment to further compose myself. I had not felt this way - this anxious and unsure of myself - in literally  **_ages_ ** . However, there was absolutely no avoiding the situation, so I tried to do as Katrina had suggested - to remember that here at the estate, I was surrounded by people who genuinely cared about me despite my origins. I had their support and affection no matter what happened (or how badly they messed things up on occasion trying to show it). Right now, the important thing was to take comfort in that and concentrate on properly entertaining our guests.

 Katrina and I arrived at the kitchen door at nearly the same time. Smiling at me reassuringly as I opened the door for her, she asked quietly, “Are you alright?”

 Trying to appear as if my stomach wasn’t tying itself in tight, cold knots, I replied, “I am the Phantomhive butler. It’s my  **_job_ ** to be alright, whether I truly feel that way or not. Especially when there are guests to be entertained.”

 “Well,” Katrina responded, gently touching my arm, “you are not alone.”

 “Thank you,” I told her softly. She simply nodded in reply before entering the kitchen.

 Following directly behind her, I was relieved to find that not only were the tea things Katrina and I had prepared exactly as we left them, but the rest of the kitchen had been tidied up and put back in order. The others were all there, eagerly awaiting further instructions.

 “Excellent work, everyone,” I told them as I looked around me at the surprisingly thorough job they’d done. Checking my watch, I was pleased to discover we had gotten everything done slightly ahead of schedule. “I am going to go check on the young master to see if he needs anything. If you would wait on us at the foot of the grand staircase in the entry hall, we will join you shortly to greet our guests.” I snapped my watch closed and placed it back in my vest pocket. “Stay sharp. On your best behaviour. We want to exhibit the best in Phantomhive courtesy and hospitality for our guests, understood?”

 “Yes, sir!” they replied.

 “Shall I accompany them and wait for you?” Katrina asked.

 “If you wish. I don’t expect to take very long. The young master is likely in his study. He loses track of time reading sometimes. I’ll fetch him and be down directly.”

 “Alright,” she said. Tilting her head slightly, she looked at me with care and concern. “I know you’re nervous. But you’ll be fine.” She gave my arm a gentle squeeze before turning to follow the others to the hall.

 “I certainly hope so,” I said to myself as I headed up to the young master’s study. “I certainly hope so.”

 I found my young lord exactly as I expected, sitting at his desk lost in a book.

 “‘Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea’” I said, tilting my head slightly to read the spine of the book. “The original...in French. I’m impressed.”

 “How so?” my master inquired, looking up at me as he marked his place and set the book down.

 “That you are using a work of science fiction to add to your study of the language. An interesting approach,” I responded in a slightly teasing tone.

 “If I am going to continue to study the language and enhance my ability to read and speak it, I might as well do so reading something I enjoy,” he replied - in French - with a snarky grin.

 “Touché,” I countered with a grin of my own.

 “Have the guests arrived?” he asked, switching back to English.

 “It shouldn’t be long now,” I answered.

 “Very well, then,” he said, standing up and walking around the desk to where I was. I knelt in front of him, checking the laces on his shoes, smoothing his coat, retying and straightening his tie. “Am I presentable?” he inquired jokingly.

 “Of course you are, my lord. Allowing you to present yourself to guests in any other state would reflect terribly on my skills as your butler. Therefore, I would never allow you to be seen in an unpresentable state.” My sarcasm was not lost on my young master.

 “I see. So it’s out of concern for how others would judge  **_your_ ** capability as my butler rather than how your  **_master_ ** would be judged for his untidy appearance that motivates you?” he poked back just as sarcastically.

 “I prefer to think of those two motivations as one in the same,” I explained, “since both are equally affected by my ability to take care that your appearance is satisfactory.” Finished with my task, I stood and gave him a smug grin.

 Scoffing at our verbal sparring, my young master crossed his arms and glared at me. I could see the amusement behind the angry façade, though, as he tried not to crack a smile. “Feel better now?” he asked.

 “Pardon?” My expression quickly shifted from snide to confused.

 “I know you’re anxious about this,” he said, his own expression softening into concern. Shrugging slightly he explained. “Just trying to, well, keep things ‘normal’ I suppose...to help you to not worry…”

 Leave it to my young master to use our typical sarcastic bantering to bring some levity into a stressful situation; our usual witty repartee to alleviate my nervousness, even if only temporarily. I found myself smiling at him. Placing my right hand on my chest and inclining my head, I said softly, “Thank you, my lord.”

 “You’re welcome,” he replied, smiling back. “Now, I believe we have guests to give a warm Phantomhive welcome to…”

 “Yes, my lord,” I responded, following him to the door and opening it for him to go ahead of me. It was as we approached the grand staircase that I caught the faint sound of a carriage making its way up the drive; the distant noises of hoofbeats, the creak and rattle of wheels. “They are not far off,” I told my young master as we descended the stairs. “It won’t be long now.”

 We took our place at the foot of the stairs, with me standing slightly behind my young master. Bard, Mey-Rin and Finny were standing in a row to my right on the other side of the staircase. Tanaka was waiting by the door, ready to open it and receive our guests. Katrina was standing to my left behind Ciel. She reached over to gently touch my left elbow, letting me know she was there and she cared. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as the carriage approached and stopped in the courtyard. The sound of the carriage door opening, followed by the muffled voices of Danyael and Nathan as they exited the carriage and climbed the manor steps reached my sensitive ears and set my heart pounding regardless of the attempt. Then Tanaka was opening the door…

 “Welcome to the Phantomhive Estate,” he was saying, with a polite incline of his head.  **_My_ ** head was reeling as I tried to remember to breathe.

 Other than dressing in the current London fashion, Danyael and Nathan looked exactly as I remembered them. Danyael’s long, wavy, chestnut-coloured hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail. He had one of those faces - open and honest, with delicate features like most Angels, that still managed to convey a masculine strength and instantly inspired trust. His long lashes framed sky blue eyes that clearly stated what he was feeling, no guile or deceit. His well tailored brown tweed suit hung perfectly on his slender athletic frame. While only slightly taller than me, he was a bit broader through the shoulders and slightly more muscular than I was. Handsome, strong and loyal. Warrior Angel through and through.

 Nathan stepped through the door right behind Danyael. If Danyael was the perfect example of a Warrior, Nathan was the same for the Scholars. It was obvious that he and Katrina were related. Same fair skin and chisled features - high cheekbones and delicate bone structure - along with the wavy silver hair, which Nathan wore just down past his shoulders. His eyes weren’t blue, though. They were green. A green that brought to mind wild untouched forest or rich Chinese jade. Like a clear mountain pool reflecting the surrounding trees they were deep and tranquil, revealing an intelligent, thoughtful soul that like Katrina’s was full of kindness and compassion. He wore his charcoal gray suit well, its faint silver pinstriping complimenting his fair hair. Slightly shorter that both Danyael and myself, he and Katrina could pass as siblings instead of cousins with their hair colour and similar willowy builds.

 I could feel myself trembling as they approached. My young master took a small step forward and extended his hand towards Danyael, keeping himself positioned between us. He was - and bless him for thinking to do so - keeping Danyael from having contact with me until I could be certain of maintaining my composure.

 “Greetings, and welcome to my home,” he was saying. “I am Earl Ciel Phantomhive.”

 “Thank you for your gracious hospitality at such short notice,” Danyael replied, shaking my young master’s hand. “I am Danyael Leonidis, and this is Nathan Jacobius, Katrina’s cousin.”

 “It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” my master responded, shaking Nathan’s hand as well. “May I introduce the rest of my household? The gentleman who greeted you at the door is Mr. Tanaka, who served as my father’s butler and is now house steward. And this is our cook, Bard, our maid, Mey-Rin, and our gardener, Finnian - who goes by Finny.” He paused, allowing everyone to get acquainted, then turned back to me. “I believe you already know my butler, Sebastian Michaelis.”

 Danyael and Nathan had politely followed my young master’s lead, giving me time to adjust to their presence before directly interacting with me. As we finally made eye contact for the first time in centuries, it occurred to me that they may have needed those few moments just as much as I did.

 As Danyael approached, I could feel my hands trembling, sweating inside my gloves. I swallowed nervously as he stepped up to me and extended his hand. I reached out to take his, to return his handshake, not quite knowing what to expect. I felt his hand close around mine in that oddly familiar strong, warm grip and his scent - the clean smell of earth and forest - reached my nose. Memories of our shared past flashed through my mind in a disconcerting rush that left me momentarily frozen and speechless.

 “Sebastian.” He spoke my name with such warmth and affection, even after all this time. Even after what I’d done. “It is so good to finally see you again.” Placing his other hand over mine, enfolding it between his, he gave it a gentle squeeze. I reflexively squeezed back, and somehow managed to find my voice and speak softly past the lump in my throat.

 “Likewise,” I replied, smiling nervously. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

 He chuckled quietly. “You haven’t either. Except for your hair. You shortened it. It suits you. Doesn’t it, Nathan?” Danyael released my hand to allow Nathan to greet me.

 “Indeed. Hello, Sebastian,” Nathan said as we shook hands. “I am glad to see you are well.”

 “Thank you,” I responded, unsure of what else to say. I was once again grateful to my young master for speaking up before things could become awkward.

 “Sebastian and the others have worked hard to prepare a wonderful afternoon tea. Since the weather is so nice today, I thought we’d take it outside overlooking the gardens.”

 “That sounds lovely,” Danyael agreed.

 “Excellent. If you will follow me…”

 Katrina softly touched my arm as she moved to follow Danyael and Nathan as they in turn were following my young lord through the house to the back lawn. Still checking on me. Still showing concern. So kind…

 So beautiful.

 ‘Not the time to be thinking like that,’ I told myself. ‘No distractions. You’re the butler to the Phantomhive family. You have a job to do!’

 While Tanaka and Finny escorted the young master and our guests outside, Bard and Mey-Rin accompanied me to the kitchen to get everything that we’d prepared for tea. It was then that I noticed that Mey-Rin seemed a bit, well, ‘distracted.’

 “Mey-Rin,” I said, attempting to get her attention. She had a dazed expression on her face. “ _ Mey-Rin _ ,” I repeated a bit more firmly.

 “Oh! Uhm...yes? Sorry! You were saying?” she responded, blushing.

 “Nothing, yet,” I told her. “I wanted to make certain you were paying attention before I started. I don’t want to waste time repeating myself unnecessarily…”

 “Y-y-yes sir, Mr. Sebastian!”

 “Pay attention, then,” I admonished. Seriously. She could be such a scatterbrain. Although in this case, I suppose I should cut her a tiny bit of slack. It’s not often that humans are subjected to the presence of something divine. In human form or not, beings of a divine nature have an effect on the human mind. I sighed. Especially if the human has a particular weakness of some sort…

 “Whatever you need us to do, Sebastian, we’ll do it. You can count on us! Right, Mey-Rin?” Bard interjected. So eager to help. Why did that worry me?

 “Alright, you two. Listen up. Bard, I need for you to carry this folding serving table outside and set it off to the right side of where the young master is sitting. Make  **_certain_ ** that the legs are securely latched in place. Mey-Rin, take that small tablecloth and once Bard has the table in place, drape that over the top. I’ll be right behind you carrying the tray with the tea and refreshments.” I paused a moment to gauge just how well my instructions had sunk in. “Now, let’s get to it!”

 “Yes, sir!”

 I sighed, internally cringing and visualising my fingers crossed, hoping that the simplicity of the tasks I’d given them wouldn’t end up being a jinx that brought all my careful planning and hard work to naught. Well, there was nothing to do but proceed and do the best I could with what I had as far as help went…

 Following them outside, I tried not to let my nervousness over the whole affair get the better of me. Concentrating on my job - and on making sure they performed theirs - kept my mind just occupied enough to stave off the anxiety I could feel building up.

 Surprisingly enough, Bard and Mey-Rin successfully set up the small serving table without incident, and I carefully set my silver tray with all of the tea things down to begin serving everyone. I caught myself letting out a sigh of relief, realising that I had been practically holding my breath in anticipation of some imagined catastrophe involving Bard and Mey-Rin managing to...well...surely I don’t need to elaborate.

 As expected, The conversation had already taken an interesting turn; as I placed the tiered plate stand with the sandwiches, bread, butter and jam on it in the center of the table, Danyael asked Ciel a question.

 “So...Lord Phantomhive…”

 “Please, call me Ciel,” my young master responded. “I prefer things a bit less formal. Especially for friends of Sebastian’s.”

 “Very well. Ciel, then. Katrina told me very little about the situation with this cult and the dagger that inflicted Sebastian’s injuries. How did someone as - pardon the observation - someone as young as yourself come to be involved in this?”

 My young master looked thoughtful as I poured him a cup of tea. He added cream and sugar, stirred it, then took a sip before deciding how much to reveal.

 “The Phantomhive family serves the Queen. The Crown. We police the underworld of London. Our paths intersected at some point in the distant past.”

 “That’s quite a responsibility,” Danyael remarked. “Especially for someone who is how old?” he asked, taking a sip of his own tea.

 “I am thirteen,” Ciel said. “But I’ve been Earl since I was ten.”

 “So young,” Nathan said softly, his tone gentle and kind. “What happened that you had to take the title so early in your life?”

 “This cult...they...killed my family.” The table went quiet. “I am trying to stop the same fate from happening to others.”

 “I see,” Danyael said quietly. He looked at Ciel apologetically. “I didn’t mean to get into such a serious topic of discussion so quickly. I was just concerned. It’s not every day one runs across a weapon capable of doing serious harm to one such as Sebastian…”

 “I understand your concern,” my young master replied. “I am aware of both what he is and that you know as well. It eases my mind to know that he has friends who, despite his origins, still care enough to show that concern.”

 Danyael’s eyes widened slightly. It was obvious that he was a bit surprised at that response from my master. His comment ‘one such as’ had apparently been chosen to somewhat determine the extent of Ciel’s knowledge of my origin. I don’t believe he was quite expecting the answer he received. The fact that the rest of the household staff was present to hear it was not lost on him either.

 “So you  **_and_ ** your household  **_all_ ** know?” He looked at me then. “That’s a little...unusual.”

 “My staff have other...skill sets. They are ideally suited to dealing with any incidents that arise due to dealing with things the duty of my family requires,” Ciel explained. “I felt it was in everyone’s best interest to know.”

 “You have an excellent team, then,” Danyael said, looking back at Ciel. “I am impressed.”

 “They are very much a family,” Katrina interjected.

 “That is a good thing,” Nathan added. “One in Ciel’s position - fighting evil - needs to be surrounded by people they trust and care about. That kind of support is of the utmost importance.”

 “So true,” Danyael agreed. “But that doesn’t explain how Sebastian became involved. I am going to assume,” he said, looking at me again, “that you are either contracted  **_by_ ** someone to look after Ciel, or  **_to_ ** someone in this household?”

 I had to swallow hard before answering. “I suppose you could say it’s both,” I started, looking at my young master. We made eye contact and he nodded. “The young master is the one who holds the Contract,” I spoke softly. Maintaining eye contact, Ciel gave me a slightly sad smile.

 “I accidentally summoned him while attempting a discernment spell shortly after my parents’ death,” He explained.

 Danyael was literally gaping in shock. Nathan set his cup down, blinking and looking totally dumbfounded. Giving my young master a nearly identical smile back, I replied, “You draw one hell of a containment circle.”

 Chuckling softly he responded, “You would know.”

 Nathan shook his head in confusion. “How is that even possible?”

 “It shouldn’t be,” Danyael said in a worried tone.

 “The circumstances were quite extraordinary,” Katrina stated. Looking at Ciel, she asked softly, “Would you like for me to explain?”

 So perceptive, as usual. She could tell that my young master was dreading a re-telling of those events. Listening to her tell it would be easier than doing it himself so soon after having already done so just the other evening. Breathing a sigh of relief, he simply nodded.

 It was a bit strange, listening to Katrina tell our story. Like my young master, she was an excellent story-teller, and she presented our tale with such empathy and respect for all we’d been through. Danyael and Nathan were a captive audience, hanging on her every word, taking in every detail. They truly wanted to understand what had happened, although their reason for doing so wouldn’t be clear to me until later.

 When Katrina finished her telling of events, I quietly removed the nearly empty plate stand from the table and replaced it with the covered cake stand that held the Battenberg cake. Everyone was quiet for a moment or two, still contemplating things. It was Ciel who broke the silence when I removed the cover from the cake.

 “I do believe you’ve outdone yourself today, Sebastian,” he said. “It’s almost a shame to have to cut it.”

“Thank you, young master,” I answered, “but Katrina helped…”

 “I just made the icing,” she interrupted. “You did everything else.”

 “The help was still appreciated,” I responded.

 “If it tastes as good as it looks, I’ll be truly impressed,” Ciel said in a teasing tone.

 “You wound me with such lack of faith in my baking skills,” I replied, placing a hand on my chest in a gesture of feigning hurt feelings, my expression one of mock distress.

 My young master has developed quite the talent for using sarcasm - usually at my expense - to lighten up awkward situations. If I didn’t strongly suspect that I may have had a hand in the development of said talent, I would be sorely tempted at times to take steps to curb his use of it. However, he did know better than to dish out more than he could take from me in return. Come to think of it, we had both learned over the past three years just how far we could go with our banter; learned to respect each others’ boundaries and not push our tolerance for such things too far. That didn’t mean we weren’t still quite sarcastic with one another at times, but it was governed by an underlying sense of, well, friendship, I suppose?

 He called me family.

 Family implied affection.

 Affectionate sarcasm? Was that even a thing? Perhaps it was - at least with us. A way of calling each others’ bluff, saying ‘I’m going to act like I don’t care, because I really do but I’m terrible at actually expressing it. And I know you’re the same…’

 Shaking my head, I dismissed that train of thought. There would be time for contemplating such things later. Giving my young master a slight smile, I said, “Shall I cut the cake?”

 Gesturing for me to do so, my young master spoke to Danyael and Nathan. “Sebastian really does make the best desserts. Next time I shall have him make his chocolate gateau. It’s my personal favourite.”

 “My young master loves chocolate in general,” I explained. “If it weren't for myself and Tanaka, I believe he would eat nothing else.” I gave him a teasing look. He rolled his eyes in response. Danyael chuckled.

 “If your baking skills are as good as he says, who could blame him for wanting to?” he said as I served the cake. At least the topic of dessert food had lightened things up a bit. For the time being, that is. I knew the topic of my Contract with Ciel and how to deal with what was going on with the Dark Legion was not a closed discussion. It was simply put on hold temporarily.

 Little did I know, but the fragile sense of peace we were enjoying was soon to be shattered. It was but the proverbial calm before the storm.

 For now, however, we could enjoy our tea and cake, unaware of where the storm was brewing or how soon it would strike. Perhaps these moments are what prepare us for the storm - what reminds us when that storm rolls in that it’s these exact moments and the possibility of future ones like them that are worth fighting for.

 The cake was a tremendous success. I must say, it gave me a great deal of satisfaction - made me happy - to see everyone enjoying it.

 After everyone finished eating, my young master inquired about Danyael and Nathan’s arrangements for a place to stay. “Do you have accommodations in London?” he asked. “Or will you be staying elsewhere?”

 “We were going to find somewhere to stay in the city,” Danyael explained, “but we came straight here first. Do you have a recommendation?”

 “Hmmm…” My master was obviously considering this very carefully. I suddenly knew without any doubt exactly what he was thinking. It would be easier to enlist their help with the research if they stayed here, with us. He looked up at me. I shrugged slightly, then nodded. “You could just stay here, if that would be a suitable arrangement,” he said, shifting his gaze to Danyael.

 “That is a very generous offer,” Danyael responded. “I would hate to be an inconvenience to you and your household…”

 “Consider it compensation, then, for aiding us with the research on the dagger and the Dark Legion,” Ciel replied with a shrug.

 “I don’t require compensation for helping a friend,” Danyael said with a smile. “Alright. If you’re certain about it, we’ll stay.”

 “Excellent,” my young lord said, standing as I began to clear the table. “Tanaka and Bard can help you get settled in while Sebastian and Mey-Rin clean up. Then perhaps we can meet in the library for a few minutes before dinner and discuss what we’ve found so far.”

 Following Ciels’ lead, Danyael, Nathan and Katrina stood to follow him back to the house. Tanaka and Finny were walking towards us, ready to help with the clean-up. The young master gave them instructions; Finny to stay and help take the table and chairs back inside, and Tanaka to accompany our guests with Bard to retrieve their luggage and show them to their guest quarters. Then he turned back to me.

 “Sebastian, after you see to it that tidying up is well in hand, please join us in the library.”

 Inclining my head politely, I responded, “Yes, my lord.” When I looked up, Danyael was gazing at me, mixed emotions in his eyes, and my heart skipped a beat.

 Affection. Worry. Sadness. A blend of I’m-so-glad-to-see-you-alive-but-I-fear-for-you. My anxiety level suddenly spiked, making my mouth feel dry and my hands tremble. He knew something. Danyael knew something that he wasn’t yet at liberty to discuss with me. What startled me the most about the feeling was that my first thought wasn’t for my own safety or well-being.

 It was for my young master’s.

 Struggling to keep my anxiety in check, I saw to it that the tidying up was well underway before making my way to the library to meet up with the others. My protectiveness towards my young master was being intensified by the situation that was brewing, and I had a powerful urge to remain as close to him as possible. I couldn’t explain it, but it caused me to pick up my pace; quickening my steps and lengthening my stride.

 Upon reaching the library, I found the atmosphere a bit more relaxed than I expected. Everyone was seated around the table where Katrina, Ciel and I had examined the letter; Danyael and Nathan were apparently asking questions for clarification - on points of our investigation into Tenebris Legio, our Contract and relationship since then, and who else was involved and knew what I was. The discussion was relaxed and civil, curiosity with no hint of hostility or anger, so I quietly approached and once acknowledged by my young master, took the seat next to him to his left where he indicated for me to sit. It was then that I saw what was on the table between Ciel and Danyael, and I couldn’t help but smile.

It was a single piece of paper with a drawing on it. A drawing that anyone familiar with dealing with the supernatural would instantly recognise.

 A perfect protection circle.

 “Well,” my young master said, “now that Sebastian is here…”

 “He can help us,” Danyael finished, grinning at me a bit more mischievously than made me comfortable.

 “Help with what, exactly?” I inquired.

 “To test it,” Nathan spoke up. “We were curious and wanted to see just how good Ciel’s containment circle was.”

 “Ah,” I said. “I’m afraid I don’t see how we can test such a small circle on a piece of paper…”

 “Burn it.”

 Turning abruptly to look at my master, I must have looked more than a bit confused. “Pardon?”

 “Demons can control fire to some degree, yes? So conjure a small flame and burn the paper with it,” he said, gazing at me with perfect calm, as if his request were a perfectly normal, everyday thing.

 “Young master,” I began in a calm reasonable tone, “this manor has already burned down once. I would really rather not be responsible for the possibility…”

 “You wound me with such lack of faith in my skill at drawing containment circles,” he cut me off with a grin. “And after you’ve experienced its effectiveness first hand…”

 I sighed. “Very well, young master.” I removed my gloves, held out my hand and stood up. “The paper, please.” Handing me the piece of paper, my young master then turned his chair slightly to better be able to watch while maintaining a safe distance. Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves and my hands, I held the paper by its edge with my right hand and extended my left beneath it, palm up. Concentrating on my own aura and the energy it produced, I focused it at a point in the center of my palm, increasing the temperature in that tightly controlled space until…

_ WHOOSH. _

__ The small tongue of flame hovered in the palm of my hand, intensely focused heat prickling my skin, but not burning it. The center of the paper however, was not immune, and caught rather quickly, flaring and beginning to smoulder right in the center of Ciel’s precisely drawn circle. Everyone seated at the table leaned forward slightly in anticipation, collectively holding their breath as they observed the flame steadily burning its way through the paper, widening the hole towards the edge of the inside of that arcane drawing. Crackling and smoking, the fire consumed the paper like a hungry, living thing right up to where the ink marked the page and then…

_ Pssshhht… _

 Snuffed out so suddenly that everyone - myself included - twitched, the flame vanished with barely a puff of smoke to testify to its existence. After a brief moment of stunned silence, Danyael let out a low whistle, then spoke a single word. “Impressive.”

 “Will the outer edge do the same, I wonder…” Nathan speculated softly.

 Shrugging, I replied, “We can certainly find out.” Shifting my left hand so that the small flame I still cradled there aligned with an outer corner of the paper, I allowed the fire to catch on the page once more. It steadily burned through right up to the circle’s edge, just like with the center before snuffing out in the exact same way as soon as it touched the ink. Repeating the process on all four corners, I was soon left holding a perfect ring of paper containing Ciel’s perfectly drawn containment circle, which I gently laid down on the table for everyone to examine. Closing my left hand to extinguish the flame, I then put my gloves back on and sat back down beside my young master.

 “That’s incredible,” Danyael said, using one finger to slide the circle closer to him and Nathan to examine it more closely. As Nathan began to inspect it, Danyael looked up at me. “And this is just on paper. I can see how you would would be thoroughly trapped by a large one reinforced with sea salt, especially if it was  drawn as well as this smaller version.”

 “It’s beautifully rendered, even at this size,” Nathan remarked.

 “I keep a small sketchbook in my desk,” my young master explained. “I practice regularly to maintain the skill.”

 “It shows,” Nathan commented.

 “We actually have a similar barrier set up around the manor,” Ciel said. “Sebastian and I came up with the design.”

 “Really?” Danyael sounded intrigued. “I wonder if that’s what we felt coming up the drive…” he speculated, looking over at Nathan.

 “Possibly,” I said. “What did it feel like? A human - unless they are unusually sensitive - wouldn’t likely detect it…” I caught myself before implying that Danyael and Nathan were anything other than human. But I was curious as to what it felt like to an Angel, since it was specifically designed to keep out those of supernatural origin who wished to do anyone in the Phantomhive household harm. Humans could still pass through regardless, but not without my knowledge, allowing me time to respond to non-supernatural threats as well. Ciel thought of it as a sort of alarm system, not fully understanding the particulars of how it worked.It just made him feel more secure knowing it was there.

 But I was the one who had set it up, so I knew. And I was definitely interested in the effect it may have had.

 “It was a vague sense of...pressure?” Nathan looked at Danyael, as if to confirm that they’d both experienced the same sensation.

 “Yes,” Danyael agreed. “Accompanied by a slight buzzing or vibration. It dissipated fairly fairly quickly. Had us wondering if we’d just imagined it, except for the fact that we both felt it.”

 “Interesting…” I mused.

 “At least we know it works,” my young master said with a slight shrug.

 “Indeed…” I hesitantly agreed. So why the sudden nagging feeling that I was missing something important considering this information about the barrier? Unable to ascertain the reason for the feeling, I shrugged it off for the time being.

 “Well,” Katrina began, “why don’t I show Nathan where I’ve left off sorting things in here…”

 “I can help,” Ciel piped up, “since I still have that small trunk over there to unpack.”

 “Alright,” Katrina agreed.

 “And I can talk to Sebastian about some things...before he has to begin dinner preparations,” Danyael added, catching Nathan’s eye before looking over at me. The anxious feeling from earlier suddenly returned. Did this have anything to do with how he had looked at me - so worried - on the way back to the house after tea?

 “Certainly,” I responded, hoping my nervousness didn’t show too badly. “Perhaps a walk in the gardens?”

 “Perfect,” Danyael said as he rose from his seat. I stood as well, turning to my young master.

 “With your permission, my lord…”

 “Of course,” my young master said with a wave of his hand in the general direction of the door. “I am certain you have a great deal to discuss, having not seen each other for so long.”

 ‘You have no idea, young master,’ I thought as I gave him a slight incline of my head before making my way to the door to open it for Danyael. “After you,” I said softly, gesturing for him to go through ahead of me. He nodded his thanks, and I followed shortly behind, closing the door after us. “I need to make a brief stop in the kitchen, first, if you don’t mind?” I told Danyael.

 “That’s fine. Far be it from me to keep you from properly performing your duties as butler,” he replied with a smile.

 Smiling back, trying to remain friendly despite my anxiety, I thanked him and headed in the direction of the kitchen, Danyael walking quietly beside me.

 Upon reaching the kitchen, I discovered that Tanaka had things well in hand. Unsurprising, really - the former butler always managed to anticipate my needs as well as the needs of the rest of the household, for which I was extremely grateful.

 After making several small adjustments to the menu, I left things in Tanaka’s capable hands and resumed my walk to the gardens with Danyael. We exited the manor and made our way to the central ‘hub’ of the gardens. I stopped and turned to Danyael.

 “Which direction appeals to you?” I asked, gesturing towards the center with its many branches.

 “I take it that each of these paths ends in its own miniature, unique garden?”

 “Correct.”

 “What a beautiful concept,” Danyael mused aloud. “Well, since we likely don’t have the time to take a full tour before dinner...let’s go that way for now,” he said, pointing towards a path to the right.

 I swear my heart skipped a beat and I momentarily forgot to breathe. The path he’d chosen was none other than the one leading to Ciel’s mother’s garden.

 Swallowing in an attempt to regain my voice, I managed to speak quietly, “That is an excellent choice. This particular little garden is quite special to my young master.”

 “Oh? How so?”

 “Let us walk in that direction while I explain…”

 So as we headed down the path, I told Danyael the story behind this particular garden space. As we approached the entrance, he paused to take in the sight before him with respect. I looked over at Danyael to see him smiling in...approval?

 “I wish I could tell him…” he began, but didn’t finish.

 “Tell him what?”

 Danyael turned to look at me. “That she’s happy,” he replied, gesturing at the statue. “They both are. And they love him and will be there when it’s his time. But I can’t. Not until he knows what I am and asks me himself. But it makes me glad to see that he still loves them and honours their memory by keeping things like this to remember them by.”

 “He would never forget,” I whispered. “Even if the manor and all of this were gone tomorrow he would always remember them.”

 “I know,” Danyael responded softly. “His tale is a tragic one. But fortunately, he has you. Which brings me to what I need to discuss with you.”

 “Shall we sit in the gazebo to talk?” I suggested. My heartrate had quickened with his words. I had a feeling I would need to be seated for this discussion.

 “Certainly.”

We walked in silence around Rachael’s statue and approached the gazebo. Upon reaching it, I stepped aside to allow Danyael to enter first. He sat down on the seat to the left of the entrance, so I took a seat on the one to the right, facing him.

 “Before we delve into what it is you wish to discuss, may I ask you something?” I asked.

 “Alright,” Danyael replied.

 “How much  **_did_ ** Katrina tell you before you arrived? You knew who Rachael Phantomhive was when you saw her statue, so I’m just curious.”

 “Before she treated your injuries, right after having a conversation with Ciel - I’m guessing while you were away from the manor trying to find the other Fallen - she sent me a short message. She told me only that she had found you, and that you were ‘employed’ as a butler to the Phantomhive family in England.” Shrugging, he paused, then continued. “I found that curious, so I found out who the Phantomhives were. I discovered that Vincent and Rachael were deceased and looked in on them. That’s all. I found it intriguing that their family was known for fighting evil, and it made me wonder what your connection was. Now I know.”

 “I see.”

 “I have to admit, I was a little surprised.”

 “Why is that?”

 “A Fallen as a butler,” Danyael chuckled softly. “You have to admit, it certainly sounds peculiar. But in this case, it’s the perfect cover.”

 “It allows me to stay close to my young master without arousing suspicion,” I explained.

 “Yes, it does. For what, three years now?”

 I nodded. Danyael went quiet, obviously thinking. Beginning to feel nervous again, I asked, “Is that important? And if so, why?” When he looked up at me, my stomach lurched. He had that worried look on his face again, concern in his eyes.

 “It could be,” he said quietly. “I know you have to be familiar with the ‘unspoken’ rule involving Contracts with children…”

 I felt my already impeccable posture stiffen even further, my back and shoulders going rigid as all my defenses came up. A human wouldn’t have noticed the difference, but Danyael wasn’t human. “I am well aware of that particular ‘rule,’” I responded, my tone clearly showing both my confusion over where Danyael was going with this and warning him that he was treading on dangerous ground. Quickly catching my discomfort with the direction things were headed, Danyael held up both hands in a gesture meant to placate.

 “I am not being accusatory, or in any way implying that you did anything…”

 “Wrong?” I finished for him, my bitter tone making him flinch. “We both know that Angels consider all Contracts ‘wrong’ so say what you brought me out here to say.”

 For a moment we both went quiet, and suddenly, we were right back in that forest, centuries past; we were taking the same stance, same tone…

 I abruptly noticed that I was having a difficult time breathing, and my vision had begun to blur. I placed my right hand on my chest, feeling my heart pounding beneath my palm, and my left hand on the post that framed the gazebo entrance. Gripping the doorframe, I managed to get to my feet and stagger outside.

 How I stayed on my feet is anyone’s guess. I stood there, the afternoon turning into evening; around me the garden shadows were darkening further as the sun began to sink behind the trees. Gasping for breath in the cooling air, fighting the urge to cry or scream or both at once, I flinched at the feeling of a gentle hand on my back, just below my left shoulderblade.

 “Sebastian…” The way he spoke my name, with such concern, nearly undid me.

 “I’m sorry,” I whispered. As soon as the words left my lips, the floodgate opened. “I’m sorry, Danyael...so sorry…”

 “It would help if I understood what you are apologising for…”

 Was he being serious? How could he  **_not_ ** know? “For being so cruel to you,” I barely forced the words past the tightness in my throat before the sobs began in ernest. “You were trying, doing your best to help me and I threw it back in your face…”

 “Sebastian,” Danyael said, moving to stand in front of me, gently holding on to both of my arms just above my elbows. “That was  **_centuries_ ** ago. And I understood that you were…”

 “No…” I shook my head. “Don’t make excuses for my behaviour, Danyael. I was awful to you. To  **_you_ ** ...my best friend. And that’s not the worst of it…” Unable to stop now, I confessed. I told him how I had slipped back to the clearing and witnessed his fight with Simeon. He listened, still holding onto my arms, until I finished. Then he did something I never would have expected.

 He smiled at me. With tears in his eyes, and a grin on his face, he tightened his hold on my arms and shook me slightly. “I knew it!” he said. Sniffing, I blinked in confusion, staring at him.

 “What?”

 “I just  **_knew_ ** you were there. Somewhere,” he replied. “Your scent...it was still there, and too strong for you to have left.”

 “But...I don’t understand...why didn’t you…” I knew what his answer would be before I finished asking the question. I closed my eyes against a fresh wave of tears as Danyael answered.

 “Come looking for you? Would you, at that moment in time, have been receptive to anything I could have said?” As gently as he asked that question it still hurt, because I knew as well as he did that the answer was no. “I knew you needed time and space to sort things. I just never imagined that you would so completely walk away. I failed to see just how deeply you were hurting. If I had realised that, I might have acted differently. Can you forgive me for that, Sebastian?”

 I opened my eyes to look at him, unsure for a moment if I had, indeed, heard him correctly. “You...you’re asking for...for  **_my_ ** forgiveness?” I barely managed to keep my voice above a whisper.

 “Yes, I am,” he responded softly. “For failing to stand up for you more, and for not perceiving clearly how much you needed me to do so. Please?”

 “But, I should be the one begging for  **_you_ ** to forgive  **_me_ ** …”

 “There is nothing to forgive,” Danyael said, squeezing my arms again. “But if you need to hear me say it aloud, then I will. I forgive you, Sebastian. I forgave you that very day, and I have missed you and prayed for your safety every day since.”

 My heart felt like it was breaking. All that pain and anger I had felt when I lashed out at him felt as if it was dealing back the blow tenfold. He had already forgiven me and I had repayed that by running away and deliberately forcing myself to forget everything. Including the friend who had never forgotten or stopped caring about me. The shame and guilt were nearly too much to bear.

 Sinking to my knees, I began to cry again, covering my face with both hands. Chest-wrenching, heartbroken sobs that came from a truly broken place - a place originating in a calm forest clearing, on a lovely fall day ages past, when I had done something that should have been unforgivable.

 Danyael never let go. He sank to the ground too, kneeling with me and pulling me into his arms. He embraced me, holding my head against his shoulder as my centuries-old grief was finally released.

 I felt as if Danyael were to let go of me, I would shatter into a million shards of glass. Black and crimson glass...which the other servants would sweep up and place in a fancy crystal container of some sort to display on the mantle like humans do with loved one’s ashes sometimes. ‘Oh, that,’ they would say, ‘those lovely shards of glass were once our butler, Sebastian Michaelis. He shattered a while back...broken heart. Unusual way to go for a Demon, but there you have it…’

 Oddly enough, it was that thought...the thought of them caring enough to keep my shattered self close by that started to bring me around. The realisation that there was something - several somethings, actually - that were the glue holding my broken self together. It started with a small voice, a ten-year-old voice, speaking softly in the back of my mind…

_ ‘Stay...stay there, Sebastian, until I fall asleep…’ _

__ **_He_ ** needed me. That was the first thing. Next came my newly rediscovered feelings for Katrina. It would break her heart all over again if something happened to me. And third, Danyael - my best friend - had forgiven me.

 Lowering my hands from my face, I returned Danyael’s embrace as my sobs slowly tapered off, clinging to him for support. I was trembling harder than I first realised, and leaning into him was likely all that was keeping me from falling.

 As for Danyael, he didn’t speak, but simply held me, his presence alone being the comfort I needed. The irony was not lost on me. An Angel - the personification of all that is good and kind, compassion and strength - offering that love and grace as comfort to one of the Fallen.

 When I finally managed to pull myself together enough to sit back and wipe my face, I was a bit shocked to discover it was nearly dark. The sun had slipped below the tree line, and the sky was turning a rich velvety indigo studded with the diamond sparkle of the brightest of the stars just beginning to show themselves.

 “Are you going to be alright?” Danyael asked gently, still holding onto my arms.

 “I believe so,” I replied softly, the embarrassment over losing control of my emotions setting in. “I’m terribly sorry for this...it’s not at all like me to…” I trailed off, too ashamed to continue, and sighing in defeat, gave Danyael a rather sheepish look. “I imagine I look quite disgraceful.”

 “Nonsense,” Danyael scoffed. “Dealing with grief is natural - there’s nothing disgraceful about it.” Standing up, he extended a hand, offering me assistance to do the same. “Are you able to stand?”

 Grasping his hand, I allowed him to help me to my feet. “Still a little shaky, but I should be fine in a moment or two,” I responded.

 “Shall we sit for a few minutes?” Danyael asked, gesturing towards the gazebo. I merely nodded and we walked the few steps back there to sit and talk. This time, though, as I took my seat on the right-hand side, Danyael stepped just past me to sit beside me to my right. We sat there in silence for a little while, watching the sky continue to darken as the sun approached the horizon behind the trees. I was trying to work up the courage to ask him why he had needed to talk to me in the first place. He seemed to perceive this, and was giving me time to sort my thoughts. Finally, I cleared my throat and spoke.

 “Whatever you need to tell me must be of some significance - important - for you to go out of your way like this,” I said.

 Danyael sighed. “I almost hesitate to go into it now, after seeing you so upset,” he began. “But there’s really no helping that, I’m afraid. It’s information you need to be made aware of. For your own safety.”

 That sent a chill down my spine, making me shiver. “I have other’s safety to consider as well,” I told him. He nodded. 

 “Especially Ciel’s,” he agreed. “Which is part of why this is so important. To start with, Simeon has been re-elected as head of the council.” Danyael paused, gauging my reaction to this information.

 “That doesn’t really surprise me,” I said with a shrug. “He’s charismatic and a leader others are willing to follow. I don’t agree with...well...we both know what. But I won’t deny his talent for leadership.”

 Danyael breathed what I strongly suspected was a sigh of relief. “Good. Because he is the one keeping the leader of the Hunter’s Guild in check.”

 That got my undivided attention. “Is there trouble amongst their ranks? That could be a problem…” Danyael was already shaking his head.

 “No. No trouble within the Guild. But there could be ...issues...with the Fallen.”

 “There are always ‘issues’ with the Fallen,” I replied bitterly. “It sort of comes along with being one.”

 “This has to do with the criteria for being put on a Hunter’s list,” Danyael clarified. “They’re getting tougher - taking a stronger stance - on punishing certain behaviours.”

 “Such as?” My heart was pounding again. I had a sinking feeling that I already knew the answer I was going to get.

 “Contracts with anyone not of age - children - are expressly prohibited. It’s no longer an ‘unspoken’ rule. Your case is unique, of course,” he clarified, noticing my increased nervousness. “And  **_you_ ** don’t have a  **_history_ ** of preying on children. Each case has to be reviewed carefully. I don’t believe you will have anything to worry about. But I wanted you to be prepared in the event that they send someone to look into your Contract with Ciel. In the event of that possibility, I would personally vouch for you - speak on your behalf. I will not fail to stand up for you again.”

 I took a moment to process what Danyael had told me. Hunters are a specialised class of Warrior Angel. Their sole purpose is to hunt down and Banish those Fallen who have become truly evil and who present a serious danger to Humanity and/or Creation. One of the easiest ways to end up on a Hunter’s list would be preying on the truly innocent who cannot defend themselves. Children.

 Like Ciel.

 I tried to take some comfort in the fact that Danyael had promised to aid us should anything happen. After all, There was really nothing else I could do. But my anxiety persisted, despite his reassurances. I had learned over the centuries to trust my gut instinct, and that instinct was telling me that we were missing something - overlooking a vital piece of information…

 Sighing, I tried to shake it off, knowing that getting all worked up over it - whatever ‘it’ was - wouldn’t solve anything. “Well,” I said, “I appreciate you making me aware of the situation.” What else could I say?

 Danyael placed a hand on my shoulder. “I **_will_** be here for you. And for Ciel. It is obvious the bond you share is a special one. I can’t say how, but it feels like it was meant to be; like you two needed each other. I won’t allow what the two of you have been through to have been in vain. You two have a purpose. I don’t know what it is yet, but time will tell. And I will not abandon you.”

 I smiled...the expression both sad and ironic. “So the Fallen and his master have a ‘guardian angel’?” Danyael smiled a genuine smile of affection back.

 “Yes. Self-appointed, maybe, but yes. You do.”

 Suddenly, I felt better somehow. Not only had Danyael forgiven me, but he was willing to stay and be of assistance to us.

 Before I could express my gratitude, the sound of running footsteps reached my ears. Danyael heard it, too, and we both stood just inside the gazebo’s entrance.

 It was Finny, and he was excited and out of breath. “Se...Sebas...tian! The young...master...said to...fetch you. He found...something…”

 “In that trunk...in the library…” Danyael speculated. Finny nodded enthusiastically.

 Danyael and I looked at each other. “Well,” I said with a sigh, “dinner may be a few minutes late…”


	7. His Butler, Hungry

Redemption: A Black Butler Story  
Chapter 7 - His Butler, Hungry

  By the time we had made our way back to the manor, the sun had set completely. Dinner time was fast approaching, but like I had told Danyael, depending on the significance of what my young master had found, dinner may not be exactly on schedule.

  
  We entered the manor via the entrance closest to the kitchen so I could check on the progress Tanaka, Bard and Mey-Rin had made while Danyael and I were outside talking. As I expected, with Tanaka’s supervision things were going smoothly. I informed him that the timing of actually serving dinner would depend on what was happening in the library. He nodded his understanding, and Danyael and I left to meet up with the others.

  
  Opening the library door, I discovered everyone still seated at the same table, which from the look of things was now covered with various articles from the trunk Ciel had unacked. My young master was seated with his back to me, so it wasn’t until I approached the table that I saw what lay open in front of him.

  
It was a book. A single, leatherbound volume, filled with what appeared to be handwritten script - neat and elegant. My heartbeat stuttered in my chest. Could it possibly be what I strongly suspected it was?

  
  Walking over quietly to the corner of the table - between where Nathan was seated at the end and where my young master was sitting to his left - I gently placed my hand on Ciel’s shoulder. “Young master?” I spoke softly. His expression was distant, like he was seeing another time and place - focused on something only he could see.

  
  "It’s his…” he whispered. Keeping my hand on his shoulder, I knelt beside his chair. He turned his head to look at me, and the pain in his gaze answered the question I had yet to ask.

  
  Vincent Phantomhive’s journal. The book could be nothing else, to have elicited such a reaction from my young master. His hands were trembling and he was struggling so hard not to cry in front of everyone. I looked over at Katrina. It was as if she could read my very thoughts, because she immediately got Nathan and Danyael’s attention, then pointed at the door. Nathan rose from his chair and he and Danyael made their way towards the door with Katrina standing to follow. As she passed by behind me, she gently squeezed the top of my right shoulder in a gesture of support. Then the three of them exited the library, leaving me alone with my young master.

  
  It was difficult to tell if he even noticed the other’s departure from the library. What was clear was that he had not expected this find. “I used to watch him write in it,” he whispered. “I would go to his study sometimes to say goodnight before going to bed, and he would set me on his lap for a bit, and I’d watch him write until I got sleepy…” Tears welling up in his left eye, he looked at me. “Sebastian…”

  
  Raising my left hand from where it still rested on my young master’s shoulder, I gently removed the patch from its place over his right eye. Just in time, too, as the tears slid down Ciel’s face. As tough as he was, as much as he’d been through, he just hadn’t been prepared for this.

  
  The sobs began softly as his head slowly nodded forward, coming to rest against my chest. As tenderly as I could, I wrapped my arms around his tiny, trembling frame. It put yet another unexpected ache in my chest to see him like this. He so hated displays of emotion that betrayed signs of vulnerability. Yet here he was - undone by the discovery of his father’s journal. I suppose some things are just too much to expect even one as tough as the Queen’s Guard Dog to be able to handle.

  
  Not speaking, I simply held him while he wept. Words just weren’t needed. My presence seemed to be enough to help him ride out this unexpected wave of grief. He wrapped his slender arms around me as far as their limited reach allowed and clung to my coat with both hands. Keeping my right arm around his back, I reached up with my left hand to cradle his head, gently stroking his hair in an attempt to comfort him. Tilting my head slightly, I rested my face against the top of his head. He responded by tugging on my coat, pulling us closer together. At that moment, I was profoundly struck by something.

  
  My young master, for all his bravado and apparent toughness, was still a child. Wise beyond his years, and with a maturity others his age didn’t possess, yes. But beneath that, behind his ‘Guard Dog’ persona, he was a thirteen-year-old boy who had endured tragedy and been forced to ‘grow up’ too soon. And he needed me. He needed me, relied on me, and trusted me.

  
I made a solemn vow to myself, right then. And not only to myself, but to my young master. A vow that for its silence, was still as powerful, if not more so, than a spoken one.

 

'Never will I betray that trust, young master. **_Never_**.'

  
  I held him as his sobs waned, his sniffles tapered off, and his breathing returned to something resembling normalcy. Letting him decide when enough comfort was enough, I remained still until he decided to release his grip on my coat and slowly pull away from me, attempting to sit up straight and compose himself. Pulling a handkerchief from an inside coat pocket, I wiped some of the tears from his face before handing it over to him for him to finish himself. After allowing him a moment to pull himself together, I spoke.

  
  “Are you going to be alright, young master?” I asked softly, genuinely concerned about his current emotional state. He took a deep, slightly shaky breath before responding.

  
“I will be. I may need to have the evening to myself...I don’t think I’m up to having dinner with everyone. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be very good company…”

  
  “That’s fine, young master. Shall I bring a little something to your study then? Or to your quarters? Which would you prefer, my lord?”

  
  “Perhaps some tea and a light snack to my quarters. I believe I shall retire early this evening…” He sounded so tired. Emotionally drained. This incident had taken more out of him than he’d likely care to admit.

  
  “Very well, my lord. I shall inform the others that you aren’t feeling well. I am certain they will understand.”

  
  “Thank you, Sebastian,” he answered with a sigh of relief.

  
  Assisting him to his feet, I inquired, “Do you require anything else, young master?” He paused, looking wistfully at the cause of his distress, the simple but elegant leather book still lying open on the table. With a hand that hadn’t yet recovered its steadiness, he shakily reached out, hesitating slightly before gently taking hold of the journal and closing it. His fingers lingered there, caressing the smoke-scarred surface. Stretching out my own hand to touch his, I told him something I hoped would ease his mind. “This book is precious. It is a direct reminder of your father and his love for you. Treat it as such, regardless of the information it may or may not contain. Protect it for that reason above all others. Memories of those you loved and have lost will keep them close to you, even though they are gone from this world. And those memories can sustain you and give you strength when you need it most.” I had to swallow before continuing, my own emotions making it difficult. “I had to learn the hard way how harmful it is to suppress memories. Even the painful ones can help in ways you’d least expect. So hold on to them. Don’t let them go.”

  
  Withdrawing my hand from his, I watched him closely, gauging his reaction to what I had said.

  
  “You’re right, Sebastian,” he whispered, carefully picking up the journal. Clutching it to his chest, he looked up at me. “I think I’ll take it with me. It makes me feel like he’s closer somehow.”

  
  I gave him a soft smile. “As you wish, my lord.”

  
  After escorting my young master to his room, I went to find the others to inform them that he wouldn’t be joining them for dinner. I didn’t expect what I found.

  
  Katrina, Danyael and Nathan were in the kitchen with the other servants, and everyone was talking and helping to prepare dinner. Coats off and sleeves rolled up, the fellows had pitched right in, chatting with Bard and Finny while Katrina was helping Mey-Rin open a bottle of wine to pour into a decanter.

  
  “These friends of yours are quite kind and helpful,” Tanaka commented, moving to stand beside me as I stood there looking surprised.

  
  “Yes,” I agreed. “Yes, they are.”

  
  “Sebastian! There you are!” Danyael turned to me with a smile. “Your co-workers have been keeping us both busy and entertained.”

  
  “I’m sure they have,” I responded, returning his smile briefly before turning more serious. “I’m afraid the young master isn’t feeling well and won’t be attending dinner this evening. He sends his apologies and hopes you will forgive his absence.”

  
  “Oh, no!” said Finny.

  
  “What’s wrong with the young master?” Mey-Rin asked.

  
  “Is he alright? Not like him to miss dessert…” Bard added.

  
  “I’ll be taking him something to eat,” I clarified. “He’s just had an eventful, emotional day and needs his space, that’s all. No need to worry.”

  
  “If I might make a suggestion?” Katrina asked.

  
  “Certainly,” I said.

  
  “Why don’t you take Ciel his dinner while we finish up in here, and when you come back we can just all eat in the kitchen. It’ll save on clean-up. No sense in going to the dining room if Ciel won’t be joining us.”

  
  “We were having a good time getting to know one another anyway,” Danyael added.

  
  “Are you certain?” I inquired. “Setting the table in the dining room is no trouble…”

  
  “It’s cozy in here,” Nathan piped up. “I’m perfectly happy eating here with everyone else.”

  
  Tanaka and I looked at each other and shrugged. “Alright. Let me prepare a tray for the young master while you finish up in here. We can eat when I get back.”

  
  That decision thrilled Bard, Mey-Rin and Finny. Not only did they get to share a meal with our guests, but keeping things simple in the kitchen meant less clean-up. Shaking my head, I got the master’s dinner together - including dessert - and headed upstairs with the tray, leaving the others excitedly setting the kitchen table.

  
  Reflecting on the way the day had gone on my way to my young master’s rooms, it occurred to me that he wasn’t the only one who had experienced an emotional day. I was feeling the need for a bit of ‘space’ myself. But my duties as butler came first. I approached the door and knocked softly.

 

  “Come in,” came the equally soft reply.

  
  “I’ve brought your dinner, my lord,” I said as I opened the door and entered the room. “Did you wish to eat first, or go ahead and prepare for bed?” He was standing in front of the window, looking out onto the grounds. There was still enough moonlight to be able to see the courtyard. He didn’t answer right away, so I looked around the room as I patiently awaited his reply. I noticed he had placed his father’s journal on the same nightstand where he placed his rings and eye patch every night.

  
  “I’ll eat first,” he finally responded. He sounded as if he’d been deep in thought.

  
  “Is everything alright, young master?”

  
  Sighing, he turned to face me. “Have you ever felt like you were just missing something? Something that you felt ought to be obvious, but it just keeps eluding you?”

  
  His question sent chills down my spine. “Is that how you are feeling, my lord?” He nodded. It was my turn to sigh as I made my way over to the chair by the window close to where he stood. “Then I will confess that I have felt the same way as of late.”

  
  “What do you think it is?” he asked.

  
  “I’m not sure,” I replied as he sat in the chair and allowed me to place the tray across his lap with the ‘feet’ on either side of his legs. “But I am certain between all of us, we can sort it out.”

  
  “I hope so. It’s annoying.” I couldn’t help but smile at my lord’s typically irritated response to not being able to figure something out right away. I waited quietly while he ate his dinner, which didn’t take long since I had kept the portions small since he wasn’t feeling his best. As soon as he was finished I took the tray from his lap and asked what he wished to do next.

  
  “I think I shall read for a little while. Come back after you’ve eaten and seen to the kitchen clean-up. I’ll likely be ready to go to bed then.”

  
  Inclining my head I replied, “Yes, my lord,” and left the young master’s room, closing the door quietly behind me.

  
  I arrived back to the kitchen right on time, it seemed. The others were just getting seated around the table, and had left a place for me between Katrina and Danyael. After they asked me how the young master was doing and I convinced them he was fine, everyone tucked into dinner, enjoying both the food and the lively conversation. All-in-all, it was a decent way to pass the evening, even with that tiny, niggling feeling in the back of my mind that wouldn’t let me entirely relax.

  
  Once we finished eating, clean-up seemed to take no time at all with the extra help. As soon as I was certain everything was completed, I told Katrina, Danyael and Nathan that I would meet them in the library after helping my lord prepare for bed. The servants I gave permission to spend the rest of the evening as they wished before turning in, earning me an enthusiastic round of thank-yous before they decided to fix a pot of tea and play cards.

  
  That settled, I made my way back to the young master’s quarters. I was a bit surprised to find that he had removed his own shoes, rings and eyepatch and was propped up in bed reading his father’s journal.

  
  “Pardon the interruption, young master,” I said softly. “I’ve returned as you instructed.”  
Closing the journal and placing it carefully back in its place on his nightstand, he then swung his legs over the edge of the bed to get up. Placing his sock-clad feet on the stool next to the bed he looked over at me. I stepped closer and extended my left hand to assist him in stepping down.

  
  “Thank you, Sebastian,” he said quietly. He seemed to me to be in a thoughtful mood. He remained quiet as I followed him to the bath, and as I ran water into the tub and helped him undress. He didn’t speak until he was settled in the tub and I was taking off my coat and gloves and rolling up my sleeves to keep them from getting wet.

  
  “He mentions me.”

  
  “Pardon me, my lord?”

  
  “In the journal. He mentions me. And my mother.”

  
  “Well, young master,” I started as I began to wash his hair, “I would think that would be expected. You are his family, after all, the two of you.”

  
  “It just feels strange,” he responded.

  
  “What does, my lord?”

  
  “Reading about yourself from someone else’s point of view.”

  
  “Ah. I see,” I said as I rinsed his hair and started washing his back. “So what did he say about you, if I am allowed to inquire?”

  
  “He loved us both very much,” he answered in an emotional near-whisper. “And he was...proud of me. And worried about being able to protect us from the dangers his job entailed…”

  
None of this came as much of a surprise to me. But it seemed to have caught the young master a bit off guard, emotionally speaking. “That makes sense young master. I think he would still be proud of you.”

  
  “You do?” God, he sounded his age now, as if he had somehow gone back to being the child Vincent had written of in his journal. It tugged at a place deep in my chest, making me want to hug him. Instead I continued with his bath and tried not to let my emotions come through in my voice. He needed my strength right now.

  
  “Absolutely. Look at all you’ve accomplished. At your young age you have become a successful businessman and you’re continuing his work as well, using your wealth and influence to help others. I believe he would be very proud of you, my lord.”

  
  My young master seemed to pause to consider what I had said before sighing and standing for me to wrap a towel around his slender frame. I pulled the plug on the drain and assisted him in climbing from the tub so he wouldn’t slip and fall. That had only happened once, during the early days of our Contract. Remembering the incident actually made me smile. “What is it that has you grinning like that?” he inquired.

  
  “Oh, I was just remembering something and it has me thinking just how much our relationship has grown and changed over the three years of our Contract.”

  
  “Yes, I suppose it has,” he pondered. “What was it you were remembering?”

  
  “One of the first times I helped bathe you,” I explained as I towelled him off. “I got the water too hot, scrubbed too hard, and you kicked me out of the room…”

  
  “And then I slipped and fell reaching for a towel,” he added, recalling the incident himself. “I did tend to get rather frustrated with your efforts to learn in the beginning, didn’t I?”

  
  I shrugged. “I couldn’t get it all perfect right away. Even a Fallen has to learn new things in order to adapt.”

  
  “You haven’t done that in a long time.”

  
  “Done what, my lord?” I inquired, confused. “I don’t recall ever allowing you to slip and fall in the bath since that…”

  
  “No, not that,” he cut me off. “Refer to yourself that way. You haven’t done that in a long time,” he clarified.

  
  “Oh.” I hadn’t even thought anything of it until he mentioned it. Must be having Katrina, Danyael and Nathan around. I would have to be more conscious of that in the future.

  
  “It was just an observation,” my young master said softly. I finished towelling the water from his hair and helped him into his nightshirt. As I knelt to do the buttons, he spoke again. “I intend to keep my promise.”

  
  The promise he had made concerning asking about my past. He had to be absolutely dying from curiosity, but still, he refused to go back on his word. It had me smiling again. “My lord is a kind and honourable young man,” I said, placing my right hand on my chest and inclining my head. Looking back up at him I caught him rolling his eyes at me, but trying not to smile himself. Mission accomplished: young master cheered up, whether he wanted to admit it or not. I finished up by brushing his hair, and then after re-donning my coat and gloves, followed him into his bedroom.

  
  As I helped him into bed, he gazed up at me with those eyes that were both innocent and wise beyond their years and said in all seriousness, “I know I’m not always the easiest person to get along with, and most of the time I truly wonder if I’ll ever really be happy again, but...you help make things bearable, Sebastian. There’s no one I’d rather have here as my butler. I hope you know that, even if I don’t always know how to express it.”

  
  Kneeling by the bed, I reached over and laid my hand atop his where it rested next to his pillow. “And there is no one I would rather serve as butler to, young master. I think we both have a difficult time expressing how we feel at times. I am glad I have been able to help my lord, and that you feel that you can trust me to continue to do so.”

  
  And with that he snuggled deeper into the blankets and closed his eyes. I waited a moment, then stood, picked up the candlestick from his nightstand and walked to the door. Looking back as I opened it to leave, I whispered, “Pleasant dreams, young master,” before quietly closing the door behind me.

  
  ‘Now,’ I thought, ‘to the library to meet up with the others.’

  
  I found them seated around the table once more. All three of them glanced up as I entered.

  
  “How is Ciel?” Katrina asked.

  
  “Sleeping peacefully,” I replied.

  
  “That’s good. I was worried about him.”

  
  “My young master is usually quick to bounce back from these sort of things,” I assured her. “He’ll feel better in the morning after a good night’s rest.” I approached the table, set the candlestick down and took a seat next to Katrina.

  
  “I was explaining to Katrina what I told you about earlier,” Danyael said. “about the Hunter’s Guild.”

  
  “We agreed that while you likely have nothing to worry about, the three of us will stand with you should anything happen,” Katrina told me, touching my arm in reassurance.

  
  “I can’t thank you enough for that,” I said, looking at each of them in turn.

  
  Nathan shrugged and smiled. “What are friends for if not to have each other’s backs?”

  
  “Well, I appreciate it more than I could express,” I replied. “I haven’t exactly been the best of friends to you in the past. I hope I can make up for that somehow…”

  
  “Just continue to protect Ciel and help him in his fight against Tenebris Legio and their Fallen ally,” Danyael said.

  
  “I fully intend to,” I replied.

  
  Danyael responded with a smile. “Excellent. Now, I think we have quite a bit to get caught up on, wouldn’t you say?”

  
  The four of us talked late into the night over first a bottle of wine, and then a pot of tea. If someone had told me several days ago that I would be sharing a table with three Angels I had been friends with eons ago, reminiscing about our shared past, I would have laughed and told them they belonged in a straight jacket.

  
  And yet, here we were. Old friends reunited at long last. When we finally decided it was time to turn in for the night I discovered I was looking forward to the next day, because we could continue renewing our friendship.

  
  Then why, on the way to my quarters, did the uneasy feeling return? Surrounded by friends, I should feel safe, shouldn’t I? Once more, I attempted to shake the feeling, but centuries of trusting my gut instinct wouldn’t allow me to do so. I prepared for bed, not really expecting to sleep…

  
  I dreamed of wings. Dozens of wings buffeting me from all sides, trapping me, pinning me in. Somewhere in the distance my young master was calling my name, his cries becoming more and more frantic. I called out to him, but I couldn’t escape, panic setting in as his voice drifted further and further away…

  
Coming wide awake and sitting bolt upright, gasping for air and drenched in a cold sweat, my first coherent thought was for my young lord’s safety. Whipping the covers off, I leapt to my feet and heedless of how I was dressed, I dashed upstairs without even putting my slippers on. Upon reaching the young master’s door, I quietly opened it just a crack, and heart pounding, peered inside.  
Sound asleep. After silently watching him for a moment, I shut the door with a soft click and stood there feeling quite absurd - barefoot, in my pajamas outside my master’s door at this Godforsaken hour of the night…

  
  “Sebastian?” I spun around, startled at the speaking of my name. “Is everything alright?” Katrina stood in the doorway to her room just down the hall, dressed in her simple white nightgown and blue-gray robe and slippers, her hair hanging in a simple plait over her shoulder. I was grateful that her lamp’s light wasn’t too bright, because I could feel myself blushing.

  
  “It is now,” I replied. “Looks as if I’m the one having bad dreams tonight. I just woke with the urge to check on my young master, that’s all.” She smiled at me as she approached.

  
  “Well, I certainly didn’t think it was like you - the ever proper butler - to go prowling around the manor at night barefoot in your pajamas.” Pausing as she came to stand right in front of me, she continued, “Even though said pajamas allow you to blend into the dark quite nicely.” Her tone was light and teasing, and she reached out to smooth a wrinkle in the black silk close to my collarbone. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the observation.

  
  “I suppose that is true,” I agreed.

  
  “I hate that you had a nightmare,” she said softly. “I hope that the remainder of the night brings more peaceful rest.”

  
  “Thank you. I think I shall go back to bed now,” I replied just as quietly.

  
  “Good night, Sebastian.”

  
  “Good night…” I watched her walk back to her room, where she turned and gave me another gentle smile as she closed the door.  
I made my way back to my quarters, the dark no real obstacle to my cat-eyed gaze. I slipped back into bed and lay there for a time, staring at the ceiling. There was hardly a ghost left of the pain from my injuries, so that wasn’t what was preventing me from drifting off. Not that I really needed to sleep, mind you, but I tried my best to follow the same schedule as the human members of the household so as to blend in. The nightmare was bothering me more than I cared to admit. It was as if it was a warning of some kind, only I wasn’t able to comprehend its meaning. Anxious and frustrated by my mind going in circles, I turned onto my left side and curled up, closing my eyes and willing my brain to cease its internal struggle so I could at least rest…

  
  The next thing I knew, I was awakened by a soft scratching noise at my door. It was barely light outside, so it was still very early. At first I thought I had imagined the sound, since it stopped as soon as I opened my eyes. No sooner had I completed the thought, it began again, a bit more urgently and accompanied by a soft but insistent ‘meow.’

  
  Uh oh. How the bloody hell did she get in here? I jumped up and scrambled to get into my robe and slippers this time. It was early enough that I was in all likelihood the only one awake, so if I hurried, perhaps I could take care of this before anyone else woke up. Throwing the door open I was greeted by more enthusiastic meowing and the charming rumble of her purr.

  
  “Good morning,” I greeted my lovely feline friend, kneeling briefly to give her an affectionate scratch behind the ears. “You know you aren’t allowed inside. How  _ **do**_  you keep finding your way to my door?” This wasn’t the first time she had done this.  _ **How**_ was the mystery I had yet to solve. “Come on, little one,” I said, picking her up to cradle her on my right shoulder, where she proceeded to nuzzle my face, purring in my ear.

  
  Hurrying through the lower level of the manor, I reached the kitchen, where I gently placed my ebony-furred friend on the floor, where she walked figure eights around my ankles while I fetched a bowl and filled it with milk, and a small plate on which I placed some leftover roasted chicken from last night’s dinner. Taking both to the door that led outside towards the gardens, I set them on the ground for her. Crouching to pet her one more time before going back inside, I was stopped in mid-motion by a distinct chill, followed by a mental ‘tug’ towards the woods to my left…

  
  The barrier. Something had triggered it. Immediately going into high alert I darted back into the kitchen, armed myself with two handfulls of cutlery, and kicking off my slippers just inside the door, I took off in the direction of the ‘alarm.’

  
  Arriving at the place where I detected the disturbance, I approached the barrier’s edge with caution. I could literally see the arcane sigil that indicated where it was from where I stood, the mark carefully carved into the trunk of a massive oak.

  
  There was nothing there. So why were all of my senses - mundane and preternatural - telling me there was danger present? I scoured the area, looking for any indication of trespass, when suddenly there it was…

  
  A faint whiff of nightshade on the early morning breeze. The only time  ** _he_** made it past the barrier was when he dumped me, bleeding and close to death, on the manor steps. A loophole - the harm had already been done outside the barrier, and he held no intention of harming anyone else inside its sphere of influence. Right then, anyway.  
Not so now, although I had a feeling this was a reconnaissance mission to discover why we hadn’t reacted yet.

  
  I returned to the manor to discover the cat standing anxiously beside her unfinished food and milk. She began pacing as I approached, looking in the direction I had returned from, hackles raised, ears flattened against her skull. She growled, a deep-throated, threatening sound that I had never heard her make before. Even she sensed that something was amiss.

  
  “There, there,” I said softly as I stretched out a hand to stroke her silky coat. She affectionately bumped her head into my hand, fur smoothing out, ears coming back up as my presence apparently allayed her feeling of anxiety. “He’s gone.” For now, at any rate. Sighing, I left her to her meal and headed back inside to prepare for the day ahead.

  
  It occurred to me as I showered and dressed, that if it hadn’t been for the unexpected appearance of the cat, I might not have been able to arrive at the barrier in time to catch what remained of the other Fallen’s scent. It would likely have dissipated before I got there. The thought made me smile.

  
  Until I realised that he could still have been close enough to see me respond to the barrier’s alert. Which would mean that his master was, even now, likely being informed of the fact that they had failed to ‘kill’ me.  
Well, that had sort of been the plan anyway, I reminded myself. To wait and see what they would do next. It just happened a bit sooner that I expected. I would, of course, report this morning’s occurrence to my young master and the others.

  
  And give the cat due credit, too. She deserved to be recognised for her - albeit unintentional - assistance. That thought made me smile again. I love cats. They are creatures truly deserving of affection and adoration…

  
  Preparations for beginning the day complete, I returned to the kitchen to get my lord’s morning tea ready. Newspaper ironed, tea steeping, I was making my way out the kitchen door with the serving cart as Tanaka arrived to begin preparing morning tea for the others.

  
  “Good morning, Tanaka,” I said in greeting.

  
  “Good morning, Sebastian,” he replied. The other servants arrived then, still yawning, to begin breakfast preparations. I left them to it, continuing on my way to wake the young master for his tea and help him prepare for the day ahead.

  
  Opening the door to his room, I found the young master still soundly sleeping, as usual. Following my normal routine, I rolled the tea cart to its usual place by the window and parted the curtains to let the morning sunlight into the room.

  
  “Young master, it is time to wake up.” Groaning and stretching in typical reaction to my pronouncement, he appeared to have slept well, regardless of his reluctance to wake up. “Earl Gray this morning, is it?”

  
  “Sharp as ever, my lord,” I responded. I got him settled with his tea and newspaper before going to fetch his clothes. Choosing his forest green suit today, I returned with it as he was finishing his cup of tea. Setting the newspaper aside he handed me the teacup and asked, “What’s the schedule for today?”

  
  “After breakfast you have a history lesson, and then a break before your dance lesson. Then lunch, a few Funtom items to look over, and then free time until afternoon tea. I assumed you’d wish to have the evening to continue our research with the others in the library...if that suits my lord.”

  
  As I spoke, I quickly and efficiently helped him dress. “That’s fine,” he agreed as I tied his tie in a neat bow.

  
  “I also have something to discuss with you and the others, possibly during breakfast, if it’s not an inconvenience, my lord.” I had his undivided attention now.

  
  “Did something happen?”

  
  “As a matter of fact, yes, something did happen. Early this morning.”

  
  “Alright. I’m guessing it must be rather important if the others need to be told as well.”

  
  “I believe so, my lord.” I finished buckling his shoes and rose to my feet, picking up his jacket from where it lay on the bed next to where he was sitting.

  
  “Very well,” he said as he stood for me to assist him with the jacket. Picking up the newspaper he added, “I’ll be in my study until breakfast.” With that, he exited the room, leaving me to tidy up and take care of the tea cart.

  
  Once back in the kitchen, I helped the others finish preparing breakfast. As I did so, I cautioned them to be alert for anything unusual without going into too much detail. No need to alarm them, but having them aware of a potential threat seemed prudent. They assured me with their usual gusto that protecting the young master was top priority, which both amused and worried me. Their version of ‘protecting,’ while effective, usually left me with extra clean-up and unforeseen repairs. Oh, well. Leaving them to clean up the kitchen, I took the serving cart and headed for the dining room.

  
  My timing was perfect. The young master was approaching with Katrina, followed closely by Danyael and Nathan as I was opening the dining room door. I stepped to the side to allow them to walk in ahead of me.

  
  “Good morning, everyone,” I said in greeting. receiving a chorus of ‘good mornings’ in return, I smiled. “Please, have a seat. Breakfast is served.”

  
  Danyael slid a chair away from the table for Katrina as I did the same for my young master. As soon as everyone was seated, I commenced with serving breakfast. Fresh croissants with butter, salted ham, fresh fruit with yogurt and Ceylon tea - with cream for those who wanted it. I waited until everyone had been adequately served before surreptitiously getting my young master’s attention. Understanding my intention, he softly cleared his throat to speak.

  
  “Sebastian has informed me that he has something he wishes to tell us,” he said. “Since I have a rather full schedule this morning, I agreed to allowing the discussion over breakfast, if that suits everyone else.”  
Receiving agreement from all present, I explained what happened earlier - without letting it be known that the cat actually awakened me, but still giving her due credit, even mentioning her defensive reaction to the other Fallen’s presence.

  
  Everyone was quiet for a moment, digesting the information as well as the food. Finally it was Katrina who spoke.

  
  “Cats are sensitive to the supernatural,” she pointed out. “This one seems particularly so, to sense his presence from so far away.”

  
  “I do feed her every morning,” I explained.

  
  “Then her extra sensitivity may be due to prolonged contact with you,” Danyael suggested.

  
  “And it could come in handy,” Nathan added. “Her behaviour could serve as an additional indicator that things aren’t as they should be.”

  
  My young master sighed. “Wonderful. Give him a reason to keep that creature around,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Next he’ll be wanting to coddle it by bringing it inside.”

  
  “Unfortunately, my lord is allergic to cats,” I informed the others, my tone one of resignation. “Otherwise, I would indeed love to keep her inside.”

  
  Katrina chuckled softly. “Another thing that hasn’t changed one bit,” she responded, shaking her head in amusement.

  
  “Has he always been this...enamoured with cats?” my young master asked, noticing that Danyael and Nathan were grinning as well.

  
  “Oh, yes,” Katrina answered. “What colour is this particular feline?”

  
  “She has the most lovely glossy black coat,” I told her.

  
  “Well there you have it. Love at first sight,” Katrina teased good-naturedly. My young master rolled his eyes, but I could tell he was stifling a smile.

  
  “Anyway,” he said, “we now know that they have checked to see why we haven’t made the next move and that now they likely know that Sebastian is still very much alive.”

  
  “Which means we need to be even more cautious and alert now,” Danyael added.

  
  “And even more diligent with our research,” Nathan pointed out. “The more quickly we can discover any information about them…”

  
  “The more quickly we can put an end to them and the evil they perpetuate.”  
My young master’s tone was a combination of determination and suppressed rage. I knew better than anyone how much he longed for the day when his vengeance would be realised and he would feel able to breathe again…

  
  I felt a sudden spike of the Hunger, and turned away quickly under the pretense of retrieving the tea pot to refill my master’s cup, hoping that no one else had noticed the brief shift in the colour of my eyes.

  
  This made the third time this had happened since the night Katrina had healed me. Two of them had occurred when the young master’s need for revenge was openly expressed. Well, at least now I had possibly identified the ‘trigger.’ I made a mental note to mention it to him later. Perhaps it could be avoided if he knew.

  
  Danyael and Nathan had gone back to discussing how to best tackle the research, so when I looked back up from pouring the young master’s tea, they seemed none the wiser to my struggle. My young master seemed to be occupied listening to their conversation, which likely meant he hadn’t noticed either. Katrina, however, was watching me closely, concern in her gaze. I averted my own gaze, embarrassed that she’d seen that side of me yet again.

  
  “Well, that’s decided, then,” my young master said, drawing my attention back to the present. “I’ll join you in the library after tea time.”

  
  “And we’ll do what we can between now and then,” Danyael agreed.

  
  “Excellent,” my young lord said as he rose from his seat. I could hear Tanaka at the front door, letting his history tutor, Mr. Logan, into the manor. I began to clear the table as the others followed my master from the room. Except for Katrina. She lagged behind, gesturing for Danyael and Nathan to go on without her. As soon as everyone else was gone, she approached me, placing a hand on my forearm as I reached for a plate. I sighed and set it down.

  
  “I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Katrina said, worry in her tone. “That’s the second time that’s happened.”

  
  “Third, actually,” I corrected her. “The first was the night you healed me, when I was trying to go back to sleep after the nightmare. I was turned far enough away from you that you didn’t notice.” She thought about that a moment before coming to the same conclusion I had.

  
  “It seems to be Ciel voicing his desire for revenge that triggers the episodes, then,” she said. “That night was kind of to be expected considering the circumstances.” Gently squeezing my arm she looked intently at me. “If these Hunger spikes become more intense or more frequent, or both, please let me know right away, alright?”

  
  Nodding, I promised her I would. I completely understood her concern.  
Fallen who went too long without feeding risked being afflicted with what had come to be known as the Hunger Sickness. At its least dangerous, it brought out a slight feral-ness, making us take on a few of our ‘demon’ traits such as the glowing cat’s eyes and predatory teeth, until we fed and the Hunger subsided. Intense Hunger pains would drive a Fallen with Hunger Sickness a bit mad, making one slightly dangerous for humans to be around, and making said Fallen one seriously cranky bastard.

  
  If not taken care of fairly soon within setting in, at its most dangerous, it could drive a Fallen to do terrible things to assuage their Hunger. Like go full-on Demon and attack any human that crossed their path.  
I was nowhere close to that point, but my Hunger had been triggered by the taste of my young master’s soul energy during the healing. I needed to be careful. I had never allowed myself to get hungry enough to risk ending up with the Hunger Sickness, knowing the dangers and not wanting to end up on a Hunter’s list for indiscriminately attacking people because of it. Now I had two risk factors to keep an eye on - my Contract was now technically taboo, and while not suffering from the actual Hunger Sickness, I was hungrier than I should be because of the healing triggering it.

  
  These were circumstances I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with.

  
  After hearing my promise to tell her if my Hunger worsened, Katrina gave my arm another affectionate squeeze before following the others toward the library, leaving me to finish clearing the table. Loading everything onto the serving cart, I then made my way back to the kitchen, trying to let the performance of everyday routine set my mind at ease somewhat.

  
  I suppose that is one thing that all of us - humans, Angels and Fallen - have in common. The ability to take comfort, or at least attempt to take comfort, in whatever for us is considered ‘normal routine.’ And for the next week that is exactly what we did. Everyone settled into performing whatever duty they had, all the while waiting with an underlying sense of anxiety for the other boot to drop.

  
  And drop it did.

  
  Afternoon tea. We had, all of us, by this point gotten fairly comfortable around each other. The weather was beautiful, so the young master desired to take his tea outdoors. It was with a strong sense of deja vú that we gathered in the same place as that first time having tea together a little over a week past. Discussion about the research and it’s progress dominated the conversation. In all honesty, not much had been made at all. Tenebris Legio was proving far more elusive than any of us had anticipated.

  
  “Vague references,” Danyael was saying. “They aren’t called a ‘secret society’ for no reason, that’s for sure.”

  
  “I don’t believe I have ever been this frustrated,” Nathan chimed in. “As many evil things as they’ve obviously been involved in, it’s as if they just slip through the proverbial cracks.”

  
  “Plagues, rebellions, mysterious disasters - all of which somehow they manage to reap some kind of benefit from before their members just blend back into ‘normal’ society as if nothing happened. It’s sickening,” Katrina said, disgust in her tone.

  
  “They’ve made a mistake somewhere in the past, or they’re going to make one in the future that will mean their downfall. We just need to remain alert and keep looking,” my young master said, careful to keep his tone as neutral as possible. I had discussed with him that his speaking in a manner that sounded vengeful triggered my Hunger, and he had been taking care to not express it quite so strongly around me, which I appreciated greatly.

  
  That was about to cease to matter.

  
  “Young master!” came the call from behind us back toward the house. Mey-Rin was hurrying across the grass, something white in her grasp. “You received a letter, my lord!” Tripping as she closed in, she would have fallen if I hadn’t quickly stepped forward to intervene. She blushed as I caught her by her upper arms to keep her from bowling right into me. “S-s-so sorry, Sebastian!”

  
  “Try going a bit more slowly next time,” I suggested. “How many times must I tell you not to rush unless it’s something really important?”

  
  “Sorry, sir,” she apologised, trying to compose herself. I sighed, slightly exasperated.

  
  “Well, let’s have the letter, then,” I said.

  
  “Oh! Right…” Handing me the envelope, she then stepped back, demurely clasping her hands before her. I examined the outside of the letter, checking the wax seal to determine who the correspondence was from.

  
  “My lord, it’s from Snake,” I informed my young master, recognising the Noah’s Ark Circus logo imprinted in the purple wax.

  
  “Ah,” he responded. “I wonder what our reptile-loving friend has to say.” He extended his hand to take the letter.

  
  “Shall I fetch a letter-opener?” I asked.

  
  “No need to go through that bit of trouble,” he said dismissively as he slipped his thumb beneath the flap to break the seal. “Ouch!” he suddenly exclaimed as he jerked his hand away from the envelope. Holding his hand out in front of him to examine it, it appeared at first as if there was nothing wrong. But I knew. I smelled it before the pad of his thumb suddenly showed a faint red line, then a large drop of crimson…

  
  My breath hitched in my throat and I immediately drew a handkerchief from an inner coat pocket. Dropping to one knee beside his chair, I quickly wrapped the young master’s injured digit to stop the bleeding, but the gesture was too little too late.  
Blood. It is intrinsically connected to a human’s life, and the life to the soul. The sight of it...the smell...can be enticing to a Demon who isn’t hungry. But to one who is, it is especially so, and is definitely a trigger. A dangerous one.

  
  I knew that my eyes and teeth had already responded to this unexpected stimuli, and would betray me no matter what I told the others. Keeping my head slightly bowed and averted, I somehow managed to speak. “I shall go fetch a bandage, young master…”

  
“For goodness’ sake, Sebastian, it’s just a paper cut…” he started. I looked up just enough for him to see my eyes. His widened slightly.

  
  “Please, my lord, humour me?”

  
  “Are you alright, Ciel?” Katrina asked, but I could hear in her tone that he wasn’t the only one she was concerned for.

  
  “Fine,” my master responded. “Go ahead, if it will make _**you**_  feel better, Sebastian.”

  
  “I shall return momentarily, my lord.” I swayed ever so slightly as I stood, and could only hope the others hadn’t noticed. My head was reeling, my senses overwhelmed - frankly intoxicated - by this brief exposure to my young lord’s blood. If I wasn’t already hungry, I could have shaken it off fairly easily, but unfortunately that was not the case.  
Internally cursing my luck (or lack thereof), I had to concentrate just to keep moving in the direction of the manor. One would think that getting further away from the sight and smell would help, but instead I seemed to be getting worse. My vision was clouding, becoming gray around the edges and I was feeling a bit lightheaded. Slowing down as it became difficult to keep placing one foot in front of the other, I staggered. Sound became muffled and seemed to echo slightly. I heard my young master call out to me, and he sounded so far away…

  
  All the strength I had left seemed to just drain right out of me from my head to my feet. My knees got shaky, then my legs decided not to obey anymore, and I crumpled onto the grass.

  
  The next thing I knew, my young master was on the ground next to me, kneeling in the grass, then sitting and pulling me practically into his lap to cradle my head against his chest. Had I blacked out?

  
  “Sebastian?” When I stirred slightly, he let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness.” He sounded as if he were about to cry. Sniffing, he tightened his hold on me.

  
  “You’re going to get grass stains on your clothes,” I murmured. He sniffed again and chuckled softly.

  
  “I don’t really give a damn about that at the moment,” he said.

  
  “You’re not the one who has to launder them,” I retorted, hoping I didn’t sound as ‘drunk’ as I felt.

  
  “Can you stand, Sebastian?” Katrina asked softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. She must have suspected that it was another Hunger episode. Nothing got past her.

  
  “What happened?” Nathan sounded worried.

  
  “Should we get him inside? Maybe he should rest for a bit…” Danyael suggested.

  
  I was touched by their concern. But I could tell that my eyes and teeth hadn’t changed back to ‘normal’ yet, and I didn’t want to worry them any more than they already were. Keeping my eyes closed I responded, “I think I need a few more minutes for the dizziness to subside…”

  
  “We’ll stay here as long as you need,” my young master said.

  
  “To answer Nathan’s question,” Katrina began, “ever since I healed Sebastian’s injuries, his Hunger has flared up when triggered by certain things. This time was definitely worse than the others.”

  
  “It’s my fault,” my young lord said. “If I had let him fetch the letter opener…”

  
  “Don’t blame yourself, young master,” I said softly. I could still smell his blood even though his thumb was still wrapped in my handkerchief. As much as his willingness to comfort me meant, I needed to get away from that scent. “I believe I might be able to stand now, with some assistance. Then, perhaps with the young master’s permission, I could go to my quarters and rest a bit before dinner?”

  
  “Of course you can,” my lord responded, briefly hugging me a bit tighter before allowing me to attempt to sit upright. Katrina must have been kneeling behind me, because she moved her hand from my shoulder to my arm and then placed her other hand on my other arm, gently holding on just above my elbows to steady me. Since I still had my eyes closed, I had to go by what I could hear to determine where everyone was.

  
  “I’ve got his left if you’ll get his right,” I heard Danyael say as he moved to that side.

  
  “Got it,” Nathan replied. Each of them took a firm yet gentle grip on my wrists, I in turn gripping theirs as I got my feet under me. With Danyael and Nathan on each side and Katrina behind, I was able to stand, even if I was still trembling. I knew they wouldn’t let me fall. It wasn’t until I got to my feet that I realised there was someone missing, a voice I hadn’t heard.

  
  “Where is Mey-Rin?” I asked.

  
  “She ran back to the house for help when you blacked out,” my young master answered. “In fact, here they come now…”

  
  Great. While I appreciated the concern, the last thing I needed was for the entire household to see me like this. They may have accepted what I was, but that didn’t mean they’d be able to handle seeing this kind of proof of that yet. Luckily, Katrina stepped up to run a bit of interference. Moving to stand in front of me, she intercepted them before they could get too close. Assuring them that I was alright, she managed to get them sufficiently calmed down and headed in the direction of the table where all of the tea things were.

  
  “If you really want to help,” she was saying, “I’m sure Sebastian would appreciate it if you could take care of the tea clean-up.”

  
  “Certainly,” Tanaka responded. In short order he had each of them assigned a task and out of our way. Then he spoke to me. “We have things well in hand, Sebastian. Go get some rest.”

  
  “Thank you, Tanaka.”

  
  After he walked away, Katrina turned to speak to me. “They are all busy and out of the way, now. You can open your eyes, Sebastian.”

  
  I hesitated, still. Danyael had seen me like this once, all those years ago on the day we argued. The young master had seen my actual ‘Demon form’ and my eyes and teeth on other occasions. Katrina had only seen short flashes of my eye colour shifting twice, and Nathan had never seen me like this. I sighed, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of allowing them to see that side of me, the side I so carefully kept hidden. Katrina stepped forward to stand right in front of me and gently placed her hand against my cheek, caressing my cheekbone with her thumb.

  
  “It’s alright, Sebastian.” She knew I didn’t want her to see me in this state. But I had little choice this time and she was trying to let me know that it didn’t matter to her, that she still cared regardless. I took a deep breath, and not sure what to expect, opened my eyes, timidly meeting her gaze.

  
  Kartina didn’t flinch. Instead, she actually smiled softly at me. “There, now,” she said, lowering her hand and resting it on my chest. “That wasn’t so terribly difficult.”

  
  “Harder than you probably think,” I said quietly.

  
  “You're among friends,” Nathan said. “We’re worried about your well-being, not how you look when the Hunger flares up.”

  
  “Exactly,” Danyael agreed. “Now let’s get you inside so you can rest and shake this off.”

  
  With Danyael and Nathan on each side, and my young master and Katrina following behind, we headed back to the manor. I didn’t voice the worry that was gnawing at my insides along with the Hunger, which was taking too long to fade, hence the worry.

  
  It should have gone away by now. I had never had a Hunger flare-up last this long. I chalked it up to the abrupt exposure to my young lord’s blood, trying to still the building sense of anxiety - the feeling that this time something was wrong.

  
  My legs were getting shaky again by the time we reached the hallway that led to my quarters, making me glad I had an arm each over both Danyael’s and Nathan’s shoulders, and they an arm each around my waist. They got me to my room without further incident, assisting me to sit on the edge of my bed. I loosened my tie and toed off my shoes, breathing a sigh of relief at being able to sit down.

  
  “You don’t look so scary,” Nathan said, leaning against the wall next to my desk. I knew he was trying to make me feel better. I gave him a slightly sad grin, which showed my fangs a bit.

  
  “I could always bear my teeth and hiss and growl,” I quipped back. “I can promise that would make me look downright feral.”

  
  “Aw, you’d just look like a big angry cat,” Danyael teased. “We’d just scratch you behind the ears and give you a bowl of milk.”  
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the image that invoked. Katrina helped me out of my tailcoat, draping it over the back of the chair at my desk. I finished removing my tie, handing it to her so she could place it there as well, followed by my gloves.

  
  My young master was standing quietly by the door. He snickered at Danyael’s comment. “I’m glad to see that my lord is amused, even if it is at my expense,” I said, sighing in mock exasperation as if he’d hurt my feelings.

  
  “Your feline friend would love the company,” he poked back. “She might even share the bowl.”

  
  “Now that’s just cruel,” I replied with a fake sniffle. My young master chuckled in amusement before answering me in all seriousness.

  
  “Get some rest, Sebastian. I need my trusty, cat-loving butler to be alright.”

  
  As they moved to leave, Katrina reached out and in her usual manner, tucked my hair behind my left ear. “I’ll be back to check on you in a while,” she promised. Suddenly very fatigued, I simply nodded in response. The last to leave, she gave me that gentle smile as she closed the door behind her.

  
  Pulling my feet up onto the bed, I stretched out on my left side. I was finding it difficult to relax, much less actually rest. The Hunger was a hollow ache now, both a physical and a spiritual emptiness that made my nerves feel taunt as piano strings. It is impossible to describe to a human exactly what the Hunger feels like. Simply put, it is a void, a feeling of missing something, and a need to fill that void, to replace what’s missing. It is a vague type of pain that only a Fallen can know.

  
  As restless as that pain made me feel, the fatigue finally got the better of me, and after tossing and turning for a while, I did, at last, drift off into an uneasy slumber. And once again, I dreamed of wings. Trapped by the buffeting, feathered limbs whose owners I couldn’t see, listening to my young master call out for me and being unable to go to his aid…

  
  Heart pounding, gasping for breath, I awakened thoroughly shaken. Convinced now that there was something uncanny about this dream, possibly something sinister, I decided to mention it to Katrina. However, I noticed something else a bit more unsettling as I sat up on the edge of my bed.

  
  Running my tongue over my teeth, I discovered that they were still the sharp fangs of a predator. Trembling, I rose and walked over to my washstand to look in the mirror, if only to confirm what I already knew.  
My eyes hadn’t changed back either. And the hollowness, the ache of the Hunger, was still present. Not as strong now, but not gone.  
What had been triggered by the healing had now been thoroughly awakened by the sight and smell of my young master’s blood. There could be only one reason why the Hunger hadn’t subsided.

  
  The Hunger Sickness.

  
  ‘No,’ I thought. ‘No, no, no...this can’t be happening…’ Staggering back to my bed, I sat down and put my elbows on my knees, hands dangling and head drooping in both shock and a feeling of utter dejection.

  
  I’m unsure how long I sat there, but it was starting to get dark which meant dinner time was fast approaching. I still didn’t move. Not even when there was a soft knock on the door.

  
  “Sebastian? Are you awake?”

  
  Katrina. How could I face her like this? How could I allow my young master to see me this way? Or the rest of them, for that matter?  
“Sebastian?” She was beginning to sound a little concerned.

  
  “Come in,” I said softly, deciding to just get it over with. It’s not like I could hide it anyway, so might as well face the inevitable. “Please close the door,” I requested as she entered the room. Setting the candlestick she was carrying on my desk she pulled out the chair and turned it around to sit facing me.

  
  “What is it?” she asked gently. Swallowing hard, clenching my hands into fists, I took a deep breath and raised my head to look at her. Gasping softly in shock, she gazed back at me with widened eyes. Then she had to swallow before speaking. “Does this...does this mean what I think it does?” Her voice was so soft and I could tell she was trying to keep it from trembling and not entirely succeeding.

  
  “I’m afraid so,” I replied, my own voice a bit on the unsteady side.

  
  “How do you feel right now?”

  
  “Fatigued. Still hungry, but the pain has faded. It’s just not going away like it has before.” I shrugged. “That part is bearable. For now. However…” I trailed off.

  
  “Your eyes and teeth will remain this way until the Hunger is appeased,” Katrina finished for me. Sighing, I nodded. “And you don’t want the others - specifically the other servants - to see you this way.”

  
  “But I have a job to do,” I said. “I am the Phantomhive butler, under Contract to my young master. I have duties to fulfill…”

  
  Hearing the distress in my tone of voice, Katrina reached out to take both of my hands in hers. “Sebastian, this entire household cares about you. May I make a suggestion?”

  
  “Alright.”

  
  “Let me go talk to them. Explain your condition. It’ll lessen the shock and then between you and Tanaka, you can arrange the duties around how you’re feeling on a daily basis. Because I’m sure you’ll have good days and bad days until we can figure out what to do about this. And you know Ciel will be understanding.”

  
  Just thinking about my young master brought an onslaught of feelings I was ill-prepared to deal with at the moment. The Hunger - coiled like a frozen, venomous serpent in the hollow space that was the pit of my stomach - was one of those feelings. At the mention of his name, it uncurled, sinking its fangs into my gut and wrapping around my spine with a sharp, spiky chill that made me gasp, then shudder. It was followed in short order by guilt, shame, and an overwhelming sense of sadness that I was at a loss to explain. Squeezing Katrina’s hands I blinked several times, trying to clear away the tears I could feel building up. It was a struggle just to speak.

  
  “I don’t know what to do...how to deal with this. But I can’t face any of them at the moment. I trust you, so if you believe that explaining this will help, then do so.” I paused, trying to maintain my composure. “As far as my young master goes...I need to be the one to explain this to him. He deserves to hear it from me, if only so that I can reassure him that this isn’t his fault.”

  
  Katrina, squeezing my hands back, looked at me with concern in her gaze. “Are you sure you’re up to that? Do you want me to be there when you do?”

  
  “I think I’ll be alright. If you could just ask him to come here while you’re explaining things to the others…”

  
  “I’ll come back to check on both of you as soon as I’m finished explaining things to everyone else. It’s not a matter of lack of trust,” she clarified when I sighed in response. “I know you would never harm Ciel. I’m concerned about you, and how it will affect you being so close to him. He won’t know what to do if you black out again.”

  
  “Fair enough,” I conceded. She did have a valid point, and I wasn’t going to argue. Letting go of my hands with one of hers, she reached up to tenderly caress my cheek.

  
  “We’ll make it through this,” she told me. “A solution will present itself. We just have to be patient.”

  
  “I’m glad you have enough faith for both of us,” I responded softly, trying not to feel like I was already defeated.

  
  “I’m an Angel and a Healer,” Katrina said, giving me that gentle smile. “That’s  ** _my_** job.”

  
  “There’s something else I need to tell you.” Lowering her hand to hold mine again she waited for me to speak. “I’ve been having this dream…”

  
  As I described the dream, Katrina looked both thoughtful and concerned. When I finished, she contemplated it for a moment before offering any insight.

  
  “How many times have you had this dream?”

  
  “The first time was the night before the incident with the barrier.”

  
  She smiled softly. “The night I awoke to find you in the hallway in your pajamas, checking on Ciel.” I nodded. “That was the dream that awakened you, had you concerned for his safety?”

  
  “Yes,” I answered. “And I’ve had it several times over the past week. Every time I’ve actually slept, now that I think about it.”

  
  “I’ll talk to Danyael and Nathan, get their input on this. Some dreams are caused by stress, or the subconscious trying to make sense of something your waking mind is too busy or distracted to sort. Since you were having them before this, I don’t think they are connected.”

  
  “Me, either.”

  
  “Well, in the meantime, I’ll take care of filling the others in on your condition,” she said, rising from her seat and letting go of my hands to put the chair back in its place at my desk. “I’ll send Ciel down promptly.” Turning back to me, she touched my face with her fingertips. “And I’m here for you, no matter what happens.”

  
  Surprising myself, I reached up and took hold of her hand, pressing it to my cheek and leaning my face into her palm. “Thank you,” I whispered. She responded by brushing my cheekbone with her thumb before leaning over to kiss the top of my head. So gentle. So kind. Even to a Fallen with the Hunger Sickness.

  
  “You’re welcome,” she whispered back as she straightened up and turned to leave, her hand slipping free from mine, leaving me feeling a sudden loneliness, a longing for care and affection that baffled me. But before I could think of anything else to say, she was gone, softly closing the door behind her. She had even left the candlestick so that I wouldn’t be sitting here in the dark.

  
  I sighed, then laid back on the bed right where I was sitting to stare at the ceiling. Angels can see nearly as well as Demons in the dark, but still. She didn’t have to do that. Sighing again, I put my right arm over my eyes. That feeling of not deserving her kindness and consideration was trying to return. I didn’t need that. I didn’t need any distractions while speaking to my young master about what was happening.

  
  Thinking about him had the cold serpent that was the Hunger stirring again. I took several deep, slow breaths in an attempt to soothe my nerves and calm the agitation. I had somewhat succeeded by the time I heard the approaching footsteps and caught the faint scent of sandalwood that preceded the soft knock on my door.

  
  The fact that I heard and smelled him before he even reached the door was a testament to how much the Hunger Sickness was affecting my senses already. If I concentrated, I could, of course, hear practically anything both inside and outside the manor for a much larger range than humans could. And my sense of smell was also much keener. But I hadn’t even been trying. I had put in no extra effort whatsoever. All of my predatory senses and instincts were stuck in a heightened state of awareness, especially to his presence. And I didn’t like the way that made me feel. At all.

  
  Taking one more deep breath to try to clear my head, I sat up on the edge of the bed. “Come in, young master.”

  
  Slowly opening the door, he poked his head in first. He had only been in my quarters a few times since giving me the room, and each time he had seemed ill-at-ease, as if he felt like he was invading my personal domain. “Is everything alright, Sebastian? Katrina said you wished to speak with me privately…”

  
  “Yes, my lord,” I replied. “There is something I need to explain to you.” I looked up at him then, and watched as his expression changed from mild concern to shock and confusion.

  
  “What...why haven’t your eyes changed back?” He sounded every bit as confused as he looked. Sighing, I gestured toward the chair at my desk, indicating that he might want to sit.

  
  “This could take some time to explain, young master…”

  
  He hesitated before walking over, setting his small oil lamp on the desk next to Katrina’s candlestick, and turning the chair around to sit facing me. The Hunger was writhing in my gut, and his closeness was not helping. But it was his cautious pause before getting close to me that caused the real pain. He had to be able to sense it, the danger of being in such close proximity to a hungry Fallen, and it broke my heart.

  
  “I’m not going to hurt you, young master,” I assured him in a shaky whisper. He looked surprised, then embarrassed.

  
  “I wasn’t concerned about that in the slightest,” he clarified. I must have looked at him with a confused expression, because he fidgeted before continuing. “I...I just always feel like I am intruding on your personal space when I come in here. Silly, I know, but everyone needs their own private place, and this,” he gestured to the room, “ is yours.”

  
  “I am not making you feel uneasy, then?” I asked. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…”

  
  He shook his head. “Why would I feel uneasy around you?”

  
  Well. Wasn’t he just full of never ending surprises. “I don’t know if I should be relieved or concerned,” I responded.

  
  “Why do you say that?”

  
  Sighing, I tried to decide how to begin to explain my condition. The last thing I wanted to do was frighten him, but he needed to understand the risk associated with it so that we could take the appropriate precautions.

  
  “The condition I have can pose certain...dangers. I don’t want you to be afraid to be around me, but we will need to be careful for a while, my lord.”

  
  “Condition?” he said with obvious concern. “Are you ill? I didn’t know Demons could get sick. What’s wrong?”

  
  “It’s called the Hunger Sickness,” I began. “It usually strikes Fallen who have gone too long without feeding. In my case however, it was likely caused by multiple triggers…”

  
  “My blood today...that was what did it, wasn’t it?” He started to tear up. “I’m so sorry, Sebastian…”

  
  Reaching out, I gently took both of his hands in mine. “This is not your fault, young master. Not in the least. Please, do not blame yourself.” He looked so crestfallen. But I didn’t know what to say that would convince him that he wasn’t the cause of my plight. All I could do was gently rub the backs of his hands with my thumbs to try to convey some sense of comfort. Finally, he swallowed and spoke softly.

  
  “What can I do? Is there anything that will help? I’ll do whatever I can…”

  
  “I’m afraid all either of us can do is wait it out. Katrina seems to think a solution will present itself if we are patient. Since I can see no immediate options, I am inclined to follow her advice. We will just need to...exercise some caution with a few things.”

  
  “Exposure to things like blood?” he asked tentatively.

  
  “That is on the list,” I responded. “As well as what we discussed earlier…”

  
  “About me using a ‘vengeful tone’ when speaking about things pertaining to our investigation,” he stated, nodding. My young master is nothing if not perceptive.

  
  “Yes. And you will need to take care - along with the rest of the household - to not inadvertently startle me. Make sure I am aware of your presence when approaching me.”

  
  “But you are always so aware,” my young master pointed out, confused. “None of us could hope to ever sneak up on you. With your heightened senses you always know when we’re around…”

  
  I shook my head. “I could be distracted by my symptoms,” I explained. “Or have to take a break to rest and drift off. In this condition my predatory senses will be heightened even further. But I need for you - especially you - to promise me to exercise caution when approaching me for any reason. Especially if I am asleep. You need to be certain that I am aware of you before getting too close.” I gently squeezed his hands to emphasise the urgency of my request. “Please, young master. Promise me…”

  
  “I promise, Sebastian,” he responded softly, returning the squeeze on my hands.

  
  “Thank you,” I whispered. We sat there in silence for a moment, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Once again, it was my young master who broke the silence.

  
  “What are we going to tell the rest of the servants?”

  
  “Katrina is going to explain my condition and the needed precautions to them,” I told him. “That’s likely what she’s doing right now.”

  
  “And Danyael and Nathan?”

  
  Not expecting him to ask about them, I shifted slightly in discomfort. “I believe that their knowledge of Demons in general will be enough for them to know what they should and shouldn’t do around one in my current condition,” I explained. “Their expertise in...supernatural matters is rather extensive.”

  
  “It’s a good thing, then, that they know what you are and that they are still your friends,” my young master observed thoughtfully. It made me smile a bit sadly.

  
  “Yes. I am indeed grateful to still have their friendship, my lord.” He had no idea just how grateful. “We are both fortunate to have them - and Katrina - here to assist us.”

  
  “The four of you must have been quite close,” he said. “I am glad they are here.”

  
  Trying not to get emotional at his observation about my relationships with the others, I asked softly, “Shall we go and see if everyone else is ready for dinner? I feel as if I am neglecting my duties, young master…”

  
  Scoffing at my statement, he replied, “You are doing no such thing. But if you’re sure you feel up to helping serve dinner, I won’t keep you from doing so.”

  
  Placing my right hand on my chest and inclining my head I responded, “That’s very kind of you, my lord.”

  
  Smirking slightly, he released my hand and stood. “Shall we join the others?”

  
  “Allow me a moment, young master,” I said as I slipped my feet back into my shoes. My young master stepped aside to allow me to retrieve my tie, coat and gloves and waited patiently while I put them back on.

  
  “Quite the dapper fiend,” he teased gently.

  Smiling back at him in spite of myself as I straightened my tie and tugged on my gloves, I couldn’t resist.

  
  “You see my lord, I am simply one hell of a butler. Shall we?” I gestured toward the door.

  
  Rolling his eyes as he picked up his lamp, and trying to supress an amused grin, he responded, “Shut it, you. Just open the bloody door.”

  
  'Affectionate sarcasm. It really is a thing,’ I thought as I picked up the candlestick, opened the door and followed my young master upstairs, glad that he was walking ahead of me and couldn’t see my smile.


End file.
